No Tooth Fairy Needed - This Time

It was ironic that my previous post was called "I Never Floss" as that came back to haunt me this morning when I went to the dentist.

As I may have mentioned elsewhere, the dentist I had for about 20 years decided to go semi retired a couple of years ago and only kept on his older patients - those who were over 55 I think he said. In any case I wasn't one of them and so I got the 'new girl' complete with her modern ways and methods.

On every visit, she seems hell bent on passing me on to the hygienist as fast as possible and this too has taken me some time to get my teeth into.......sorry.........as my old dentist did the hygienist's job too. And very gentle he was with me too !!

So today when I went for my 6 month checkup, I was greeted by a beaming (teeth perfect) receptionist who informed me the hygienist would just be a couple of minutes.

"Hang on" I said, "Surely, I'm supposed to be seeing the dentist ?".

"How did you know I was called Shirley ?", she said.

"It's on your name badge" I said, and thus a good joke was spoiled forever.

Anyway I went into Meldrew Mode and eventually saw the dentist first - as it should be. I mean what would a slip of a hygienist know about cavities and other potential nightmares ? She, the dentist, set a new record for her and I was out of her office or surgery or whatever it's called, in about 5 minutes with no new holes found anywhere. And so to the hygienist who remembered me from previous visits and wasn't about to suggest mouthwashing, flossing or worse, ask me how I'd got on with those nasty pink or red handled things they want you to shove between your teeth to force out plaque, food bits and anything else that has decided to take up residence there.

I'm too long in the tooth (sorry again) for that new fangled malarky. A good old toothbrush was good enough for the Victorians and so is good enough for me. I've had the same one for 9 years and might splash out on a new one next year as I think I'm just scraping my teeth with bare plastic now as the bristles wore down to the head in 1998.

Only joking. I went electric in 2002 and fit new brush heads regularly. When I remember.

So in total silence, apart from the odd "arrrggggg" and "oh what the bloody hell are you doing in there woman ?" from me, Miss Giggleswick Dental Hygienist Of The Year (3rd runner up) hacked the tartar off my teeth and then actually gave me a full floss service. Bless. All was forgiven and I left with a movie style twinkle in the corner of my mouth and her best wishes for my forthcoming trip to America ringing in my ears.

I was free for another 6 months. I went to the nearest sweetie shop and bought a Mars Bar to celebrate. As that may upset my dentist and my hygienist, I'm thinking of going for the hat trick and upsetting my cardiologist by having it deep fried.

Hey, with these teeth, I can now bite through anything.