I sent a photo of a naked woman to my female friend last night and she deleted it right away.
Yes I know, bizarre !
Now before you call the internet boys in blue and have me carted off in cuffs (and tight leg bindings and fishnet tights and a basque.....oh stop, I'm getting my thoughts mixed up here), let me explain that I'm not the new Yorkshire Porn King. Long way to go yet but I'm trying.
Anyway if you're sitting comfortably, I'll begin with the story :
Yesterday was Daffys 23rd birthday (that HAS to get me extra jaffa cakes) and I popped over to her place as I thought we were getting a Chinese takeaway to celebrate the occasion. I dressed accordingly. I just threw on a few items from my wardrobe from the Tang Dynasty, nothing too ostentacious you know.
Anyway when I got to her house, I was told we were going to a restaurant in central Leeds at 6:45pm but not to worry as it was a casual clothing type of place. So my flip flops would be just fine. Soon the time came and off we went.
There were 7 in our party and once seated, I noted from the menu that I could actually order pretty much anything - which doesn't happen very often, if at all. Shut it, Debby !
After MUCH deliberation, I picked a 28 day aged rib-eye steak and asked for it a little bit pink in the middle as phrases like "medium to medium rare" can often be meaningless as that can vary from chef to chef.
This was what came.
My photo actually improves the look of the steak !
It didn't exactly look like any rib-eye I'd ever seen and it looked more like the cow had coughed up a kidney.
Maybe it had been aged a few days too long or something and had started to morph into what we usually associate with coming from a cow.
I cut into it and noticed that it was a few grilled minutes short of being 'pink in the middle' and was more at the 'autopsy red' stage.
But being that I was now in the UK, I just tutted my displeasure and tucked in. It was tender enough, with lots of flavour and so it wasn't all that bad. Just not what I'd asked for.
The conversation flowed and everyone enjoyed their entrees. Then it was time for dessert and once again, everything on the menu sounded yummy. Being an adventurous eater (oh stop that Debby) I went for the banoffee-in-a-bag with ginger snaps and farmhouse vanilla ice cream.
I only picked this because as well as liking all the ingredients, I'd no idea what to expect.
And this is it.....or them.
I looked at my bag with a mix of interest and bewilderment. A mixed bag in fact. Sorry.
The waitress had helpfully told me to slice the top open with diagonal cuts and peel back the paper.
Thinking I might stab the banana or damage the toffee (!!) I chose to ignore her advice and simply cut along the sealed edge of the bag closest to the ice cream. Big mistake.
This was fine to start with and I was then able to tear back the paper and get at the goodies within - 3 sliced bananas swimming in a lovely hot toffee sauce. I said 'to start with' as with a whole end of the bag now opened up, the sauce made a dash for freedom and most of it poured out onto the wooden serving board. With the melting ice cream dripping out onto the board as well, it wasn't long before the attentive waitress was asking if sir needed a bib.
"No actually, my mouth is pretty much mess free but the board is a disaster area."
And so after a round of cappuccinos, the meal was over and we left, full of stomach and, in Stephens case, empty of wallet. Thank you so much for my invitation, guys. I had a great evening.
But hey, Ian. What about the naked woman photo ? Ahhhh glad you reminded me.
The restaurant was on the 2nd floor of this 4 floor building. This meant climbing some stairs and at the top, the area opened out with a view of inviting dark wood dining tables and very comfortable deep backed chairs. As we settled down in those very chairs and looked for the menus, I glanced back at the stairs which, as I was at the end of the table, were just to my left.
On the wall was a painting that you couldn't see until you had climbed the stairs and looked back.
It was huge. She was huge.
So what do you think ?
Tasteful in a restaurant ?
Filthy smut that would upset small family members and if nothing else, cause them to ask questions best left to the privacy of the home ?
Well this is where the title of this post comes in.
I'd not want this painting in MY living room. I'm no prude and enjoy the naked female form as much as the next female tennis player BUT, not where I eat.
Yes I eat mostly in my living room. I'm single, what can I say.
And the name of the restaurant where we dined last night ?
The Living Room.
As I've said before, I just don't throw these posts together, y'know !