The Leeds and Reading (Music) Festivals are on this weekend and I'm staying 'safe' indoors. The roads to the East of Leeds were in chaos on Thursday with 100,000 or so fans converging onto the muddy fields that always seem to go with music festivals in this country. I'm not sure when the festival ends tonight (Sunday) but it'll be more chaos when those same fans leave the area and a huge sigh of relief will go up from affected residents who can then reclaim their roads and streets.
During the traffic jams on Thursday, car occupants got out and played impromptu footy games using empty beer cans and when it was time for a restroom break, local gardens served as toilets.
All good dirty fun I'm sure. There have been no reports from the police of any serious trouble but there is still time.
And then there is the music. Nearly 100 bands on various stages and I've heard of about 4 of them, like Metallica. Just heard of them mind you. Not my sort of music, you see.
One of the bands playing today was called "Fucked Up." Lovely. A sort of New Seekers for this modern generation I'm sure. Swinging arms and close harmony accompanied by cans of coke no doubt.
Well yes lots of doubt actually. The coke might be there though not in cans.
The "Fucked Up" lead singer (if sing he does) is called Pink Eyes. Think we're back to the coke again ! Then again who did we have in my concert going days ? Well WE had "Bad Manners" and their frontman, Buster Bloodvessel so I'd better not go down that path. I remember he liked to show us his very long tongue and would shake it around like he was auctioning off a slice of rare porterhouse.
But for all his showmanship, Buster at least kept his snake in his pants. Yes I know I'm still keeping THAT smutty idea going in this post too but this time it's relevant.
Mr Eyes, on the other hand, had no such scruples and decided that the audience needed to see his party favours, so to speak, and the family jewels were on display to all who cared to lo0k at them. Well to be fair, the NME report suggests he tucked them between his legs before turning to the crowd so they ONLY had to put up with his fat arse while this delicate act was performed.
What a disappointment, I'm sure.
If you look at the photo of Pink Eyes, you'll see why I have mentioned Buster in the same post. They could be twins. Or triplets !
Speaking of Eyes, I just can't imagine ol' Blue Eyes doing anything like that in his heyday. Maybe he should have, I hear a few female fans say. Maybe so. It would've been quite a performance to get out of a tuxedo though and I'm not sure what his orchestra would've made of it all as they'd have seen much more than they signed up for.
I think he should've done it while belting out "My Way" but that's just me.
Anyway back to perky Pinky and his tasteful tunesters. Can you imagine if both bands merged.
"Bad Fucked Up Manners" with Pink Bloodvessel as the lead singer. Catchy.
I think I need to stop snorting the coke myself !!
I'm off to listen to Matt Munro. I've got my lighter at the ready.