Normal Service Will Be Resumed........

Wow that phrase takes me back. In the early days of British television (well in our house anyway), the already flickering picture would often go a bit wonky and then go altogether. If the boffins (early geeks) at the BBC were on the ball, you'd get a little message like the one above, apologising for the lack of Bill & Ben or Jackanory and then you'd get a bit of music for a while and then when someone found a shilling for the meter, the picture would return.

Hurrah for technology.

Of course back then, tv would end at 10pm as there was nothing more to broadcast. There was no more news anywhere around The Empire, and the cricket had ended hours ago so that was the sport done with. So a young black and white Queen Liz would come on and sing the National Anthem which usually made her giggle at the start when she blessed herself. Then a man would remind us to turn off our tv sets so that Telstar could recharge it's batteries up in orbit overhead.

I know, it's all rubbish but hey, I've not blogged for ages so I'm just full of it.

Just over 2 weeks ago my sickly laptop give up the ghost and needed emergency surgery. This involved backing up as much as possible, replacing the hard drive and reloading Vista, lots of Sony drivers and finally as much of the backed up data as possible. Yesterday Daphne's wonderful hubby, Stephen, finished the job and lappy was handed back me as good as new. Better even as a lot of pre-installed rubbish wasn't. Installed that is. And I've got Vista Ultimate which is Vista with go faster stripes.

So for the rest of yesterday I again downloaded and installed all the free software that makes my life on the internet so much better....Skype, Trillian, utorrent, Digiguide (ok not free but I was already a subscriber) and so on. Then I set everything up as I wanted it, including my email alert wav. I've picked Mail6.wav although for some reason it chops off the end on this site.

So basically I'M BACK......although I'm off again right away as I'm heading to deepest, darkest S. Wales in the morning for a wee 3 day trip to Swansea and places nearby. While I was lappyless, I joined the 21st century and by agreeing to hand over the bulk of my pension every month for the next 2 years, I signed a contract for a new phone. A smartphone no less. Smarter than me as I haven't worked out how to make a bloody phone call yet ! There is no button B and I still can't find an application to send telegrams so it's not THAT smart. Anyway I can now be in touch ''on the road'' so expect lots of Facebook photos and Tweets with annoying regularity from now on.

You have been warned.

Prynhawn da !

A Brief Passage Of Time

If a picture's worth a thousand words, then this will save me a shitload of typing. Which has to be good for you as well as me !!

Be warned - there is a short, but quite loud advert at the start and then no sound until close to the end so I'd recommend you lower your volume slightly before continuing.

And now, enjoy the magic.

Eee By Gum, I'm Still On T'internet

My laptop is not well. In fact it may have a terminal condition.

Little geek joke there.

I don't think it liked being put to sleep just before my flight back to the UK a few weeks ago but I was so excited to have a free wi-fi connection at Orlando airport that I kept using it until my row of seats was called for boarding. With no time to do a proper shut down, I just shut the lid and that dropped it into sleep mode for the rest of the trip home.

It was a particularly rough flight as we took off into a severe thunderstorm but although I doubt that had any effect on it, the laptop was never the same once I got it home. I was able to back up my photos and videos and other important stuff but finally a few days ago, it wouldn't even power up into Windows.

Yesterday I took it to Stephen, Daphne's hubby, who is a bit of a wiz with computers and all things with a plug and he has already managed to backup the entire hard drive using a disc based version of Ubuntu as the operating system and so if he can get no further, I'm happy for him to try and do a 'restore to factory settings' recovery.

So until then, or until I have to buy a new laptop, I'm very grateful to have the loan of this Asus Eee from Daphne to help me have at least a small window into the internet. A small window is never as good as a Vista, but it's better than having no view at all.

Another little geek joke there.


For those who have never seen an Eee, I've added a biro to the photo for scale but when you realise that the closed unit is as wide as my outstretched hand, then you'll see why it's not an easy task to write a blog post........so there may not be many for the next few days.

So with a huge thanks to both Stephen and Daphne, I'll leave the story here. I dare not put this Eee down in case I can't find it again and it's just so damn cute that I may find it hard to give back.

Daphne, you have been warned.

Football : It's A Funny Old Game

It's a sunny May day and in the world of British football, it's FA Cup Finals day.....one in Scotland that only viewers of Sky Sports 1 know about and the important one in England, being contested right now by Chelsea and Portsmouth.

So an all 'southern' Cup Final then and that's just not right. Most footy fans would want a good old North/South game as there is always a bit of needle in such contests even before the ball is kicked in anger.

Back when I were a lad and football was played in black and white, at least on our telle, the build up to the FA Cup Final started at about 11am. Thankfully, despite the game now being played for the benefit of the tv companies and their advertisers, it tends to start at a more reasonable 1pm, two hours before kickoff.

But it's a sad sign of the times when the build up is not so much about the games played by the players ON the pitch but by the games played by a few of them OFF the pitch. The term WAG (Wives And Girlfriends) came about several years ago when cable television took off and the amount of money that was paid to televise live games went from a few £million to a few £billion and almost overnight, footballers became celebrities based on their income and subsequent socialising more than their ability, although the two sometimes went together.

Back then, those who played on the field earned the money that was spent, often very publicly, by their partners who enjoyed playing off the pitch, by shopping, partying and generally appearing in any glossy magazine with a photographer on its books and every tabloid that didn't.

With their lives in the spotlight more than ever, it was only a matter of time before sordid stories of marital infidelity came out and as is the way these days, such stories generate more interest than the goings on during a game. The best one was when a high profile married player, captain of Chelsea and England, was found to be having a bit of extra practice with the girlfriend of another player, a player who had been his team mate a few months earlier. This particular soap opera was enriched by follow up stories of the girlfriend getting pregnant, having an abortion and lover boy trying to seek an injunction to have it all hushed up.

And we thought the football bad boys had all 'died out' in the 70's. It would be tempting to think that we have a different type of bad boy now, but I'm sure it's been going on for decades. It's only since becoming instant celebrities with their £170,000 a week salaries that their every move, on and off the pitch, is scrutinised, often in super slow motion !

