Dark Days Indeed

I've often wanted to write about certain serious topics that come to mind from time to time but I've always given in to social pressure and despite this being MY blog and so I should be able to say what I like on it, I'm a bit of a coward in this respect. I don't exactly have hundreds of readers but would still hate to alienate anyone and as we all know, it's easy to give the wrong impression on the internet !

As well as being Fat Tuesday/Pancake Tuesday, it seems it's also International Women's Day. I only know this due to Twitter's trending feature as I glanced at it this morning and noticed IWD was up there, trending worldwide. Just below it was Jim Davidson, a UK comedian who was a regular on our tv screens in an age when joking about women and 'blacks' got a lot more laughs than it does today. He didn't help his sinking career by being a dickhead as well and he was perfect tabloid fodder a decade or so ago as his private life (ha !) was as 'colourful' as his stage act.

So why was he trending ? Well it seems he was being interviewed on BBC Radio 5Live and considering what (we think) we know about his personal life, attitudes and stage act, many tweeters couldn't believe the irony of him being featured with IWD. So many spoke their minds and were then retweeted that old "Nick Nick" found himself trending for the first time in his life.

And that brings me to my subject - racism. I admit I'm all over the place with this word as it seems to have more interpretations and implications than just about any other word we use today and for some reason, all are assumed to be wrong. Lets give it a spin........

Frenchmen smell of garlic.

Racist ? Well sure, as the statement pertains to a race, or at least a nation, for goodness sake.

Offensive ? Who decides ? As they do generally eat a lot of garlic, I'm sure a lot of French women find THEM offensive !

Black people can't swim very well.

Racist ? Again yes as I've specifically mentioned an entire race of people.

Offensive ? Hardly. It's a statement of fact.

You see racism isn't always wrong and I hate seeing articles where it is stated that it is. Maybe I'm just not interpreting the word correctly and I really mean to be saying that 'race' isn't wrong.....as in the above examples. Maybe the definition of racism has been changed to ONLY mean offence against races. And as it's hard to decide what offends, make it ALL offensive.

I donno anymore. It's a bit of a mine field and as with mine fields, I try and stay clear.

Jokes can be complex; I like play on words jokes, clever use of my language jokes and even ones I need to think about for a few seconds in order to 'get' the joke. Generally speaking, if it takes me more than a few seconds to understand, then it's never going to be funny to me ! And if you have to explain it to me, forget it. My embarrassment at having had to have it explained to me totally offsets any comedic effects. My rule.

From the days of 'an Englishman, an Irishman and a Jew walk into a pub' type jokes, we've been laughing at racist jokes for centuries. Of course how long something has been around for doesn't make it right or acceptable - take Chicken McNuggets for example !

My (unusual for me) problem is that I can't ever express my thoughts on racism succinctly and when I try and write about it, the mess in my head comes out as a mess in my writing. I laugh guiltily behind the settee at Catholic jokes. While back there I admit to laughing at jokes about race too, especially national stereotype ones. Even my own nationality. I mean if we can't laugh at ourselves, then we're in for a very stressful existence.

Some may say that's wrong. Garlic smelling, onion covered, beret wearing French readers may be peddling away now in droves. Bon voyage I say, although being British, I say it very badly and with one arm being twisted behind my back as it's using a foreign language.

The whole Politically Correct business is a joke in itself and I'm pretty sure that when people in power get on their high horses about something not being PC, they are just scared to say......"look it was all said/done tongue-in-cheek people, so have a non guilty laugh and move on". They'd probably say it better but that's what they'd mean. It seems these days the 'offender' has to grovel publicly and even sack himself or herself in order to stop the overcrowded bandwagon of double standards from flattening them completely.

The Richard Keys/Andy Gray fiasco being a case in point. Shakespeare had a very appropriate play title to sum up that particular non event.

I'm not really sure why I've written this post. Maybe I wanted to dip my toes into the murky waters of racial controversy - or maybe I just wanted to have an excuse to attach a YouTube video !

Being a Norn Iron child of the 50's and 60's, I grew up never having seen a "person of darker colouring" until I was 18, when I moved to Leicester to start at University. Having said that, we did have a black and white tv for longer than most so really, I shouldn't have been all that surprised when I did see one in real life !

An entertainment treat for us back in those simpler days was "The Black & White Minstrel Show" which is partly why my head is such a mess today when it comes to political correctness and racism. All I can say is that AT THE TIME, I loved the routines and how the songs went seamlessly from one to another without a pause. I may have known they were Negro songs from the American deep south but as a child and even a teenager, that was all I knew. They were white British singers trying to recreate American Negro singers and I never lost any sleep over them not just using Negro singers in the first place. For all I knew, they didn't exist.

Why did they paint their faces ? Come on, it was all part of the illusion they were trying to create. Racist ? Politically incorrect ? It seems so today for many people. But surely this could be seen as a positive case of racism (what now ???) as the great singing of these timeless songs, no matter if they were borne out of slavery and oppression, brought them, and the history behind them, to a much wider audience.

There are just so many double standards at work with racism and political correctness.

"Are You Being Served", "All In The Family", "Love Thy Neighbour" and even "On The Buses" would be on any list of non PC shows that we all enjoyed at one time. Or maybe not. I never did care for Reg Varney and his attitude to women did make me cringe even back then. And I never EVER understood how his sidekick bus driver could 'pull a bird' when he looked like a classic old letch who was well past his letch-by date anyway. Sorry Bob, but you did.

See, it's a mine field I tells ya.

Ok before this mess turns into a quagmire (oh God not Quagmire from Family Guy !!!), I'll stop the flow and show the vid.

Entertaining ? Offensive ? Entertainingly offensive ? Feel free to comment. All I know is that when we finally got a colour tv, the show lost something and that in itself is a mine field to explore.

But not right now. I'm off to therapy !

Heartfelt Thanks

18 years ago today I had my bypass surgery and so to celebrate still being around, I've just been for a 90 minute bike ride around the park, stopping at the Cafe On The Lake for a cheeseburger deluxe and a Sprite Zero......gotta keep it healthy y'know ! With the meat patty and slice of cheese counting as part of MY 5-a-day, I reckon with the tomato and lettuce forming the deluxe bit, I'm ahead of things for the day already.

Speaking of that surgery, I'm not sure what guarantee came with my internal plumbing upgrade back then but I'm sure given the age of most other 'customers', I'm well ahead of the average. Some wit at the hospital (probably the surgeon) told me it came with a lifetime guarantee and although you can't disagree with that wording, I did have a slight glitch a few years ago when things got blocked up again resulting in another heart attack but dammed if I could find that warranty. Isn't that always the way ?

Of course after 18 years, most pipework gets a bit corroded again and with my well dodgy diet and lack of any exercise other than an overuse of my tv remote, I know I'm not helping my cause. You'd think after two such warnings, I'd be on my best behaviour but I just can't bring myself to spend hours in the gym and live on lentils and spinach.

So I walk and cycle when the mood takes me and try to only have red meat three a day. It's a compromise and means I'll probably only live to be 105 instead of 110 but that's less years to be soiling myself and dribbling at both ends so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyway, by the I'll be even more senile than now so I'll not even know what planet I'm on.

Don't get me wrong - I do worry about the future. I mean Leeds finishing outside the top 6 does keep me awake at nights but what's a fan to do ! Just worry.

And so every year on this date, I again thank the skilful hands and online degree of Dr. Nair and his team at the BUPA Hospital, Leeds for basically saving my life back in 1993. (Just joking about the online degree before anyone sues me). I also raise my glass of Guinness in a toast to them and use it to wash down my triple bacon sannie and fries.

