Monday, August 24, 2009

In Seach Of The Lost Cord

I bought this house back in May of 1982, so just over 27 years ago. It hasn't needed much doing to it, which has been just as well as my skill in DIY is as severely lacking as my interest in doing DIY. I know one end of a hammer from another but as both are hard, I'm quite happy to use either on the few occasions I've needed to use one.

But once you get into higher levels of DIY, like when 2 x 4's are mentioned, then you've lost me completely and I might as well be listening to Stephen Hawking....when he's pissed.

As a result, many things in this house have been in use for all of those 27 years and probably long before then too. One of them is the light cord in my bathroom which drops down about 3 feet from the ceiling as such things tend to do and the knob bit ( see, I'm sure there is a perfectly good DIY name for the gizmo that I pull on....and don't be crude !!.......but I don't know what it is ) was handily placed for me to.....well.....pull on it. I could, and usually did, do it with my eyes closed.

Get out of the gutter for goodness sake !

Now have you ever watched a tv show or a movie where a blind man is shown wandering around his living room ? Assuming he's lived there for some time, he can do this quite well and doesn't bump into anything as he has a mental image of the layout so doesn't need his sight. Of course if some asshole moves his coffee table a few inches, our poor blind friend will have a cracked shin the next time he goes to answer the door.

Ok fast forward 27 years to last night and I pulled a bit too hard on my knob (sighhhhh) and the cord broke about 6 inches from the bottom. Considering it's age, it probably just rotted away but for whatever reason, there I was with just over 2 feet of knobless cord dangling before my eyes. I looked up at the ceiling fixing and the idea of messing about with it to attach a new cord just blew my mind. That was advanced DIY and well out of my league. With electricity probably involved as well, it was totally off limits to me.

Ever one to put up with things, I felt ok just pulling on the string for a few more years. Yes, that would be fine. Sorted.

Then I looked at the knob and even my untrained DIY eyes spotted that the end of the cord just went through it and a knot at the end stopped it coming off. Ok stay with me here as it gets a bit complicated from now on. What if, just if mind you, I threaded the remaining cord through the knob again and made a new knot......see......see where I'm going with this ??

I almost had to sit down as I was practically hyperventilating. I threw DIY caution to the wind and just went ahead and did it and joy of all joys, it worked. I stood looking at my handiwork and finally knew what Michaelangelo must've felt like looking up at his Sistine Chapel etchings.

There is just one ever so tiny problemette. Remember the blind man ? Well ever since my DIY masterpiece, I've almost fallen into the bathroom every time I've gone to pull the light switch because after 27 years of KNOWING the exact position of the knob in time and space, my poor old brain hasn't worked out that it's now 6 inches higher ! I'm like Andy Murray completely missing a serve.

I'm sure I'll get used to it but until I do, as I'll be missing the slight resistance provided by pulling on the cord, I risk ending up on my knees in a pitch dark bathroom, face down in the toilet bowl.

And that's without even having had a drink !!

Oh and before you say it, I know I could always join the two ends of the cord together and Bob's your crossdressing Auntie it'd all be sorted. BUT that would involve another knot and I'm now out of the DIY business.

I'm quitting while I'm ahead.

7 comments:

Daphne said...

We used to have an identical DIY cord in our bathroom. It got shorter and shorter as it kept breaking over the years and having new knots made. In a year or so you'll be standing on a brick - - then a stepladder. Finally you'll be teetering precariously on the top of the stepladder. THEN it's time to buy a new cord. But you can keep your old knob, if you wish. (nb this comment could have been SO much smuttier).

rhymeswithplague said...

Here in the more advanced countries we have light switches on the wall next to the door.

And I am no one's crossdressing Auntie. I would be someone's crossdressing Uncle -- if I cross dressed -- which I don't. Must be another UWOTD.

jay said...

Bob would actually be my country pub-owning great great grandfather, but I'm not here to quibble about that.

I don't want you to think that I'm trying to push you into anything here (heaven forbid!) but usually, if I remember correctly, the white plastic dome shaped thingy at the top of the cord unscrews and you can just tie another one on, as it were.

And the thingy at the bottom is officially called an 'acorn' or alternatively, just a 'pull'. I thought you'd like to know that.

All this talk of knobs before breakfast .. I dunno! LOL!

Silverback said...

Wow that's a LOT of very technical DIY info there, Judy. Not sure I'd want to pull a pull, so to speak, so I like the acorn alternative.

And look, if I did fix it properly like you've suggested by risking life and limb fiddling with the dome, what would I have to blog about ? Except maybe hospital food.

As for a switch on the wall, Bob, well I've no idea why we've never thought of that. I think we Brits just enjoy pulling our acorns in the bathroom.

I know, I know. Smut.

I'll add some breeze blocks to my shopping list right now, Daffy. TY.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I have heard that there's a guy in Sheffield who has a little white van with "Yorkshire Pudding DIY Task Force" written on the side. For a mere £40 per hour + a small call out charge this guy will be able to renew your bathroom cord, ensuring that your knob is in its customary position. Shall I give him a buzz for you?

Anonymous said...

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Putz said...

putz here......>>>>><<<<<<<....preston is where my great great great great grandma was snatched from her mother's armas by her wicked ole step father and the boat sailed while sarha was left to her own wiles in mormonless preston, and now there is a temple there...i will be jigger...you know what that means eh???????you see i say eh, i know my english

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