Back in those black and white days, players didn't earn much more than the fans on the terraces who supported them. They kicked a heavy leather ball around a pitch that often resembled a muddy field and went home to fish and chips on a good day. Now they kick a ball that is so light that it moves several times in the air and play on pitches that resemble a deep pile living room carpet. After a game they dine out at fancy restaurants and settle a bill that would be the monthly salary for a stockbroker.

Their lives are as far removed from the fans on the terraces as those of Hollywood movie stars and I wonder if their private lives are heading that way too. If today's pre match build up on telle was to include such affairs, literally, then I think we'd be back to the show starting at 11am, on Friday !

But it's still our national game and has never been more popular. Thanks to safety regulations and many more games being televised live, we'll never see actual attendances like those in the early days but it doesn't matter anymore. The money raised by ticket sales are a drop in the ocean compared to television rights, advertising and other commercial ventures. It also helps if the club owner is as rich as Croesus of course.

Last year Manchester United sold Cristiano Ronaldo to Real Madrid in a deal worth £80m, the current world record for a football transfer. Were Real Madrid mad ? Many thought so at the time.

Ronaldo has played 34 games since then for Real Madrid and although he has scored 33 goals, the even more staggering statistic is that in this first season, Real have already recouped the transfer fee in Ronaldo shirt sales alone ! Who is mad now ?

So as long as football itself is supported like this by the fans, it will continue to flourish. A match day ticket for a high level Premiership game may be out of the reach of most working fans but television coverage will continue to bring it to them in their armchairs and down at the local pub, as it will with games from the FIFA World Cup which starts in just under 4 weeks time in South Africa.

I can't wait.

The FA Cup Final has just finished with the victory going to Chelsea, who only managed to score once.

Unlike their captain.

The Dunkerque Spirit

The Italian Bunch (Daphne, Stephen and myself) had so much fun touring parts of Northern Italy together last summer that we planned on 'doing' Ireland this summer. I was excited to show my friends around my home country, N. Ireland, but it struck me last night that I just wasn't getting a 'buzz' about touring the South.

I looked at other options and felt I wanted to go the other way and cross over to The Continent again as I've never visited 99% of it. I've been to parts of France, Spain, Austria, Germany, Holland and, of course Italy, but that only amounts to the remaining 1%.

I talked it over with Daphne and she was enthusiastic about the change of plans as she really only wanted to see N. Ireland too and we can all possibly go there on a long weekend sometime, probably not this year though.

So where do we go ? Right now we've no idea !

I've looked at channel ferry crossings in early August and we'll most likely take the Dover to Dunkerque route but then where ? Well it's less than an hours drive to the beautiful Belgian town of Bruges (Brugge), with a centre that is a World Heritage Site and I've always wanted to go there. That's a good start.

Less than 3hrs drive north from Bruges and you are in Amsterdam, capital of The Netherlands and the home town of Daphne's brother, Michael, and his family. If that's not a good enough reason for a visit, then I want to see its famous canals and even its numerous cannabis coffee houses so that I can say I left Amsterdam on a high !

After that, I think we're open to any suggestions and will most likely head due south to spend the bulk of the trip (2 weeks +) touring around the (hopefully) beautiful French countryside as if it's one feature of the Italian trip that we loved more than anything else, it was the stunning Tuscan countryside. I'm sure France can deliver too.

So as I know I get occasional readers from France and also readers who have toured France, I'd be really pleased to receive any advice about places to visit and also about scenic drives. Of course I can put my surfing skills to good use over the next couple of months as once the ferry crossings have been booked, there is nothing else to do but create a touring route.

I'm happy to report that the 'buzz' has returned.

All Quiet On The Western Front

I'm not really an 'on this day in history' sort of guy as I like to live in 'the now' and after all, what's been, has been. And also que sera, sera, if you believe Doris Day.

But many historical events are well worth remembering ( mainly so they have enough questions to create a decent history exam at school ) and one today struck me with a bit more force than usual - maybe because I'd been hearing a lot in the run up to our General Election last Thursday about making use of our right to vote.

As it was going to be a close election, everyone seemed to be telling us to use our vote. We were constantly reminded that people struggled for years to get us the vote and in the case of voting for women, that right cost lives as well. So perhaps the whole notion of what we owe previous generations was more in my mind today than usual.

Anyway the point of all this setup waffle is that on May 10th 1941, the most devastating bombing raid of 'The Blitz' took place in London and to pull this together with the General Election, it's worth noting that the chamber of the House of Commons was destroyed. Looking at all the historic buildings in London now, it's hard to imagine any of them having survived the blitz which lasted 8 months. London was bombed for 76 consecutive nights. Can you imagine that ?

On this day back in 1941, in a raid involving 550 German bombers, over 700 tons of bombs and thousands of incendiaries were dropped on our capital city, killing about 1500 people and seriously injuring 1800. Londoners didn't know it at the time, but this was effectively the last such bombing raid and has become the official end date for the blitz. Of course a new blitz took place in 1944 when the Germans developed flying bombs (V1/V2) which caused even more terror than old fashioned bombs and killed almost 9,000 people.

Many other towns and cities in the UK were targeted too, including Leeds, although these may have been stray bombs meant for Hull (60 miles away) as Hull was the most bombed city after London. This explains why it still looks like a bomb site today ! Sorry Hull.

And here's another little interesting fact; Oxford was never bombed as Hitler wanted it as his capital city. Say what you like about him, the man had style !

Old as I am, I was born several years after the end of WWII and so I just can't imagine living through 8 months of almost constant bombing. Hell I get spooked when a firework goes off or someone pops a crisp/chip bag. Sadly, many communities around the world still have to suffer such awful events to some extent although these days, most bombs do not start their journey on board a plane but are carried inside an SUV.

So there we have it. On this day in history : the end of the blitz.

Diary Entries:

May 10th 1941. More bombs than usual. Had tea and scones in the shelter.

May 11th. 1941. Bit quiet today.

It's a Fair Cop

I lay in bed this morning thinking about Dixon of Dock Green. Slightly more worrying than thinking about kitchen utensils but let me explain.

I was really thinking about cop shows and movies and if they reflect the times or is it the other way round. I know. I really need to get out of bed once I've woken up !