God bless you all and as they say at the end of the Annual Ozark Mountain People Festival, no more clogging !

Cheers !!

Buttonwood Bay - Life After Discovery

I had to watch the shuttle launch on telle yesterday as the skies to the north east of us here in normally sunny Buttonwood Bay had clouded over at just the wrong time. Actually I watched it on a HD feed on my laptop as not only was the quality better, it was about 4 seconds ahead of tv coverage.

A few moments after Discovery cleared the tower, I went outside for a look but the cloud cover was still in place and so I came back in to watch the rest of the coverage online. After all, tv had returned full screen to Judge Judy by then anyway !

Priorities eh ?

Earlier yesterday Stanley Steemer came and cleaned our carpets and a jolly good job they made of it. We'd piled all the relevant furniture into other rooms and for the rest of the day, we 'lived' in the lanai......our sunny Florida room.

And we're still in it ! Despite being told we could walk on the carpets as soon as the cleaning had finished, we don't want to risk damaging the wooden based items by moving them back into place until everywhere is bone dry. That might be much later tonight or tomorrow morning but with it being another mid 80's day here, I'm thinking....tonight.

Right now Dennis is watering the new concrete patio which has to be done a few times a day in the first week. I think he's trying to grow an airstrip !

All these things are new to me as I've never experienced a professional carpet cleaning service or seen concrete watering before. These sorts of things just seem to be done so much easier (and faster) here as I'm sure if I wanted a new patio to be laid back in Leeds, I'd have to wait several weeks and then have some pessimistic contractor suggesting that adding a patio onto a 16th floor apartment might challenge his abilities a bit !

No seriously, my house IS a house and when I left it, it was firmly on the ground.

Elsewhere the pace is unrelenting in sunny BB and apart from personal things going on in and around the house, the park and its residents are gearing up for the annual week long Springfest events which, this year, has been given the not totally unexpected title of ..... Springfest 2011. The logo bearing t-shirts, baseball caps and mugs have been printed (I think a Springfest 2011 pool towel would be a neat and practical addition to the range) and ticket sales for the various events are selling like hot cakes....or Key Lime pies to use the local vernacular.

As the week progresses, we'll be having a performance by the Golden Chords (in a retirement community park that should be an easy one to understand), a strawberry social, a home and hobby expo, bingo, card game lessons, car and golf cart show, a 'fat Tuesday' (Pancake Tuesday to Brits and maybe others) parade and picnic, a talent show, karaoke, archery demo (I'm staying well inside for THAT one !), ladies fashion show (seems a tad sexist), casino night, a computer 101 session (power it up....ok you're on your own now.....), the Grand Ol' Buttonwood Opry Show, a fishing tournament, craft and bake sale, boat show, a Saturday night dance and finally, a chili cook-off closely followed by a chili fest where it all gets eaten.

There will be spot prizes, door prizes, raffle prizes and basically lots of opportunities to win something or other. Even people who have never won anything in their (long) lives would be very unlucky not to win something during Springfest week. Hell even I won something last year......a round of golf at a local course...with cart. The ticket expires today and it's still in my bedroom ! Oops.

This year I've splurged $3 for 3 chances to win 5 golf lessons or a foursome at my favourite course, Panther. I donno how much 5 lessons would normally be but I know a foursome costs $100 which is a LOT cheaper than a threesome I once had in 1975 but that's a story for another time and anyway, I'm still not allowed to return to Thailand. What IS a toyboy anyway ?

So golf lessons would be a prize worth winning and for me, the best of the 6 on offer. I don't need another GPS, digital camera or cd player and I definitely don't need a pet gator with or without its leash. I can't remember the 6th prize. Maybe a week on a desert island with the Golden Chords !

So think positive thoughts for me as I really REALLY could do with those 5 golf lessons. Yes, yes I know, more like 25 golf lessons but I'll take what I can get. I do need to know the best way to swing my racket and I think my ball toss up is all wrong too.

Right I've rambled enough and it's also lunch time. Caddyshack leftovers are a-callin' me and who am I to argue when that means St. Louis ribs and a baked potato.

Gopher was off.

Sweeping Discovery Under The Carpet.

It's upheaval time chez nous as anytime now, Stanley Steemer should be coming to clean our carpets.

Despite the name, this isn't an old British music hall comedian but a nationwide US company and although I've seen their vans outside many houses in the park over the years, this will be my first 'up close' experience of them and their work.

Anyway their scheduled arrival this afternoon meant we had to clear as much furniture as possible out of the living room, dining room and hallway this morning and I'm happy to report that this has been achieved. Both bedrooms and kitchen now resemble furniture stockrooms and we have retired (again.....hehe) to live in the lanai until said carpets have dried off. Tomorrow morning most likely.

I must say it's no hardship to be spending time in the lanai as it IS a sun room after all and we have plenty of that. With all its windows open and the ceiling fan spinning faster than a ConDem spokesman (ohhhh get me !), it's very pleasant indeed out here.

Pixie, our long haired dachshund, is not so keen on change, and cannot understand the word, temporary. Actually her vocabulary is quite limited and she really only responds to 'byebyes,' 'out' and 'bed' and even then, only when she is in the mood. One of her daily pleasures is to lie in the sunbeams which flood the living room during the morning and so she was not well pleased with all the upheaval that went on today. She went around sniffing at the newly exposed carpet areas but couldn't settle until we had finally cleared the room.

Sadly for her, by then the mid-morning angle of the sun meant there wasn't much sunlight coming through the windows and only a small triangle of light was left next the front door. Not one to miss out on her daily routine, she waddled moodily (it's a technique she picked up from a PBS documentary on British Royalty and she uses it to let us know she is not amused) over towards the door and plunked herself down on the carpet despite only half her body covering the small, and rapidly diminishing, area of light.

It was hilarious and cute. I went to the far side of the living room to better show her 'isolation' and the spot of light had almost gone even in that short time.

Seconds after this photo was taken, both the light and Pixie had left the room. Not the building.....just the room. As I type this, she is in her lanai bed (Pampered ? Not a bit of it) as out here she'll get a bit of afternoon sunshine while watching Oprah.

Speaking of tv, in just over 3 hrs time, at 4:50pm EST, space shuttle Discovery will lift-off on its final mission to the ISS. I'll be making the short walk to the park entrance to see her rise spectacularly into the clear blue Florida sky (which right now is a bit cloudy so I may not see anything at all !) but as if to reflect the worldwide apathy about such events, the local FOX tv station last night announced it would be covering the launch.......via a split screen with the Judge Judy Show !! I think I'd prefer it if they just didn't bother at all. Sometimes apathy is better than insulting.

I know there are important events going on elsewhere right now, from natural disasters to even more natural revolutions but as they're never covered at 4:50pm on tv here anyway, why not give full screen coverage to this launch ? I'm sure if she was asked, Judge Judy wouldn't mind.

Maybe there will be a bit more interest when the last ever shuttle launch takes place in late June.

It's due to be at 3:48pm EST and Judge Judy isn't on.

But Judge Joe Brown is.

Just A (HD) Walk In The Park

I started blogging almost 5 years ago and today I'm going to send you to sleep by attaching my most boring video ever to this, my 690th post.

I know, I've posted some pretty dull ones before but seriously, this one is Dullsville with a capital D.

So why post it ? Well it's all I've got right now and I need some test footage !

When packing for this trip early last November, weight was as big an issue as contents because Virgin Atlantic had gone the way of most airlines by only allowing me one free case as checked luggage. YOU try getting 6 months of 'stuff' into one 50lb case !

