That was sarcasm, by the way. I really can wait. I can wait forever if Homeland Security would let me.
Anyway it's the return part of my trip over here from last October and so I'll be flying again with Mr. Branson's mob (God help me) from Miami to London Heathrow and then getting a BMI (British Midland International) flight from Heathrow to Leeds.
Up until a few days ago my main 'concern' was that I get into London at 9:25am but my flight to Leeds doesn't leave until 8:40pm. Yes 11 hours to waste in an airport. Lovely. I'm ok in Harrods for 15 minutes and I like looking at the British tat in other duty free shops but come on.....11 hrs !! Even my mp3 batteries will have given up the ghost by then and I'll have nothing to listen to but lots of Johnny Foreigner voices and annoying PA announcements telling me about loads of lucky bastards who now need to get to their departure gates to fly off to wonderful places like I've just come from. Yeah rub it in why don't you !!!
Sorry about that. Anyway my plan was to go to the BMI desk and using all my charm say "look I'm due to fly out with you to Leeds in 11 hrs time but as you have 3 earlier flights to Leeds, could you please get me onto one of them, preferably the earliest one and my, but you suit your hair in that style, if I may be so bold. And your eyes.....they're stunning." I know, sickening isn't it and I donno why I'd bother as they're mostly a hard faced lot at airports.
But I fear things may be changing soon and I'll have more to concern me than an 11 hr wait at Heathrow. I read last week that BMI are stopping the London-Leeds service altogether as it's just not profitable. And when will this be happening ? On March 28th. And when do I fly to Leeds ? On March 27th. Hmmmmm.
So as things stand, I'm due to be on the last ever BMI flight from London to Leeds. What are the chances of getting on an earlier flight now ? Low to not bloody likely at all, matey. And if I do have to get that last flight out (it sounds more like an evacuation from a US Embassy in Saigon) what sort of state will the cabin staff be in ? It might be their last day at work......throwing drinks at the passengers; opening the doors at takeoff and throwing out the duty free; not telling us how to fasten our incredibly complicated seat belts; setting a mile high club record with every one of the flight crew ? Charming.
And does my luggage stand a cat in hell's chance of arriving at Leeds airport at the same time as me ? Even the next day - seeing as there won't be a flight after all ?
The signs aren't looking good. I think I'd better Google train timetables although then I might be back in the hands of Mr. Branson. It just doesn't get any better.
And yes, that was sarcasm again.