My memories of most things only go back to a week last Wednesday but for some reason, I do vividly remember watching Dixon Of Dock Green when I "were a lad". I was only 3 when the series started in 1955 but even so, even at that tender age, I did think Jack Warner's character did reflect the times. He was like everyone's favourite uncle and I'm sure he wore a lovely knitted cardy under his uniform. When he politely asked a villain to stop, he'd stop and the most violence we saw was when Jack or one of his colleagues put their hand on someone's shoulder and said "you're nicked, my lad."

There were no high powered car chases (not quite the same using bicycles) and certainly no gun shooting like in just about every cop show these days. Having said that, Jack's Dixon character first appeared in a movie, "The Blue Lamp" in 1950 when stunned audiences watched as he investigated a cinema robbery and was shot and killed by a very young Dirk Bogarde. It was just so shocking for a policeman to be shot at in England at that time. It still is, to be honest.

So fresh from his death, Dixon starred in his long running series and set the standard for cop shows on this side of the pond for the next 21 years. Policemen were respected. They were trusted. And yes, they wore funny helmets. Still do.

Over the decades, the times they were a changing and although UK police shows changed and became a bit more gritty and violent, they still were very tame compared to their US counterparts. Just think of Juliet Bravo, The Bill, Z Cars and even The Sweeney in the mid 70's and none were likely to raise questions about their uber violence. I suppose Heartbeat was borderline at times (!!) but the sweet sounds of the 60's used as the musical background still took us back to Dixon and his gentler policing methods.

We don't have the tv income to splash out on flashy special effects or be able to write off loads of cars in spectacular chases so we concentrate on the plots and with the influx of US cop shows, we can be said to have the best of both worlds.

Once upon a time, America gave us Kojak and we gave them Z Cars. They gave us Miami Vice, we gave them Dempsey & Makepeace. They gave us TJ Hooker and we gave them The Thin Blue Line.

Never mind better plots, I think over the years we've had the better of the deals !

G'night all.

Teeth ? Who'd Have 'Em ?

I've just returned from an appointment with the dental hygienist and, as usual, I'm not sure why I pay a fortune to have someone inflict pain on me. I know the 'poor' girl doesn't mean to inflict pain but when you're poking and scraping teeth, you'll always inflict pain, unless you're a coroner !

It was supposed to be a double appointment as, after being abused by the hygienist, I was due to be carried kicking and screaming into the dentist's chair in a nearby office for even more poking and prodding. And maybe drilling. And certainly more criticism.

Yes it's bad enough that all this pain gets inflicted on me but then these professionals see a need to tell me it's all my fault and if I looked after my teeth better, they'd not have to hurt me !

It's like a kick in the teeth !!

Ok I'll admit I don't floss and I rarely use those little pokey things you shove between your teeth as, lets face it, they take time and effort and I just wanna brush my teeth and get out of the bathroom. So maybe they have a right to criticise my dental hygiene as, apparently, a healthy mouth helps maintain a healthy heart. This isn't a theory I entirely support but having had 2 heart attacks, I Guess I should be willing to try anything to prevent a 3rd.

Part of my problem is I quite like plaque. I mean when my teeth are all cleaned and scraped and there are nice gaps between them, that's when the food bits take up the slack. For weeks after an appointment, I have to pick enough meat from between my teeth each night to feed a small African village. Then eventually plaque fills the gaps and voila.....no room for food ! I think plaque is nature's food barrier and as such, serves a function.

I doubt that any long term study would prove my theory to be anything other than wishful thinking so I'l just have to go with the flow on this.

Anyway I got a letter on Tuesday telling me my dentist, due to unforeseen circumstances, couldn't make the appt and could I make another appt with her after my visit with the hygienist today ? Well as I really wanted both 'pain visits' out of the way one after the other, I went yesterday to try and book an appt with both again. When the receptionist started muttering about mid July, I said forget it and I'd stick with the hygienist appt today and that way she got me in with the dentist in 2 weeks time.

Never thought of hygienists as being so popular !

So a nanosecond after she poked my first tooth and caused me to put a death grip on the chair arm, she said "oh I'm sorry but your gums are very sensitive there and I'll be more gentle." MORE GENTLE ? Shouldn't that be the standard from the get go ? What's that old expression for medical people..."first cause no pain" ?? Maybe it's "first do no harm" but I prefer my version.

Then while I'm trying to do complex math in my head to help block out the pain, she starts asking about my time in America. Obviously hygienists get trained like dentists and have this bizarre notion that having the patient talking will help deaden the pain. NO IT DOESN'T !!

You end up trying to mumble answers with a VERY sharp metal bit spinning at about 20,000rpm on the back of your teeth. One false move and you could be skewered like a display butterfly. Leave me alone and let me work on my times tables.

At one point, when I was allowed to sit up and gargle, I asked her what it was like to be feared, if not worse, by everyone who came to see her ? On reflection that probably wasn't the best time to ask and I sensed I'd touched a nerve (payback's a bitch) when she roughly pushed me back onto the chair, straddled me and roared like a demented maniac as she approached my mouth with a needle sharp dental scraper.

No she didn't ! But I did ask the question and to be fair to the girl, she laughed and said it was an occupational hazard.

Finally it was time for her to say "I'll just give them a quick clean" as that signals the end to the pain. I still just wanted out of there in case she changed her mind so when she opened up her drawer of consumer products and recommended some new long handled pokey thing, she'd already lost me as a potential customer.

I said I'd think about it and was out of there faster than Will Smith at a KKK rally.

So that's it for another 6 months. I've told myself to up my dental hygiene program and as I said earlier, this wouldn't take much. I'll try this flossing malarky although I just know I'll never manage it as I've a small mouth and big fingers (stop laughing) and I'll use the pokey things, at least until I use up my supply. Then I'll just swap to a fork. Can do several at once then.

I've just had a beef curry and I can enjoy a lot of the beef again all afternoon as I now have a nice supply handily tucked in between most of my teeth.

I miss my plaque ! Nature's grout.

Kitchen Marvels.

Like Sir Walter Raleigh before me, I recently returned from 'the New World' bearing gifts. Yes, yes I know HE didn't actually bring back potatoes or tobacco but I'm sure he brought his Queen a couple of postcards and a t-shirt so go with me on this.