So a few standard items had to be left out and my video camera and all its accessories (power pack, cables, tripod etc) became a casualty. I decided that I take very little video these days and both my little compact still camera and my smartphone take decent enough video for most occasions.

But I forgot about the annual Buttonwood Bay plays and how I video the ones my friends are in and provide dvd copies for those who want them.

Play week is almost here and again I was asked if I would 'do my thing' so what could I do ? The smartphone has no tripod fitting so although it records in both widescreen and HD, I'd have to stand for 20 minutes trying to hold it steady. My compact still camera records video in low definition and not in widescreen and so watching the copied footage on tv would be a huge disappointment.

Then I remembered that Debby had won a Kodak Zi6 at last year's Chilli Fest in the park and despite its audio limitations, I want to use it to record the play on Sunday evening.

So yesterday I went out and about 'playing' with the camera so I'd be familiar with its controls come the big day.

On/off switch. Yep.

Record button. Yep.

Stop button. Yep.

And that was me pretty much familiarised with its controls ! It really is just a point and shoot camera but therein lies its main strength. If someone falls out of a nearby tree, I'll get it. If a gator grabs a passing resident, I'll get it too. No fiddling with knobs and levers and lens caps......I'll be the Spielberg of the point and shoot generation.

My friends here, Clair & MK, had given me a tripod as a pressie when I arrived last year and so with the Zi6 attached, I went out filming. And here is my first attempt. You have been warned !

I know. It looks like a dull advert for a Retirement Community ! Well think of it more as a dull advert for Centre Parcs then. No help ? Well it WAS just a test and the quality seems pretty decent.

Walking around with the lightweight camera on the end of the tripod, I had a sudden moment of inspiration and one I could've made use of many times during my solo travelling days when I would've loved to have got myself in my home movies but it wasn't always possible.

With a slight tilt of the Zi6 on the fully extended tripod, I was able to walk along and film myself as though I had a cameraman in front of me ! Oddly enough the camera doesn't have a particularly wide field of view so this 'trick' is a bit hit and miss and the footage doesn't always reflect the view I thought I was getting ! More experimentation is needed I think and despite looking like an idiot (I'm sure I'll be known around the park as the guy who goes around talking to a walking stick), I'm up for the job.

So there it is....my 690th blog post containing one very dull video and one very disturbing video.

In case you believe things can only get better, remember I am now armed with a lightweight HD camcorder and I know how to use it !

A Bird On The Roof Is Worth....No Lie In !!

I've been accused of bare faced cheek for that last blog post (thank you Daphne....very droll) and I hold my hands up. I should now have 24 hrs of stubble to show the world but like I said, I'm a bit slow in the hair growing stakes and as a result, my cheeks are still pretty much baby butt-like.

A very strange baby but nonetheless..........

Late last evening I decided to take a phone photo and it was only when I looked at the first result that I noticed a fair amount of blood on my polo shirt collar. When I'd jokingly mentioned on yesterday's blog that I'd cut myself a few times, I really thought I HAD been joking. I mean I'd had a shower afterwards and dried myself off with a white towel and there was, and still is, no blood on it. So just where this blood came from is a bit of a mystery. Maybe I have a self sealing carotid artery !

Ok so I know WHO it came from of course as I'm not in the habit of loaning my polo shirts out to passing haemophiliacs. I also know WHERE it came from as my polo shirt collars tend to exist close to my neck when being worn. What I'm not sure about is HOW it got there. There are no 'nicks' on my neck and all my little growths are still there.

And what's that all about anyway ? As I get older, I get more and more little skin bits trying to escape from my body. I need all my skin so I don't appreciate these deserting bits. Maybe I chopped one of them off yesterday, I bled, the shower washed it all away and voila, no evidence.

No that won't work. The polo shirt went on after the shower. Still a mystery.

Speaking of mysteries, one WAS solved yesterday. On the rare occasions when I've been awake around 7:30am, I've heard a woodpecker doing his thing nearby. As the extent of my woodpecker knowledge is based on Woody, the cartoon character, I wasn't entirely sure what one sounded like when it was head banging in real life but I was pretty sure it didn't sound like what I was hearing.

Being up and about at 7:30am yesterday for a UK footy match, I suddenly heard the woodpecker and slowly opened the front door. He wasn't hard to spot as the noise was quite loud and was coming from the roof of the house next door.

Yes the roof !

Woody was hammering away like a demented Black Sabbath fan on the metal roof and with his wings providing balance, was giving it plenty. After a few minutes of this (and this WAS the noise I'd been hearing when in bed), he flew a few feet to a nearby palm tree trunk and finding the right spot, began hammering again with his little red mohican a blur of motion.

Wanting to know why a woodpecker would peck on metal, I went to the source of all knowledge. The internet !

It seems that woodpeckers mate in early spring and so my pecker (behave !!) has been simply trying to attract a female. Given the noise he was creating in the still morning air, it was a very effective mating policy and much better than a singles night. This was more like speed dating ! Standing outside, I even heard a similar noise coming from a distant part of the park. Result ?

Selfishly I hope he finds a mate soon as I'm not keen on being woken at 7:30am but at least that mystery was solved.

Now back to the other one.........

The (New) Man In The Mirror.

It's been another historic day here in sunny Buttonwood Bay as after several decades of being a beardy, I am now a smooth criminal.....opps I mean a smooth faced daily shaver again.

Yes gentle readers, the beard and 'tache have GONE !

I can't remember when I first had a 'full set' but I'm sure it was not long after I was physically able to do so. That would mean when I was in my late 30's !!

Slow developer, me.

I can remember lads at boarding school growing some sort of facial hair long before I was even growing it in other places. By the time we all left school at 18, they had full Brian Blesseds and I had just played Yum-Yum again in our Christmas rendition of The Mikado ! Nuff said.

Last weekend I put on a bet with myself that if The Packers lost the Superb Owl, I would shave off my beard. I wasn't fully committed to either result and so I told no one about my bet. I think that's called a safe bet in gambling circles although maybe it's just in coward circles. Whatever.

So with The Packers winning, my beard was saved from destruction but already a seed had been sown. A clean faced Silverback ? Would the world be ready for such a sight ? Hell, would I be ready for such a sight ?

I thought it over during the week and decided...yes...off with the beard. I mean if I scare young children and animals (more than usual), I can always grow it back in about 5 months !

And so today was THE day. I lined up the unfamiliar items next to the wash basin; shaving foam, razor, lots of tissues, bandages, hot towels, smelling salts, medical insurance policy. First up though, I trimmed my hair, what there was to trim. I used a No.2 guide which to the uninitiated, meant I ended up more Bruce Willis than Fabio. Sorted.

Then with razor in shaking hand, I looked at my bearded face in the mirror for the last time and started shaving.....

Now one of the reasons for me growing a beard in the first place was that I had always been a pimply yute and shaving usually left me looking like a Freddie Krueger body double. So, as I started revealing the skin beneath the beard, I wasn't really sure what I, and the razor blade, would find.

I was more than pleasantly surprised to find.....clear skin. Soft clear pimple free skin. Skin like the butt cheeks of a baby with such very smooth butt cheeks that it just came first in a world's smoothest butt cheeks competition. Hurrah !!

Mind you, I still managed to nick myself once......or twice.....ok a few times but not many. It's not easy this shaving lark. I'm not sure I fancy bothering with it on a daily basis but we'll see. Maybe I'll cultivate a Nick Tilsley stubble look (sorry non Corrie watchers but did you like the nick/Nick link there ?) which in my case, would mean only having to shave once a month !

