Sunday, June 20, 2010

ET Phone Home - Your Dinner's In The Oven.

I have to admit I'm a novice at this mobile phone malarky and although I did get one a few years ago, it was just because my US friends were over here and I didn't want to be stuck in the Highlands of Scotland with a flat tyre. S'all very well being in the AA but if you're 50 miles from the nearest croft, then that's not much use.

Of course, knowing little about such things, it never entered my head that signal strength deep in the Highlands of Scotland might be a few bars short of an open prison.

No bars in the Highlands ? Surely not !!

Anyway my mobile was as basic a phone as you could get....a Nokia 1100 on a PAYG plan.

Yes it's a beauty, isn't it ? With phone in hand, I could....ah.....ermm.......make a phone call. Oh and it had a light on the top so it could be used as a torch. Very useful at night when you needed to use it to find a proper phone.

But it was fine for me. I only wanted it for car emergencies or if I had need of a dog whisperer when out walking near the local RSPCA shelter. I put £5 on it when I bought it a few years ago and when I bought a new phone recently, there was still some credit to carry across !

Let's just say I didn't use it much.

Fast forward to the 21st century and a few weeks ago I went from one extreme to another and got a HTC Desire, which many reviews said was better than the iphone.

I blogged about it at the time but now that I've got to 'know it' a bit better, well to call it a phone, even a Smartphone, is doing it a huge disservice.

I may be lucky to have entered this market at a time when these things can do everything except cook me a full English, but the Desire's capability as a phone is its least impressive feature.

It has GPS so although there will probably still not be a signal if my car gets a flat tyre in the Highlands of Scotland. at least I'll know exactly where I am - just next to shit creek according to the detailed and colourful GPS map.

It has a voice activated search application so that I can find the nearest AA centre in the event that my arms have been tied behind my back by woad painted clansmen on a day trip from the city.

It can play mp3s and pick up radio and tv stations so I won't get bored waiting for that little yellow van to appear.

It has a photo scanner application so I can point the phone at any object and it'll give me all the info I need about it. So I can point it at the flat tyre, have the image scanned and it'll tell me.....that it's buggered.

It has a tracking application so anyone following my route live on their computers will see that my car hasn't moved for 10 hrs and they'll know I've broken down....or that my phone has been stolen by a Highland tortoise and it's rushing off to phone a friend.

It has a voice diary application so as the days go by without a sign of the AA van, I can record my dying thoughts and thus inform whoever finds my rotting corpse that I'll be due a refund from Orange for the rest of my calling plan.

It has a 'places directory' application so I can locate the nearest chippy doing a haggis and Scotch egg takeaway service so that I can have a snack while waiting for that bloody AA van.

And according to the user guide, which of course I have to access online, it also works as a phone. How awesome is that ? Hard to believe but by pressing a series of numbers, I can actually talk with someone who also has a phone. I mean I could just PHONE the AA but why do that when I have all those applications at my disposal ??

Oh yes, does it have a torch application ? Well I donno but if nothing else, I could walk along taking flash photos to light my way because, oh yes, it's a freakin' camera too !!

I know. Unbelievable, isn't it ?

I'm still learning stuff and I'm still pretty much a mobile phone novice so I'm going to look through the user manual once again as I'm sure if it can give me a live feed from my friends travelling down I-75 in Michigan, then it can rustle up a decent English for me.

On today of all days, it should 'do it for your daddy' !!!


Daphne said...

It's astonishing the progress that's been made in mobile phones since Anneka Rice used to run around carrying that one that was the size of the Isle of Wight.
I love my Blackberry but that's probably because it has old-fashioned looking buttons. I'd prefer a nice round dial, though. For me the best thing is being able to get my email all the time - - fantastic!

Debby said...

Your HTC may be the bomb, just don't forget DROID does!

We were traveling down 127 not I75,but, thanks to you, Glympse, EBuddy, and great signal strength, we knew which way to turn onto 69/96!

Ap on Dude!

rhymeswithplague said...

I'm still using two paper cups and a long string.

Cindy Steele said...

Ian, you and I have the same phobia.....mobilephoneitis! I just want to be able to make calls when traveling and be able to dial 911 in an emergency....nothing else! Made me laugh this morning...thanks!

rhymeswithplague said...

Technically, mobilephoneitis means inflammation of the mobile phone, just as tonsillitis means inflammation of the tonsils and appendicitis means inflammation of the appendix and arthritis means inflammation of a joint (from arthron, joint).

But maybe you do need a mobilephonectomy or -otomy or -ostomy or something. Maybe an enema.

jay said...

Good heavens above - you mean it can't cook breakfast??? I'd take it back.

"It can play mp3s and pick up radio and tv stations so I won't get bored waiting for that little yellow van to appear."

Hahahaha! Till your battery runs down, anyway. Of course, you can now get solar powered chargers for them, but they probably wouldn't be much use in the highlands, either. LOL!

SImon said...

I swapped from the same phone to the same phone, but I still keep my Nokia handy, it'll last a week without charging, no way can you say that for the HTC. Btw the HTC does have a torch function, (using the LED for the flash) and even puts a little picture of a Maglite on the screen. Nice!

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