A couple of these gifts were mine (I don't make the rules) and they'd been given to me by Debby/Den at Christmas but not used until I got home. Both are kitchen products and one, the scrubby, I've used many times before but love having my own here and the other.......well I'll start with that one.

First a question. Why are oven mitts, mitts ? I mean seriously. Why have a large mitt as your protection for handling hot food items and containers ? I know they're ok for just removing a pan from the oven but hardly practical for more precise work....like picking out one roast potato for a trial nibble !

And so, with a suitable drum roll please, I introduce the oven glove. Brilliant. Must've taken a lot of thought to design a mitt with fingers. At least we can now stir the gravy in the scalding hot roasting dish without feeling like the elephant man brushing his hair.

But this is no simple insulated oven glove. Oh dear me no. This is........the 'Ove' Glove


I bet the PR men had a great time around the table naming this little beauty. They probably couldn't copyright the name "oven glove" and so the "Ove" Glove came into existence.

I don't care. I just know I love it. I love it so much I want to wear it outside. It would be a sort of Gordon Ramsay meets Michael Jackson sort of deal. As well as making a fashion statement, I'd be able to drag small children out of burning buildings. And yes, it's THAT good.

Why ? Well because it's 86% Nomex, which isn't a word used by immigration authorities along the Texas border but a flame resistant material developed by DuPont in the 60's and long used by fire fighters the world over. But there's more !

The other 14% isn't just some pathetic old cotton or nylon. Hell no. It's Kevlar.

KEVLAR ??? Yes the stuff used to make body armour !

So now when I'm out and about wearing my 'Ove' glove and I happen to come across an armed bank robbery, I can walk into the building without fear as with my gloved hand to protect me, I can stop a speeding bullet like that dude who always wore his underpants on the outside. Weird guy.

What bloody useful gloves and I think they should be provided to every household for free.

And look, it can even be used on either hand !! God, they've thought of everything. I even like the heightened strips which as well as giving extra grip to stop those slippery bullets or get a hot sausage out of the frying pan, are in my favourite colour....blue.

Actually come to think of it, the expression "out of the frying pan and into the fire" was made for this glove !

The second kitchen gift I brought back was handmade by a friend in sunny Buttonwood Bay and something I've used and loved for a few years. Not this particular one of course as it's brand new. I don't know if the name, the scrubby, was thought up by her or if she's just copied the idea from someone else but that's irrelevant.

It's simply a length of material knitted into a sort of ball that you use for scrubbing pots and pans and anything that has bits of baked on food on the surface. It's a scourer but one that doesn't scratch as the material is JUST harsh enough to remove food bits but not harsh enough to even put a mark on the most delicate of surfaces.

I'm sure there are products on the market like it but for me, nothing beats this handmade "scrubby" and it's become my dish cleaning aid of choice.

The reason for the fork in the photo above ? Just for scale.

Anyway I'm off to have shower and I may well wear my 'Ove' Glove as I like the water pretty hot and the soap does get very slippery. And remember, it's good for gripping things !!

But I'll forgo using the scrubby as, with my delicate skin that is mostly free from baked on food bits, I still prefer my sponge.

Caribbean Cruise - Day 4

And what happened to Day 3 you may ask ?

Well it was the first of 2 days at sea so there isn't much to report. We got up, we ate, we rested, we ate, we read, we ate, we swam, we ate and then we went to the theatre to see Motor City - A Tribute to The Music of Motown And The Stars Who Created It.

And that was Day 3 !

So at 10am on Day 4, the Emerald Princess docked at St. Maarten, a small island divided roughly 60/40 between France and the Netherlands Antilles with the 60 bit being French, so of course we didn't go there ! The overall population is approx 75,000 but as with most Caribbean cruises, we saw few of them.


After a hearty breakfast, we went up on desk to have a look at the harbour area even though both of us had been to the island before. Yet again we were one of several cruise ships docked close to the main town of Philipsburg and Debby was amused to see that the ship in front of us was the Carnival Dream, the ship she had been on in January. It's a small world after all......oh sorry.

Now you'll have that damn tune in your head for the rest of the day.

There were two other cruise ships to our left and this meant we had to walk along a 'tunnel of cruise ships' to get to the harbour exit.


It's not easy to see from the photo above but there are two ships on the left and just beyond our radar domes on the right side, is the back of the Carnival Dream. Those two ships on the left were long enough and tall enough to block anything to their left so when we eventually got to the end of the pier, it was quite a shock to see another cruise ship docked over there.

And not just any ship. It was the Oasis Of The Seas, at 1,181ft long and 236ft above the water line, the largest cruise ship in the world. On it's way from the shipyard in Finland to America last year, it had to pass under a bridge with a clearance of only 213ft. Something had to give and it wasn't going to be the bridge. The ship has retractable telescoping funnels and so it cleared the bridge but with only 2ft to spare. Glad I wasn't 'driving' it.

Even up against the other 4 mammoth cruise ships, the Oasis of the Seas was a sight to behold.


Fully loaded, it can take 6,296 passengers and 2,165 crew so it really is a floating town at sea. Majestic but nevertheless quite ugly in my opinion.

Once outside the security area, there was the typical manicured cruise village where we saw all the usual shops selling the same jewelry and tourist type clothing that you'll find at just about every harbour location in the Caribbean.


We avoided those shops and headed for the taxi rank as we planned on going across to the west of the island to Princess Juliana International Airport and its famous runway that starts/ends only a few feet from a public beach.

The drive there took about 30 minutes and although we did see something of the area, we could've been on any island in the Caribbean.

As we approached the narrow road that runs between the beach and the runway, a large plane had taxied to the end, turned and was ready for takeoff. Our driver stopped as it's too dangerous to drive any further on these occasions and we settled in to watch 'the show'. Suddenly the noise level increased dramatically and just as the jet slowly moved forward on full power, we glanced at the narrow beach and those foolhardy souls who were deliberately standing within range, were literally blown off their feet and most ended up in the water.

Hence the sign........


Once the plane was out of range, our taxi crossed over and dropped us off at the east end of the beach where there was a bar that was probably only there due to the tourists like us who came to experience the landings and takeoffs at the airport. We strolled onto the beach to await the first landing.

Several small planes landed in quick succession but none were worthy of note. Small planes need less runway so there was no need for them to land right at the start of the runway and so no need for them to fly low over the beach.