With hair trimmed and beard gone, the sink looked like Bigfoot had just been given a wax job. It was time for a shower and what a strange experience THAT was. As I soaped my head and face, it felt like I was cleaning a bowling bowl. Yes, yes so I have very flared nostrils.....leave me alone.

After drying off, I was finally able to use my after shave for something other than just making my body smell half decent. But as Macaulay Culkin could've told me, this was a big mistake as my newly exposed skin was as sensitive as that of a 10 yr old - although I've never been too sure why he screamed like a little girl when all he'd done was have a shower !

I mean I'd shaved and everything and I only screamed a little bit. He was a wimp !

Speaking of mistakes, I'm still not sure if I've made a dreadful one by shaving and no, there will be ZERO photographic evidence of this until I have come to terms with my new look myself. There may be some PTSD (Post Traumatic Shaving Disorder) to deal with and I may need the support of friends and even a bit of therapy.

Right now I can't stop rubbing my chin like some thoughtful politician who has been asked to explain broken manifesto promises. I have no beard to twiddle with. No moustache to curl at the edges. If I start to get teenage acne again, I'm defenceless.

I'M NAKED. Well facially anyway.

I'll let you know if it lasts.

Gimme A Break !

Well that's it....another Superbowl or Super Bowl or even Superb Owl is over and what fun I had watching it last evening.

Yes there were downsides; Christina Aguilera for one and the Black Eyed Peas for another four.

Question : why can't the National Anthem singers be TOLD to sing it 'properly' and not treat the occasion as a Pop Idol audition and end up singing it like a BoyzIIMen/Mariah Carey mix ? Apart from anything else, singing it like she did yesterday drags the anthem out so that it rivals the Greek anthem...and it has 158 verses !

I hope there is no truth in the rumour that Eminem will be rapping a version of the anthem in 2012 !

I also hope CA didn't think the huge cheer in the middle was for her ! That was when the live tv footage switched to some troops watching in Afghanistan or somewhere and the stadium crowd saw them on the jumbotron screens. Sorry to burst your bubble, Christina.

I'm also not a BEP's fan but then the half time show is almost more of a visual spectacle than a musical event and without Janet agreeing to flash her bit again (well it rhymes), I found the one female BEP singer easy on the eye at least. Still, I did appreciate the time and effort that went into their set and leave it at that.

Oh yes, the game. Well I'd been invited round to watch it at the home of 2 lifelong Packers fans and so I had a wonderful time. Not quite as loud and boisterous as if I'd been watching Leeds United winning the FA Cup but then soccer is a much different game and its fans are a very different breed ! Nuff said.


I do like NFL games and know most of the rules but as with explaining cricket fielding positions to an American, I struggle to understand a few NFL ones. I'm sorry, but when a load of hefty men basically bend over and face each other from inches apart and the commentator mentions "tight ends", then I'm not sure if the channel was somehow switched while I was off getting more tasty snacks !

And what is it with all those people at pitch side ? There would be enough with all the players and coaching staff and officials but do they need to have so many media people, injured team members, friends of friends of injured team members, kids holding water bottles and oxygen masks for players coming off after 5 seconds of action and so on ? Yet again a cameraman was sent flying by a ball carrying player who was pushed off the pitch by an opposition player. Everyone concentrated on the condition of the player who, with his personal armour and crash helmet was perfectly ok. We never found out what happened to the t-shirt and shorts wearing cameraman who is presumably waking up in a Dallas hospital today wondering what the hell hit him.

I, and a few million others, can tell you buddy. It was a huge tight end ! And try explaining that to your friends at the bar !

The game itself was great, as was the result. To save our nerves, it didn't quite come down to the wire as we knew the result with a full 47 seconds or so to go. That's always a good feeling and so the celebrations began before the game clock hit zero. Lots of cheering, some smooching and a bit of hugging. Often all at the same time !

But the reason for this post and the reason behind the title are the famous Superbowl commercials. A couple of years ago when the US motor industry was on its knees, there were few tv adverts for trucks and cars. Now that the companies are overflowing with tax payers money and their own staggering profits, they were back in force with commercials during the game. Given the cost of almost $3m for a 30 second slot, a lot of companies still stayed away. With many more avenues available now for getting their products 'out there', they saw little potential return on such a financial outlay.

So we were left with a few heavyweights like Coca Cola, Bridgestone, Budweiser.....and Doritos ? There were also a LOT of commercials for upcoming blockbuster movies.

Oh and lots of car commercials. It may be another sign of the times but I saw no ads for trucks - no dramatic deep manly talk over voices telling us about the torque and pulling capacity of Ford or Chevy or GMC trucks. No, instead we got ads about cars, European type ads about cars. Clever, seductive, sometimes amusing with few facts about them. Just letting the images sink in with us.

My favourite ? Well few stood out for me really. I liked the one with the Darth Vader kid but lasting a full minute, it went on a bit too long for me and at $100,000 a SECOND, a fortune could've been saved with tighter editing. I find it kinda ironic that the kid in the costume has admitted he's never seen a Star Wars movie ! Well at 6 yrs old, why would he ?

Then there was the one with Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne and that was memorable for getting Ozzy to turn up and remember his lines for a start. It was decent.

I hated every Etrade baby commercial as they're flogging a dead horse with the idea now. Hmmmm actually flogging a dead horse might be a better idea. Nooooo. Anyway, if anything, the special effects are getting worse and the baby's eyes were as fixed and dilated as mine were watching him. Very poor.

I liked the Bridgestone Beaver although again, enough already with humanising animals.

But I guess if pushed, I'd have to say that the advert that has stayed with me the most since I saw it (and isn't that the purpose of an advert after all) featured.....wait for it and I can't believe I'm typing this......Eminem. And for a change, I can even remember the product.

It was Detroit. Come visit Detroit. Leave your gun at home and visit Detroit. It's dirty and grimy and industrialised and dangerous but, it's Detroit. Come visit and stay awhile.

And during your visit, buy a Chrysler. Cause it's made in Detroit. And Detroit is in America.

Yes and before you tell me I missed the point, I know it WAS an ad for Chrysler !!

What got me hooked on the advert wasn't seeing Eminem driving a Chrysler through the streets of Detroit. It was the music. Donno if he had anything to do with the music but it was great. I loved it. Slow building. Dramatic. But not in a Christine Aguilera National Anthem way.

It was.....good.

In case you didn't see any or all of the adverts, here is a good place to look at them. There are many there that weren't shown in 'my' tv region so I've not seen those yet.

UPDATE : Initially I put numbers here for the ads I've mentioned in this blog but every time I return to that YouTube link, they have moved the order. Maybe it reflects their popularity but sorry, this means you'll have to find them yourselves !!

Enjoy.

UPDATE 2 : That link might only work within the US which is very unusual for YouTube. Leave a comment if it doesn't work in your country please. (Not that I'll do anything about it, you understand. I'd just like to know !)

Phone Test

This will be the shortest post on record from me as I'm just testing blogger as a phone app. Might as well take and upload a photo while I'm testing as that is how I'd expect to use the app when ' on the road '

Half A Trip, Half A Trip, Half A Trip Onward.........

Today is 3rd February. A date of minor importance to me as it marks the half way point in my time here this 'season' in sunny Buttonwood Bay.

As usual the first half has flown by but as my 6 month slot creeps a bit later each year (as I have to be resident in the UK for longer than my time spent in the US to keep both immigration depts happy), it's quite nice to be in February with half the trip still to go.

