Saturday, January 19, 2008

New Balls Please !

It seems appropriate that at a time when the first tennis Grand Slam Championship of the year is taking place in Australia, that a phrase well used during a tennis match should also be used on the other side of the a courtroom in Liverpool as it happens.

There is also another tie in here as things that take place in Australia are often referred to as happening "Down Under" and that brings me nicely to the story that unfolded in that courtroom in Liverpool.

Still with me ? Ok. The story goes as follows..............

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard.

She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

Monti admitted wounding and was jailed for two-and-a-half years.

It's not often that a news story moves me to tears, but this one did. And then some. I think the most superfluous statement came from 'the friend' though. I mean for one thing I think Mr. Jones would've noticed he was down to one testicle and also, how many others at the party needed to check to make sure they had a full complement ??

"Fred ?" "Nope, got mine, pal".

"Harry ?" "Sorry, not mine either".

"George" "Well lemme check now. Nope, all accounted for"

"Geoff ? GEOFF?" "Awww shit. I think it's mine"

There are a few other points to remember though. It was at a party. Alcohol was most likely involved and it took place in Liverpool. Well there ya go, then.

And what did the single testicled Mr. Jones have to say about it all ?

In his statement, Mr Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard".

He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it.

She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

Pulled hard ? I just can't imagine HOW hard ! I found myself in tears again. Ouch !!

Obviously in this part of Liverpool two things need to be uppermost when you think you'll meet up with an ex-girlfriend at a party.

1) Keep your hands on the family jewels at all times or you'll end up with a solitaire.

2) There's a lot to be said for male chastity belts.

Oh and if there is a buffet included, that prune that doesn't taste much like any prune you've ever had before, probably isn't.

1 comment:

Daphne said...

Poor Mandy! How could anyone reject a gorgeous, witty, sophisticated chick like her? No wonder she got a bit cross.
On the other hand, if I were Geoff - or indeed any other man owning at least one testicle - I'm pretty sure that I'd think that two and a half years in clink is not, perhaps, long enough for the lovely Amanda. She could be coming soon to a party near YOU, chaps!

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