I'd checked landing times before we started on the cruise (although I later learned there is an upright surfboard somewhere along the beach that gives these times too) and I knew there was a large Air France plane coming in from Paris at 1:30pm and so we only had 30 minutes to wait.

Everyone else knew this too and as the time approached, keen eyes scanned the horizon. A young lad near us saw it first and as the seconds passed, the dot became a plane and I got ready with my camera. I passed my little Nikon to Debby so she could get video footage and I prepared for still shots. I started shooting when the plane was still over the water and I was standing facing it but I hadn't thought about the potential for disaster when swivelling round in the sand to track it to the runway.

I stumbled slightly and although I kept shooting, there was always only going to be one frame when the plane was closest to me and closest to the beach - and I messed it up by chopping off its tail. I was pissed.

(That's a proper technical term used by photographers to explain how they feel when they screw up)


It was a bit of an overcast day, so once the show was over, we decided to head back to the ship. Again it was hard to avoid taking photos of those huge cruise ships so here are a couple more.



Back on board, we had something to eat and a rest before going up on deck around sunset to watch our departure from St. Maarten. We were the first of the 4 closely docked cruise ships to leave and as we reversed out (!!), I hoped the Oasis would still be there, but it had left before us and was only visible as a dot on the horizon.

We stayed up on deck for a lovely sunset........



.....and then after dinner, we went to the theatre to see another set by the excellent 'relationship' comedian, Kevin Hughes.

Going across to the airport to see the planes taking off and landing was a selfish dream on my part and I want to thank Debby for going with me so I could get it out of my system !

Here is the unedited video clip she took and yes, unlike me, she managed to get all of the plane in the frame. I have been suitably humbled.

Crossing The Pond

Today the sun shone, the sky was blue and it was warm. I know, I know !

But I'm in England !

Fantastic. A proper Spring day in fact.

But before all that, I need to return to Sunday evening to tell the story of my trip here.

Once inside Orlando terminal A, I came upon a scene of utter chaos with several Virgin Atlantic check-in desks open but no individual flights on their signs. Due to the VAT (Volcanic Ash Troubles), they had put on extra flights and so the passengers for 5 flights were all lined up with no departure time priority. I almost walked back to Sebring just to find the end of the line and word came back that it was taking 90 minutes to get to the front....and my flight was due to leave in 2 hrs.

The people handling the line were all British Consular officials flown in from far and wide to help the usual Virgin staff. No sniggering. I called one over and mentioned that my flight was in 2 hrs and after checking with someone, he opened up the barrier and led me to the front of the line ! It pays to be pro-active I've found.

So it was that at 17:30, I joined up with 453 others and boarded this little 11 yr old baby........

Due to take off at 18:15, we pulled back from the gate 45 minutes late and even the pilot told us he didn't know why ! Not sure I believed that and I suspected he wanted to finish his 6-pack so as not to declare it in the UK.

After a bit of very slow driving out along various runway approaches, we came to a stop. The sky was darkening rapidly as a storm was approaching and sure enough, the pilot told us that mission control, sorry the guys up in the tower, had put a block on all takeoffs due to the lightning that was now visible all around us. The engines were turned off and we waited......and waited.

Finally, at just after 20:00, we took off and headed right into the storm. Who's bright idea was that then ? After a few minutes climbing, we apparently hit the middle of it as the plane was lit up like a Christmas tree and started vibrating like a cheap sex toy. I believe.

I was in an exit row window seat and as two of the cabin staff were sitting opposite me, I locked onto their faces like a love torn teenager. The theory being, if they weren't in a panic, I felt no need to panic either. Then the plane dropped about 1,000 ft in a few seconds and my stomach totally disobeyed my brain and panicked. I felt ill.

The climb continued with me watching the twin engines on the left wing bouncing up and down like a child's yo-yo, all the while telling myself that wings are designed for this sort of experience. My stomach wasn't. The lightning flashes continued to light up the plane and at no time did anyone on the flight deck think to offer words of comfort and reassurance to my stomach. I'm sure they were busy watching the lightning out the front window but I felt a few words would've helped many of us.

After about 10 minutes, things, but not my stomach, settled down and the rest of the flight was relatively normal. As a seasoned flyer, I'd never experienced turbulence like it but my time had to come I guess. I'm just happy to report my TIME hadn't come.

The seat sucked, the food sucked, the movie choices sucked and as the old guy next to me was a Scot with no built in subtitles, conversation sucked. And yet the 8 hrs passed quickly. Go figure.

We landed near the green, green grass of home and there to meet me, was...well Daffy actually and in no time we were back in Leeds and my trip from Sebring was over for another year.

It took 24 hrs to get my internet and cable tv up and running but now both are sorted. I've still a lot to do before I can be settled so apologies for slow replies to emails, tweets, IM's and Facebook messages.

Thank you all for your 'safe trip' wishes as they obviously warded off a lightning strike !

Bye Bye Florida

Yes the day that seemed so far away when I came here at the end of October has arrived and in a few hours I'll be on my way back to Blighty.

As ever, it's hard to believe I've been here for 6 months but my diary entry for today has the Virgin Atlantic flight details on it and so it must be true. Sunny Manchester here I come !

After many winter blog posts with the phrase 'sunny Buttonwood Bay' in them, it's time for a change. Time to go home. Time to enjoy bacon and fish & chips and of course, Yorkshire puddings. Time to see hills and valleys and more shades of green than burned brown. In short, time to see glorious England again.

I just want to 'publicly' thank my hosts for the last 6 months, Deb and Den. They've had to put up with me at VERY close quarters and as anyone who knows me will testify, that ain't easy. I'd like to thank and say g'bye to my friends here in the park although many of them have already gone back to their northern American homes until next winter when, hopefully, we'll all meet up here again.

I'd especially like to say thanks to Clair and Mary who again put up with my foibles for 6 months.

Please forgive my many mood swings and if it seemed like I was quiet and/or upset at times, it was nothing to do with you as it's just how I am. You are "good people" and fun golf partners and one thing I'm determined to do on my return here is to be more active in this active community so you guys better be ready for even more golf and added amounts of pool, darts and bocce ball.