Still, I may have to pull things back a bit and the only way to do that will be to book a slightly shorter trip next time or I'll end up still being in UK in December and that's wayyyyyyy too late for this snowbird.

Time to review. Well this has been my first experience in the new house here and if only the old one would sell, I'd be a much happier bunny. The 5th wheel and truck have both been sold and a less-than-week-old Chevy Equinox sits sparkling on the driveway. With gas being 30 cents a gallon cheaper than diesel, the fuel savings alone will be significant. Btw, although prices have rocketed here, gas is 50p a litre and to fill the Equinox will cost about £35 and in the UK, nearly £90 ! How I wish I had my little 50mpg Clio over here.

Weatherwise, the temperatures are moving inexorably from warm to hot and despite a few periods of below average temps in January, we've been much 'better' off than most of the rest of the US and, of course, the UK. Right now it's passed 70F here and the next warmest place in the US is Southern California where it's 50F. On a colour coded temperature map, Florida really does stick out like an inflamed appendix.

In the park the circle of life, and death, continues. A few posts ago I mentioned seeing an ambulance outside one of the houses and hoping that the gurney having its end in the upright position was a good sign. We went past it yesterday and there was a U-haul trailer outside which suggests the resident ain't coming back ! Houses get bought and sold almost daily in the park (just not ours !) and new old faces replace old old faces. Some residents move back up to their northern homes to be with family as their health deteriorates; some go into assisted living either in Florida or again, back up north; sadly some simply go up.

C'est la vie

Anyway it's midday on my mid day, if you follow, so time for a spot of lunch as all that looking back has given me an appetite.

Part II starts from here........

Taking Things For Granted

While a lot of the US is under snow these days, my life here in sunny Sebring continues on its merry way and I need to constantly remind myself not to take it for granted.

Yesterday Clair, Jerry, Carl and myself went golfing on my very favourite local course, the Panther at the Spring Lake Golf Resort just a few miles east of here. It's a bit of a monster course but despite its length (which includes a par 6, 800yd 6th hole), it's not too difficult to get around as like with the rest of Florida, there are no hills. Barely an incline. Flat as a proverbial pancake in fact.

It certainly helped having a cart thrown in (a necessity and not a luxury) as speaking personally, my old bones much prefer being driven to my ball, especially when I've hit it just a wee bit offline !

In fact it was on one of those rare occasions when I was on foot that I came to realise that I was taking certain aspects of life here for granted. Clair had driven his ball to the edge of one of the many water hazards on the course and we both got off the cart and went scouting along the water's edge in case the ball was visible. With eyes fixed on the area only a few feet from where I was walking, I totally forgot one of the vital "rules" for golfers here in Florida - when close to water, always look far ahead for wildlife.

There was sudden movement on the ground about 15 feet from us as a 4ft gator who had been happily basking in the warm afternoon sunshine felt threatened by our presence and made a dramatic and very scary dash for the water. It was a bit of a shock to the system, my system that is, and as a result, we decided that Clair's ball could remain wherever it was and he'd drop another.

I lost a couple myself but that had nothing to do with golf !

The Panther course is beautiful. Wildlife abounds, mostly of the flying type thankfully, and while carting from one shot to another, it's great to be able to look at cranes feeding in the light rough, anhingas drying their wings by the water's edge and all sorts of birds soaring effortlessly above us on the thermals. You DO have to look out for snakes and gators though and the knowledge that they are more scared of you than you are of them is a fact I've never fully taken on board. Some of that could be due to living in Leeds where gators are not common and despite a bad experience with Irish hedge trimmers, snakes are pretty much only seen in zoos.

The weather reports coming out of England and even the rest of the US these last couple of months have also made me realise that I'm fortunate to be here in Florida and shouldn't take that for granted either. But when friends tell me I'm lucky, it gets to me a bit. My life here is a result of career and financial planning, some of which was admittedly fortunate but most was down to....well, planning. I've missed out on what a lot of people would say are vital ingredients for happy life (marriage, kids, close family ties etc) but as I've not had them, I can't really say if I've missed out.

Therefore what I need to remember, is not to take what I do have for granted. I'm not going to itemise them of course but the ability to spend winters here and be with good friends are certainly on the list.

Seems appropriate then that it took yesterday's basking gator to remind me about that. It stopped me in my tracks and made me think......

And that's gotta be worth a lost ball....or two !

Groceries & Glocks - I'll Need A Bigger Cart

Ok so lets make up our shopping list for Walmart.

Cereal, check.

Eggs, check.

Bread, check.

Checked tablecloth, check.

Deli Meat, check.

Apples, check.

Armalite, check.

Onions, check.

Milk, chec........whoa !!! Back up a bit, buddy.

Armalite ? Surely Marmite or even Vegemite ? No ?

When we go to Walmart, which is usually once a week, I nearly always take my camera because as regulars will know, I just love taking photos of 'the people of Walmart' and in my local Sebring store, they rarely fail to turn up to entertain and amaze me.

I also rarely venture far from the grocery section or the electrical centre as little else really holds my interest - I like the electrical centre as it has 'things with plugs on the end of them' and I like the grocery section as this is where 'the people' lurk. I'm not sure how much of this is down to them never straying far from the food aisles or the fact that with them on board, the electric carts they use don't have the battery range to get them any further into the store !

But the other day I had more time to spare and so I ventured beyond the enticing boundaries of the electrical centre and found myself in bizarreworld. Well bizarre for a non American that is. Not that many aisles along from the toys section was a counter selling firearms of all shapes and sizes. Now as a seasoned American visitor (legal I might add), this store area was not unknown to me but it still made my camera finger twitch and when I spotted the firearms version of an Argos Catalogue, the finger couldn't stand it any longer.

I'm not sure what impressed me more...the catalogue title or the fact that it was in its 102nd incarnation. I was expecting a foreword by Wyatt Earp or Annie Oakley (better not be sexist here, eh love ?) or even Charlton 'NRA' Heston but of course his guns had finally been taken from him when the rest of his body went the way of his cold, dead hands.

Anyway the Revolutionary musket wouldn't fit into the coffin.

As this non St. James version of The Bible was sitting on a stand (I know what I mean !), I opened it up at random and sneaked another photo while the Walmart employee was attending to a nice teenage couple who were browsing for a sawn off shotgun. Both looked sort of nervous but this was probably due to the close proximity of the slightly bulbous girl's father who was doing most of the talking and given the colour of his face and the definition of the veins in his neck, either drank a lot or had a slight issue with his blood pressure, or both.

I think Sainsburys should sell guns. I can see the LS17 moms in their top of the range SUVs packing heat on the school run. And think of the Nectar Points !!

It all brought back happy memories of my very first visit to these shores in 1989 when I went into my very first gun store in South West Florida. The owner was kind enough to let me handle many of the guns and even produced a case containing his personal .44 Magnum which I can tell you was neither a tasty chocolate coated ice cream or a large bottle of bubbly. Oh no this was a Clint Eastwood special and handling the owner's impressive weapon was something I'll never forget.

Judging by his demeanour, I don't believe he felt the same way. He's never written !

But enough John Inman smut and back to Walmart. I looked through the catalogue but found nothing I wanted - which wasn't surprising considering it's not my idea of fun to shoot at anything that has a heartbeat. Mind you, I can think of a few people I'd exclude from that general category and it would be quite easy to get them all at once as they are the ones who have been piling onto the 'sexist' Sky Sports bandwagon over the last week.

Oh don't get me started..........

