Monday, March 29, 2010

Oldies v Walmart

I know I go on a bit about the oldies down here in Florida but they really don't help themselves much by their actions. I think it's because I'm just not used to being around so many of them as due to living for most of the year in a 3rd world country, we don't have many ! If you live beyond 55 in the UK, it's because you have private medical insurance or are a member of the Royal Family.

Having said that, even by American standards, there are a LOT of old people in Florida. God's waiting room and all that.

And active ones too. They drive, in a fashion; they golf, from a cart; they breathe oxygen, from a canister and they pee, mostly into a bag. Yep, they're active alright.

We were going into our local Walmart one day last week and as we approached the entrance, a wrinkly was on her way out, driving one of those scooters reserved for the disabled and the aged but usually snapped up by the obese and basically anyone on welfare. It had a wire shopping basket on the front and hers was almost overflowing with choice retail products. She managed to cross the stupid area just outside the exit which looks like a section of the test track used to put Volvo suspensions through their paces and didn't have a single item bounce from her basket.

And what's that all about anyway ? Do they really believe some crazy paving will slow down anyone and their cart from legging it out of the store with a frozen chicken stuffed up their t-shirt and the cart loaded with a 58' plasma tv ? Well it might jiggle the tv circuitry a bit, I suppose, but the chicken would be past caring.

So her next obstacle was negotiating one of the bollards used to deter ram raiders from putting quality products ONTO the shelves ! Oh my, a little bit controversial again. Shame on me.

Well we just knew what was going to happen next and sure enough, like a moth to a flame, our motorised granny went straight for it. As we stood transfixed, she actually stopped about a foot from the bollard and quite frankly, I was a bit disappointed. I felt a huge let down.

With the phrase "nothing to see here" going round in my head, we prepared to move along when she suddenly flicked the scooter lever into 'forward' again and smacked right into the bollard.

I almost felt like cheering. I know, I'm going to hell but it won't be in a handbasket.

I plan on going in style - in a Walmart scooter !!

It was then that I noticed a few others taking in the scene and one of them was the Walmart 'greeter' who proved yet again that her one role in life is to annoy the hell out of incoming shoppers and do sod all to help those leaving. I guess the clue is in the title.

Anyway she watched this all taking place with the same sense of inevitability as the rest of us - probably more so as she must've seen it on a daily basis. It was only when the poor old lady got flustered and couldn't work the reverse lever that the greeter swung into action and went to help her. Much as I would've liked to have stayed to watch what followed, I felt like a peeping Tom or an accident rubbernecker and so we went on in to do our shopping.

I mean we had a whole store of 'Walmart People' to look out for and if you click to watch the video, I'd advise you to mute the "music."

I miss Sainsburys.


Jennyta said...

Definitely a whole new experience! However, bear in mind, Ian, that, barring accidents, old age comes to us all...Be nice!!

Silverback said...

I've admitted it before on this blog, Jenny....I'm an oldie too and I have my moments !

Daphne said...

Ahhh - - that bit where you said "mute the music" was not clear because you didn't say "DAPHNE! MUTE THE MUSIC!" and I only understand technical instructions if they're shouted. And I have to say that the music was unbearably hideous, though the photos were funny.
Sainsbury's is looking forward to your return.

Richard Speight said...

Having watched Fox News I fear too many people in the US will believe your comment about people in the UK only making it past the age of 55 if they have private medical insurance or a member of the Royal Family (who, surely fall into category 1 anyway!)

rhymeswithplague said...

Those Wal-Mart people are scary!

Katie said...

Ha ha ha that video makes Leeds market look tame by comparison. Its a good job its too cold here most of the time for the ladies of 'larger stature' to go out in scanty bits of spandex.

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