Hey I said active and as far as I'm concerned, any upper body movements are classed as active.

Speaking of which, I'm leaving Florida quite a bit heavier than when I arrived and I'm not talking carry on luggage here. Well I guess I am cause I'm certainly carrying this extra weight with me.....everywhere. The cruise last week caused a lot of it so it's not my fault at all ! I'm the victim here, people. A cruise should come with a serious health warning.

So although I'll be returning to an England where the temps are substantially lower and The Sun is more of a newspaper than a hot orb in the sky, I MUST get out there every day and exercise. Sadly the cost of petrol has rocketed in my absence so my usual method of exercise, driving to the stores and back, will lose me the wrong sort of pounds ! However I did plan for this eventuality and my car is full to the brim with 97p a litre petrol so I'll enjoy that while I can. With a range of over 500 miles, and how little driving I do in England, that'll probably last me till Christmas.

Ok it's time to shut this laptop down and get it packed. On a golf cart ride around this almost deserted park yesterday afternoon, I had Deb take this picture of me in front of the Buttonwood Bay entrance sign as it sums up my feelings. I'm sad to be leaving this place and my friends here but if the next 6 months pass as quickly as the previous ones, I'll be back before I know it.

And with my memory, that's a given anyway !!

It's A Small World After All.

No I've not been in Florida too long but that annoying Disney tune does pop into my head much too often for my liking.

This time I put it up there as it's a good title for this short (yes SHORT) pre-bed blog post, as you will soon see.

The basic story is this : I'm currently reading a monster book by Ken Follett which isn't about monsters at all. Well not in the big scary beastie way at least. It's set in 14th century England and there are nasty characters within its pages and as there are over 1,000 pages, there are a LOT of nasty characters. Lets just say it wasn't a good time to be a witch or a petty thief or lower class !

On the other hand, if you were nobility (or a "nob head" as I like to think of them) or a monk, prior or other religious person, it was a great time to be a part time murderer, rapist and paedophile. I did say 14th century, didn't I ? Just checking.

So as I only read in bed, it's been slow going and even though I took the book on the cruise with me, I'm only on page 552 and I've had it over 2 weeks. It's not looking good that I'll get to finish it before I leave Florida.

And now (finally) we get to the 'small world' bit. My book is due back on Saturday.....24th April.

I've checked online at my local library in Leeds and they have a copy of the book but it's out at the moment. When is it due back ? Saturday 24th April !!

When I saw that, I felt a cold hand gripping my private bits - and I'm alone here. Ok that didn't come out right AT ALL. I meant an icy chill ran up my spine...or was it down my spine ?

Whatever. It was icy AND cold and very spooky.

And there's more, as Jimmy Cricket used to say.

The name of the book ? World Without End !

Altogether now......

It's a small world after all,

It's a small world after all,

It's a small world after all,

It's a small, small world.

Not quite Eurovision quality lyrics but try getting that damn tune out of your head when it's in there as you go to bed.

Arrgggggggggggggggggggggg.

Caribbean Cruise - Day 2

After a decent night's sleep in our telephone booth room, we woke to find ourselves at Princess Cays; just as well, as the cruise ship was there too ! Har har.

The option to have 'served' breakfast in the main dining room ended at 9am and I can tell you now, we never made it there on ANY morning ! This left the breakfast buffet which was hardly a bad 2nd choice as just about anything you could imagine for breakfast was available and a few items, like french fries and cookies, were available too. Gotta keep your sugar levels up on a cruise y'know.

So....Princess Cays. Never heard of it ? Quelle surprise !

Ever heard of Eleuthera ? Oh come ON. What are you people like ?!

You can't ALL be American !

(Way to go Ian. Piss off your largest reader group why don't you.)

Well Eleuthera is a 100 mile long and very thin (1 mile across in places) island which is part of The Bahamas chain and Princess Cays is a location right on the southern tip of this island. It's a private location owned by the Princess Cruise Line and so once there, you might as well be in Blackpool or Atlantic City except for the lack of floating sewage in the former and the racket of slot machines in the later. It would be a bit of a cheek to claim you'd been to The Bahamas by visiting Princess Cays but hey, go for it if you want to make that claim. I certainly plan to.

Anyway their dock couldn't cope with a ship the size of the Emerald Princess and so we parked up (bit too technical there ?) well offshore and used the ship's tenders to get us there and back. This involved gathering in the Michaelangelo dining room on deck 5, getting a ticket, and when a group of numbers was called out, making your way to the boarding area and getting on one of the tenders which were 'running' non stop twixt ship and resort from 9am till the last one at 3:15pm.

We thought it best to take one that was close to the ship as I'm not a strong swimmer and here is the view from my spot on board.


And this is the view looking back at the ship as we approached Princess Cays.


And this is the view from the dock looking back at an arriving tender with the ship in the background.


Lovely.

Once on dry land, we could've gone to the left where most of the passengers were heading as that's where more of the beach loungers were set up. We therefore headed right as we like a bit more privacy on a beach and anyway, I could smell food that way.


As you can see, it was a very artificial and unnatural setting with paved streets leading everywhere with the vast bulk of the ship dominating the view seawards. Food (free) and drink (not free) was available at several locations and this included every meat it was possible to bbq as well as healthy options like hotdogs, beefburgers and the like !

These two photos show the entrance to one of the four buffet areas and also my meal choice, sitting on my lap while I'm on a lounger on the beach. Hard life I know !



Look ! Lettuce, tomato and onion and even some healthy meat too !!

It had started out warm and a bit overcast but by the time we got settled on the beach, the skies cleared and it looked much more like a Caribbean location. I did tend to take lots of photos with the ship in the background as it was just such a 'kodak' location.





A few people couldn't wait for a tender to take them back to the ship for the more substantial buffet lunch and made a break for it by whatever means possible. Here are two on an aqua-cycle and I've no idea if they made it but I admired their courage. At least they'd have worked up an appetite and I sooo hope they had their sailing cards on them or the ride would've been a total waste of time.


The beach was really a series of small bays each ending with a rocky outcrop and as you might see from the first photo below, these rocks had 'security guards' posted on them to stop us from climbing on them and having lots of jolly fun. Spoilsports.