Right, before my blood pressure joins that of the father of the bride, I'll get off.

Happy trails.

Terminator 4 - The Rise Of The Geeks

Not sure where that title came from but inside my head is a strange place at times and usually it's best not to ask ! I've also only had one cup of coffee so far this morning so as the intro on some 60's tv show used to say.......anything can happen in the next half hour.

Anyway, as friends will tell you, I am a bit of a geek, although the word has many definitions these days. My whole career involved working with computers and despite being retired for almost 10 years (wow !!), I'm still rarely away from one. I love technology and can still just about keep up with current advances even though they are coming thick and fast.

In a post last year I mentioned how, in the early hours of the morning, I'd been able to lie in bed here in Florida and watch live tv images on my phone being sent from a web camera which had been lowered down a mine shaft in Chile showing the trapped men finally being rescued.

In bed. Television. From Chile. From inside a mine. ON MY PHONE !!

Sorry....didn't mean to shout but it was very impressive.

I mean if this technology had been around in 1969, I could've watched the moon landing from my bed.

Anyway the reason for this bloggette is that last night Deb/Den had just gone to bed early (by my night owl standards) when I read a tweet from Stephen Fry which included a link to a cute photo. Knowing Deb would like to see the photo, I sent it on to her via email, thinking she would "pick it up" this morning. About a minute later I got her "awwwwww" reply as she had picked up the email on her phone and sent me an email back.

As she was only 50ft from me in her bedroom, this was not exactly as impressive a demonstration of the power of modern technology as the one I mentioned earlier but as she has no intention of ever (voluntarily) going down a mineshaft, Chilean or otherwise, it'll have to do for now.

We are a growing bunch, us geeks. Just a few minutes ago my friend, Daphne, sent me a phone photo of a dessert her hubby was having at that very moment in a pub in Leeds. As I sit here relaxing in my recliner, I can get news articles and video clips from anywhere on my laptop or phone. People all over the globe are sending each other emails and texts, photos and live video clips. Geeks rule.

A nice sunset in Singapore ? We can watch it.

A holiday photo from the banks of the Nile ? We can see it.

Jackass wannabees going over a cliff on a shopping cart ? We can look on in disgust.

What a small world we now live in !

I wonder if they said that when those seafaring explorers came back from discovering countries they never actually set out to find ?

"So, Capt Cook, just back again. Where from this time, eh ?"

"Donno really, mate. Some place with bouncing animals and bent sticks that you can't throw away."

"Travel far did you ?"

"Donno really but it took us 2 years."

"Only 2 years - what a small world we live in."

"Yeah...wanna see some photos ??"

And on that note, I think it's time for my 2nd coffee !! I really shouldn't be allowed to blog this early.

Be Werry Werry Quiet !!

A few minutes ago I came home from a short golf cart trip (if you're new to this blog that might sound bizarre so feel free to go back and catch up...might take you a while !) and approaching the driveway, saw a bunny wabbit hopping down along the side of the house. As I got off the cart, it sat still, looking at me with one huge eye.

Well it was side on to me so what did you expect ?! It reminded me of one of those chocolate bunnies.

I went and got my camera on the off chance that it wouldn't have anywhere better to go to and would therefore still be there when I returned. It wasn't.

I looked down the side of the house and there was the wabbit sitting in the back yard peering at a fallen lemon. I did my best Elmer Fudd impression and crept towards it, trying to look as if taking a photograph was the last thing on my mind. I tried not to make eye contact so it wouldn't see me !

Remember how we'd try that as kids and could never work out how mum or dad would see us when we couldn't see them ?! Grown-ups ! They had special powers !!

Anyway I got quite close and started snapping. With my backup photos taken just in case, I crept closer, one foot at a time.

There's another stupid statement. One foot at a time ! How else do we creep ? If I'd done two feet at a time I'd have been hopping !

Big ears didn't move an inch. He was happy to sit in a ray of sunshine and watch me watching him. Emboldened, I crept closer still. I took another photo. The shutter noise spooked him and he hopped a short distance away.

Don't you hate the stupid artificial shutter noises on shows like CSI, Bones, NCIS and the like ? Sounds like a gattling gun going off. I understand they're usually photographing dead bodies so don't need to be quiet but come on....that's just annoying special effects.

By now we were only a few yards apart (or metres if you're Johnny Foreigner) and after taking a few more photos of him posing in the setting sun, I got bored before he did and I came back inside.

Ok I realise this hasn't been the most exciting of posts and I could lie and say a gator suddenly appeared from nowhere and carried off the wabbit....but it didn't. So I won't.

Mind you there ARE gators here and there ARE wabbits here so...........

I've got National Geographic on speed dial !

Avoiding The Grim Reaper

I was on my park walk this morning and I saw an ambulance with its lights a flashin' parked outside a house on Tarpon Drive (for those who like such details).

As I passed, I was happy to notice that the paramedic was putting the end of the gurney into a semi upright position so at least I felt that the park resident wasn't leaving feet first, so to speak. Continuing on my walk, I got to thinking.

I've not been around the grim reaper's handiwork much in my life and can count the number of funerals I've attended on the fingers of one hand. Obviously friends and even some relatives have died and I've just not been to their funerals for one reason or another but even adding those in, I've not really had many deaths to deal with. Until I came to this park that is.

This is a 55+ community and I'd reckon that most residents are 75+ leaving (relatively) young 'uns like myself to bring down the average. As such, an ambulance entering this park is not an usual sight and in any case, it usually means there is still hope for its intended passenger. Whether that passenger ever makes the return trip is another matter, of course.

But it helps to focus the mind and makes me, at least, realise what's important in life. And that is to make sure that flaming ambulance and it's much darker coloured cousin, never stop outside MY house !! I wonder if smearing some lamb's blood on the door would help too ? Hmmm.

There have been a few deaths here already since I got here (yes, yes, just a coincidence I'm sure) and a few weeks ago a lovely little old lady passed away and it quite upset me. She reminded me of my mother as she was always smiling, loved giving hugs and was small and 'boney' to use a technical term ! When we met up again last November, the day after I got here, she greeted me with a room brightening smile and a hug that I thought would never end.

She played bocce which is where I first met her several years ago. I've no idea what else she did but she was very active and sprightly and typical of most residents here. So her death was a shock to me and as her house is on my walking route, it was with some sadness that I'd pass it regularly and see her car all covered over and her name sign swinging gently in the breeze in her garden.

I'd heard that family members had visited last week to presumably make arrangements for her house to be sold and her car to be passed along to some grandchild or other. So it was with a heavy heart that coming just a few minutes after passing that ambulance, I came to her house and noticed that both the car and the sign were gone.

We don't leave much behind but memories, do we ?

...And The Award Goes To.........

I'll admit it. I watched most of The Golden Globes last night as the show tends to be a bit less formal than The Oscars and I can just about stand a small dose of 'luvvies' every now and then. I was also hoping it MIGHT be a bit different and the winners would just say thanks and get off stage.

But therein lies the problem with these people. Luvvies + a stage = performance time.

I don't buy celeb magazines or watch showbiz tv shows like ET. I want my tv and movie stars to entertain me for the duration of the tv show or movie and that's it. I don't need to know what they do off screen and who with and what they're wearing, or not wearing, when doing those things.

From the era of the first flickering images of a silent black & white movie to the super high def digital 3D spectaculars we have today, those of us who don't act have seemingly been obsessed with those who do. Not can, but do. A whole industry exists to fuel their egos and satisfy our desire to know what they are up to 24/7. How can that help to make them well rounded individuals ? When millions read what you say and do, what chance do you have to be normal ?