I did, however, ask that guard if I could clamber over his rocks (!!) to take photos of.....yes the bloody ship again......and he said that would be ok.

Actually everything was done by sign language - I pointed at my camera, then the rocks and did the little man walking routine with my fingers. He looked at me like I was a mad Brit (shut it !!) and hunched his shoulders which I took as a sign of acceptance. On the other hand, he may have been saying "yes you may climb on these irregular, slippery rocks but when you fall and break your stupid British neck and die, don't come crawling to Princess Cruise Lines expecting compensation."

I understood this but as I'd be dead anyway, I didn't really care about any compensation offer.

Here are a couple that I took and maybe it wasn't worth the effort and risk to life that I went through to get them.



Once back on the ship (where entertainment and activities had been going on all day for those who didn't venture onto Princess Cays), I watched a bit of Avatar in 2D on the big deck screen and after another late evening meal, we went back to the Princess Theatre at 10:30pm for a new 'set' from the excellent comedian, Kevin Hughes.

All that lounging, eating and walking to the dining room had worn us out and so, after the show, we called it a day.

We decided on.....Monday.

Caribbean Cruise - Day 1

Oh now I know what y'all are thinking......he's not even half way through posts about the Italian trip from last summer and here he goes with another trip !

Well these cruise posts won't be anywhere near as detailed so I'll get it all 'over with' in a few days. It's hard to talk about ships, sun, sea and sand over and over without losing my loyal readers so yes, I'll try and be brief. Well brief for me !

Having said that, I want this to be my log of the cruise and so it may be a bit more detailed than most reports but you can always skip the text and just look at the piccies.

So last Sunday (11th) some lovely Buttonwood Bay friends drove us across to Port Everglades for 2pm which is when we wanted to board the cruise ship. Everything was very well organised and in no time we'd been processed, got our sailing cards (see previous post) and were going up the gangplank and stepping onto Deck 4 on the 2007 Emerald Princess, at 113,000 tonnes and 951 ft long, the 2nd largest ship in the Princess Cruise Line fleet.

The impressive way we were shown to our stateroom (B244) by crew members who were spread out to usher us the right way, set the standard for the rest of the cruise as they were ultra efficient, friendly and plentiful. Just as well when there are 3100 passengers on board.

We got to our room and yes, it was small. Jokes were regularly made by the show comedians about the size of the showers and the fact that, if you so wanted, you could be on the toilet and be brushing your teeth over the sink at the same time. I'd go one stage further and say that if the shower curtain wasn't there, you could shower, pee in the toilet AND brush your teeth over the sink at the same time ! And before you ask, no that's just a theory.

We explored the room and so 5 seconds later, were all set to explore the ship ! It had been raining on and off all day and the sky was overcast and ugly. As we were in port, this wasn't an issue although we hoped it wasn't going to be that way all trip.

Not having cruised for 4 years, I was well impressed with the huge movie screen up on deck which was showing music concerts by stars like Christina Aguilera, Tina Turner and the like.




The first order of business was to go to our muster station for the lifeboat drill and so at 3:30pm, we went to the Princess Theatre and joined 800 fellow passengers to listen to the drill instructions and then try on our lifejackets for size. I wasn't too keen on the bright orange colour though and made a mental note that if we should actually hit an iceberg on the cruise, not only would I be contacting the Guinness Book of Records people but I'd also be asking for a more acceptable blue lifejacket with contrasting white whistle and straps.


Being afloat on the Caribbean, watching one's cruise ship going down, is NO excuse for committing a fashion faux pas.

After returning to our room to replace the lifejackets, we explored a bit more of this massive ship, our home for next 7 days. For a change, it didn't have a central atrium that extended upwards for several decks. Instead it had a much nicer area with opposing sweeping staircases that covered just 3 decks and gave a much more intimate feel to this popular meeting/relaxing mid ship location.


As most people know, eating is never a problem on a cruise ship. Yes you may not like the quality of the food on offer but you NEVER hear any complaints about the quantity. On the Emerald Princess you could have food 24/7 and what I found to be most impressive (or sad, depending on your point of view) were the food choices available as a minimum all day. In my experience, it's usually been pizza and ice cream but not here............


We actually never made choices from this section until the last day but I can tell you the burgers were thick, juicy and awesome (cooked to order and if you wanted one rare, you had to sign a book absolving Princess from all blame for whatever illness might befall you) and the fries were some of the best I've ever had.

But then I'm easily pleased when it comes to burgers and fries !

Then it was 5pm and time to set sail. It was still overcast and raining but we went to the rail and with the larger Independence Of The Seas in the background, we were on our way to, hopefully, sunnier climes.

We had the 'dine anytime' evening meal option rather than picking one of the 2 set times as this allowed us to just turn up at either of the 2 'anytime' dining rooms (the DaVinci and the Michaelangelo) between 5:30pm and 10pm. We'd heard bad reports about this option with stories of passengers being handed pagers and then having to wait 45 minutes to be seated.

All I can say is that we stuck to that option every night and never had to wait in line more than a few minutes on a couple of nights. Even though both dining rooms were identical (although on different decks), we DID see a few pagers being handed out outside the DaVinci but never outside the Michaelangelo. Needless to say we always chose the later dining room !

The other advantage or disadvantage of this anytime dining was that you would be seated with different passengers every time. You could opt for a 'personal' table and after a couple of nights where we sat with some rather disagreeable couples who wanted to discuss politics and Obama's health care reforms, we chose to eat at our own table.

I took no record of the meal choices any night (I'm not THAT anal after all) but there was usually some entree for me to have even though I tended to pass on the starters and soup/salad courses. Desserts were just ok and I did miss not having creme caramel or creme brulee as an option any night.

As we ate late most evenings, we would usually go to the 10:30pm shows in the Princess Theatre and on this first night, we were treated to a wonderful comedian, Kevin Hughes, who has used his masters degree in psychology to create a 'relationship' comedy act that had us rolling in the aisles even more than the choppy seas.

And that was it for the first day and we knew that the following morning, we'd be in Princess Cays in The Bahamas. It's all go on this cruising lark.

I'll end with a short clip of unedited footage showing the on deck movie screen taken just before we set sail.

Vis-à-vis A Visa

To all those who have enquired about my status regarding the tephra currently floating over most of Western Europe, let me just say that I'm one step forward and one step back.

Maybe.

I'm due to fly Orlando to Manchester next Sunday evening and the likelihood of that flight landing anywhere in the UK is up there with Leeds winning automatic promotion. Possible but still inducing several sleepless nights.

Ignoring the irony of air pollution causing chaos for the airline industry, I thought this was my only concern surrounding my return trip home. I found out today that this was not the case.

At the start of a cruise and after the formalities have been completed at the port of embarkation, you get a 'sailing card' which is a multifunction card and one to be treated with even more care than a platinum credit card. When you get on or off a modern cruise ship, you have to use this sailing card to prove who you are and that you have the right to be leaving or boarding that specific ship at each destination along the route. This card is also used on board for all purchases from bling and perfume from the duty free shop to ordering drinks by the pool. When you add in needing it as your stateroom 'key', then you can see its value and how you must sleep with it under your pillow.

This has many benefits for the cruise company too as not only does it make it very easy for them to know who is still on shore when the ship needs to leave but it also encourages the passengers to 'spend freely' during the cruise as no cash is needed. The final bill is slid under your door in the early hours of your departure morning and as it is linked to your credit card account, there is nothing for you to do except weep bitterly, tear that pearl necklace from your good lady's sunburned neck and try and sell it to the first startled Croatian crew member you come across who probably couldn't afford it in your lifetime, never mind his.

Anyway all this background info takes me back to our disembarkation this morning when my card was scanned by the gangway reader and the big bulb on top switched from a 'goodbye and please come cruise with us again' green to a 'this guy is probably on a watch list so detain him immediately' red.

We were led off the ship and, bypassing the lines at the immigration desks, we ended up in an office where everyone was wearing blue latex gloves. My sphincter contracted involuntarily and I regretted having a big breakfast just an hour earlier. But it was all good and although I'm not sure why I was singled out (maybe it was due to my remaining in the US for another week after the cruise ended), I was just asked a few questions and I knew I'd be out of there in a few minutes.

Then I casually talked to the agent about the volcano news in Europe and that although the I-94 Immigration form in my passport was stamped for 180 days and would expire 2 days after my flight next Sunday, I said I hoped those 2 days would be enough. She said that despite the unusual circumstances (the volcano erupting), I still HAD to leave the US when the 180 days were up. They didn't care where I went to, as long as it was out of the US and if I didn't leave by then, I would lose my visa and probably never be issued another one !!

Oh wonderful. I was thinking, Canada ? Cuba ? Mexico ?

I had to try something, anything.

"Could you extend my departure date by a week or so ?"

"No."

"But when I've gone on a cruise before, my passport has been taken and returned to me at the end with a new I-94 form in it for another 180 days, so........"

"Well you've just been on a 'closed cruise' so we didn't need your passport."

By now I was fluttering my eyelashes, slowly licking my lips and after removing my t-shirt, was suggestively rubbing my fingers around my nipples in a last ditch effort to get her to change her mind.

Something must've tripped her trigger as without another word, she suddenly said she would give me an extra month on my I-94 so now I can be here till the end of May. This gives me breathing space in case my flight doesn't take off on time next Sunday but it was so weird to not even think I HAD a visa problem until a few seconds before it was sorted. That's my sort of problem !

Now the only cloud on the horizon is the cloud on the horizon.

Easter is over and the last thing I need is an Ash Sunday.

Cruisin'...... On A Sunday Afternoon

Even though we're back in sunny Buttonwood Bay in mid Florida (where it's actually overcast and 'damp' today), we have a wonderful week of cruising memories to look back on.

This was our 'home' for the last 7 days and what a great time we had.


With enough stories, photos (nearly 800) and video (over an hour) to edit (especially the stories !), there will be enough raw data for several blog posts over the next few weeks.

We got to see the world's largest cruise ship and I finally got to stand on THAT beach where landing planes can almost be touched and those taking off blow you down the sand and into the water. I ate till even my eatin' pants were popping buttons like shrapnel fragments and watched wonderfully entertaining stage shows most nights. We lay back on comfy loungers out on deck and watched the occasional movie on the big screen after dark. I managed to avoid the gym, spa and top deck jogging track but did try my hand at table tennis, crazy golf and doing the rounds of all the restaurants.

We experienced golden sands and crystal clear Caribbean water; we took taxi tours and even spent time at Jimmy Buffett's amazing Margaritaville complex.

And did I mention that we ate ? OMG did we eat. The scale will reveal all in the morning and it ain't gonna be pretty.

To be continued..........

Caribbean Cruising

Well tomorrow morning we're off on another Caribbean cruise and I get to add 3 new destinations to my list, namely the Bahamas, St. Thomas and Grand Turks. This cruise also goes to St. Maarten but although I went there in 2005, I'm really looking forward to this return as I missed going to it's unique airport where arriving planes fly so low to the beach that the crew wear flip-flops.

Trouble is, on the other side of the island is a nudist beach and the idea of whipping off my thong and going 'au naturelle' might be too much to resist. Mind you, given that I've been in the US for several months and have therefore developed my personal airbag quite a bit, I think I might only go to observe and not be a participant.

Why do I hear sighs of relief ? Cheek.

I love cruising. Well what's not to love ? Exotic destinations, relaxing days at sea and a never ending supply of food for one thing. Ok 3 things then and as long as there are no kids, no smokers and no rain, it'll all be perfect.

This one will be a lovely way to bring my 6 month winter in Florida to an end as I'll be returning to the UK a week after we get back from the cruise. If nothing else I should be able to pick up some better souvenir t-shirts than I'd get in Sebring !

I'll be taking the laptop (of course) but mainly to allow me to download photos. You can pay for internet on the ship but it costs quite a bit and it'll do me good to be off it for a week........yeah right ! The ship, the Emerald Princess, does have a bridge webcam so if you should want to, you can at least see where we are for the next 7 days. Right now it's on it's way back to Florida from Grand Turk and after a bit of a tidy up and replenishment, it'll be all set for us to get onboard around 2pm tomorrow.

So bye bye for now and 'see' you all in 8 days time.

I'll be the one with the brown face, red shoulders and the "I Was Banned From Orient Beach" t-shirt.