They will claim that the downside means they can't 'move among us' and lead normal lives but they can't have it both ways. They can't court publicity and then complain about it when it doesn't suit them. Or can they ? What's to stop them publicising themselves and their show/movie but then going private the rest of the time ?

The answer, it seems, is us. We don't want them to be private. We want to know what they do, what they're thinking about, what they shop for, what clothes they wear, how many babies they'll adopt this week and so on. We are to blame for thinking they are special, different from us, famous.

I regard myself as a 'normal' fan of these people. If I knew that Tom Hanks or Meg Ryan (when she was cute and not nutty) or that funny one from The Big Bang Theory was passing the end of my street, sure I'd be out there wanting to see him or her. I'd probably want to be photographed with them and even make a bit of physical contact - we're just talking Meg Ryan here before the rumours start up again. But I don't KNOW these people. I just like how they entertain me on the big and small screen. Remember they're reading lines others have written and even their movements are being directed by...the director. Out of character they could be awful people or idiots, or both. I mean I wouldn't buy a product just because any of them use it ! Come on, get real.

Get real ? That's the thing. They're NOT real, not really. They're actors. What they say and do for 22 or 122 minutes is what we like about them. After that, why do we care about them ?

And so back to The Golden Globes. It's an award show. Individuals getting awards for doing a good job during a specific show or movie. THEY get the award for what THEY did. So why do THEY all thank everyone else ? Fear ? Fear that if they don't mention everyone from their parents to the key grip technicians that they'll be blacklisted as self centred and never work again ?

During the show I felt like the room was inside a huge bubble inside which these people live their lives. They all have individual bubbles of course for daily living, but when they all get together like this, those little bubbles temporarily burst and they share the big one. Those of us outside the bubble look in and will never understand what it's like to be on the inside. More to the point, and despite what they may say to the contrary to try and sound like us, they have no wish to ever be on the outside. WHEN that day comes, they have plastic surgery and hip replacements and try and get back in. It's very sad.

Within the bubble, one can do and say whatever one likes as everyone else totally understands. There are different rules inside and as long as you don't upset your fellow bubblees, anything goes. Lets be honest. If you or I stood up and spoke like most of those award winners last night, we'd be cringing at the video this morning. Without a script and in some cases even with an autocue, it was both painful and embarrassing to listen to them. The content was bad enough but the delivery was worse. And these are the people we obsess about ? Gimme a break.

But bubble people don't see things as we do. It's a tight knit, closed off community. The ones in the crowd simply aspire to be up on that stage gushing away accepting an award, crying by the end and with the tears, finally letting the doubters know they CAN actually act ! It's almost mandatory to have a mini rant about some current political or humanitarian story to pretend you are intelligent and caring even if you come across as borderline nuts in doing so. As long as those in bubbleworld cheer and applaud you, that's all you care about.

I always love it when an award winner pauses and says "I hope I didn't leave anyone out." LEAVE ANYONE OUT !!! I'm actually shocked that I didn't get a mention ! Last night, one or two, probably only one actually, realised that they'd finished early and no one was winding them up or the 'get off' music hadn't started and so they went back and thanked a few people twice ! Now that's a pro ! Another showed us that one of an actor's skills is to NOT listen when it suits them and so, despite the 'get off' music starting, they continued to speak and only stopped, I assume, during the commercial break. Who knows.

And so the bubble bunch had a wonderful evening. Lots of kissing, hugs and handshakes and mutterings of how wonderful each other was in such and such a show/movie. I'm sure some of them were sincere and that friendships do exist within bubbleworld but I think those are as rare as a short acceptance speech. I mean, considering the inhabitants, why wouldn't there be acting going on inside the bubble ?

And finally, I'd like to thank..... But first, here is a photo to prove I can have stars in my eyes as well. This is NASA astronaut Story Musgrave looking slightly overwhelmed standing next to a famous person. Story has done more in his life than most and as well as having a bio so impressive it's scary, is the only astronaut to have flown in all 5 shuttles and for that alone, I was thrilled, and I'll admit, a little awestruck to have met him a couple of years ago. He lives just up the road outside Orlando and we've kept in touch via email since that meeting. He's a genuine, down to earth (ha !) person you would pass in the street and never recognise and yet if he was up on a stage accepting an award, would have every right to have a long list of people to thank.

People of bubbleworld (also known as bubbleheads), take note. It's not a concept you'll be familiar with or sadly, want to accept, but sometimes less is more.

Let Bygones Be Memories !

The great thing for me, but not for you, is that with my increased senility, I'm able to write about things several times over as if they were for the first time.

Having just watched "50 First Dates" (for probably the 6th time but who knows !) I feel like I can identify with the character played by Drew Barrymore, swapping car crash for old age to explain the onset of my short term memory loss.

I say all this because I think I've posted about aspects of THIS post before, hell probably the whole post word for word. But in my world, it's as new, fresh and honest as a Lb/Dem manifesto promise.

Speaking of such things, here is a wee joke I read yesterday on Twitter and apologies to all those outside the UK who may therefore not get it....and to all those inside the UK who may get it but still not think it's funny.

Man at Lib/Dem conference : "I'd like to buy a copy of your manifesto."

Lib/Dem lacky : "I'm sorry but we've sold out."

Man : "I know but I'd still like to buy a copy of your manifesto."

Boom, boom. That's probably my first and last political joke.

Ok where was I ? Oh yes, The Tremeloes.

What ? Oh sorry, I turned two pages of notes there.

After my somewhat pompous and depressing previous post, I went for a walk. It was a lovely warm sunny afternoon and I guess I still felt guilty about eating at the Golden Coral the previous evening but for whatever reasons, I plugged in my record player, strapped on my headphones and went walkies around the park.

It was awesome (to use the local idiom) to feel the sunshine on my face and the warm tarmac beneath my feet. Quickly going back inside to put on some socks and trainers (!), I set off again with a spring in my step (Air Jordans) and a smile on my face (Colgate Spearmint).

After a few pleasantly melodic tunes from "Take That", a popular UK beat combo, I was at peace with the world and ready for the next album to hit me. Being "The Greatest Hits Of Val Doonican" it didn't so much hit me as quietly sneak up behind me in carpet slippers and plant a wet kiss on my bald head.

Val Doonican, in his day, was to rock music what Colonel Saunders was, in his day, to low cholesterol. He could out croon Perry Como, out sweater Andy Williams and his songs were down the middle of the middle of the road. If he wanted to up the tempo and go a bit racy, he'd invite guests like Roger Whittaker, John Denver and Matt Munro onto his shows. He was so laid back he always finished those long running and very popular weekly tv shows by singing from a rocking chair !!

This style allied to his soft Irish brogue made him a winner with the pearl set and basically any woman over a certain age. And everyone, man or woman, from Ireland.

Growing up, as I did, in Norn Iron, I was fed on a diet of Val Doonican, Doris Day, Ruby Murray and so on. The genre was a mix of crooners and a special brand of country & western where the west rarely went beyond Donegal. The songs had all the typical American c&w lyrics of broken relationships, wife beating husbands and loving but lonesome cowboys but without the sliding guitars and hillbilly accents.

I hated it all but it wasn't in my nature to swim against the flow by being a fan of The Rolling Stones or Bob Dylan. No the best I could manage in my mini musical rebellion was to follow The Tremeloes (see, I'm on that page now) who were from Dagenham and so a pretty dodgy lot as far as my parents were concerned.

Back in those Dansette days when records were an inch thick and played via a knitting needle and granddad's ear trumpet, chart topping groups rarely came to Norn Iron. It would be like performing in Afghanistan now and, well they just didn't. As a result and to have some sort of live music during the weekly Fri/Sat dances, we invented showbands.

A showband was a collection of musicians somewhere between the size of a typical pop group and a small orchestra. There could be 10-15 or more male and female members in a showband and they always included a brass section to beef up the sound. The better ones, like the Miami Showband and The Royals could faithfully reproduce any current chart songs and were very popular on the ballroom circuit.

Here is a booking letter for a smaller showband showing that money wasn't exactly being thrown at them once it was split across the band members.

Before I left school and Norn Iron in 1970, I had a chance to finally see The Tremeloes locally in concert and was well impressed that just 4 people could sound so good. And so loud. Looking back it was probably a case of alcohol (literally), a very small hall and loads of screaming teenage girls that combined to make me think they were loud. And good. But after listening to showbands, they were magic.

So as I walked around the park listening to old Val warbling away about donkeys, goats and motorcars, I was taken back to my hometown of Ballymoney and the sounds of the late 50's and very early 60's before The Beatles burst on the scene and everything changed. The main music store had one speaker outside (stereo hadn't been discovered yet) and would be blasting out Alma Cogan and Ruby Murray songs at an unsuspecting public. And a young me.

I think this is why I still love ballads so much and here is one of Val's from way back then. He doesn't appear in the video but his unique voice still takes me back over 40 years when we'd gather around the tv to see what colour sweater he'd be wearing and wishing someone would hurry up and develop 3D.

Waste Not, Want Lots

Last night we went to the Golden Corral for dinner....and any images of a cattle round up are well justified. There is no reason for such places to exist but nevertheless we're drawn to them like moths to a flame. Where that flame has sizzling meat over it.

For those not in the loop, this is a buffet restaurant chain that uses registered catchphrases like "help yourself to happiness" and "everyone deserves a good meal" and customers do seem to help them to LOTS of happiness at a Golden Corral.

There is nothing to stop you having a small plateful of the pretty decent food on offer and the choice is astonishing. If a food item exists, there will be plenty of it on offer at the GC. The problem is, with so much on offer, it's very hard to avoid going back for more...and more....and then even more. A lot of the people there looked like they'd arrived 10 hours earlier for breakfast and just set up camp. Food items change from breakfast through lunch and finally for dinner. Hundreds of items like pancakes, sausages and bacon give way to roasts, fries and chicken which in turn give way to steaks, shrimp and more chicken as the morning turns to evening via afternoon.

I can't remember when we got there last evening but we stayed for about 2 hours, not eating too much, but just watching others. This is where people go to prepare themselves to be 'the people of Walmart' and their reward for all their excessive eating is an electric shopping scooter !

But as well as vast amounts of food going into over stretched stomachs, my concern is about the vast amounts of food going into bins once the doors have closed for the day. I doubt that staff are allowed to take it home or that it goes to homeless shelters or hospital kitchens. Law suits would inevitably ensue if someone got food poisoning. I think it was nearly closing time when we left and the staff were still filling up the troughs....sorry, trays.......to serve the few remaining customers. The chef was still grilling steaks and piling them on top of others. New banana cakes, carrot cakes and lemon pies were being added on the dessert counter. Fresh french fries were being tossed onto an already overflowing pile. They might as well have been throwing all this food straight into the bins.

It costs just $11 (£6-£7) to potentially eat more in one sitting than many people around the world get to eat in a year. Like with The Big Texan where they boast about their 72oz steak meal which if you can eat it all in 1 hr you get it free, the Golden Corral plays on our greed and seeming inability to stop eating when we've had enough. It's there, we've paid for it and we eat more than we need or is healthy for us.

And before it sounds like I'm talking about others and not including myself, I'm not. Last evening I WAS one of those others. I didn't eat a lot but I still ate a little too much. And more to the point, I left too much. I didn't eat a chicken drumstick down to the bone as it was much easier to go and get a fresh one. I tried not to leave food but with the setup there, it's almost impossible not to do so. You try a piece of steak and if it's not perfect, you put it and anything else to the end of the table and within seconds it's taken away so you can go and get some different cut. Multiply that by hundreds and you get the point.

Unwanted food goes into the bin along with uneaten food. I can't imagine how large those bins must be or how many they must have round the back. I just hope they have tight lids as Florida has many critters who would enjoy a buffet menu as much as us humans......and not be so picky either.

And so we went and we ate and we watched and we felt kinda guilty about it all. That guilt lasts a few months and then, no doubt, we'll be back for another helping of food and more guilt.

Sadly life isn't fair and those who have to fight daily for a few grains of rice would stand in complete shock if they were suddenly transported to a Golden Corral. Even the concept of going to a place where you can eat and eat as much as you want would be so alien to them that they'd simply not believe such a place exists. But they do and last night it was packed. It's always packed and you can understand why.

The catchphrase "everyone deserves a good meal" is very true and laudable but when I see it on the Golden Corral site, it seems tainted somehow.

And I'm not the one standing outside with my empty rice bowl.

It's A Small World Over Here.

I know, I know, a lot of you are now singing that annoyingly repetitious Disney song that burrows into your brain like a steroid taking weevil that loves to burrow, deeply.

I just wanted to link this post to the previous one and I really wanted to use the full title of that Disney tune but as I'd already used it as a blog post title back in April, I've edited it slightly here - which actually makes it more appropriate.

Phew.

Ok in my last post I suggested that many people, even within this country, admit that America is insular when it comes to what is happening in the rest of the world. When I comment about this, I'm often left in no doubt that this attitude is totally acceptable and even justified as America is, after all, THE best country in the world so why would its population care what's going on anywhere else. So it not so much an ignorance of world affairs as a 'we don't really care' about world affairs.

Then there is the definition of WORLD over here and that's why I've had to explain that attitude above. When your country IS the world, then many naming anomalies fall into place.

Anomalies like an annual baseball series being called The World Series despite the fact that it's only contested by 2 American teams.

Anomalies like The Superbowl Champions being called World Champions despite the fact that the game is played out by 2 American teams.

You get the idea.

But I put a lot of 'the blame' for this on the media which, after all, is where most of us still get our knowledge about the world. In America, the media has undoubtedly got the ability to educate but doesn't seem to do it. Maybe, in the case of tv, it's again a ratings thing. From 5pm every weekday evening, we get 90 minutes of local news on each of the 3 big national stations, ABC, NBC and CBS. With so many local stations in every state vying for news, stories range from important county decisions to lost pets. Typical local news in fact.

With lots of viewers wanting to learn about their community, there are lots of commercial breaks and so advertising revenues are huge.

Then at 6:30pm all the local stations come together and we get simultaneous news shows that go out to the entire nation. We have the NBC Nightly News, the CBS Evening News and finally, the ABC World News.

Wanting to know more about world news and events, I tuned into the ABC World News and decided to make a note of the stories it broadcast this evening. The devastating floods in Queensland, Australia ? The catastrophic mudslides in Brazil ? Hundreds of lives lost.

Here is a list of the reports on the ABC World News in sequence..........

1) The Tucson shooting.

2) Heavy snowfall affecting all parts of America.

3) Haiti one year on.

4) Sarah Palin.

5) A new US developed test for Down Syndrome.

6) The death of David Nelson, an actor in a US tv show from the 50's and 60's.

And that was it. At least there was ONE report about a country other than America but often even that's not the case.

I love this country. I love the people I've met and the places I've been to.

But 'they' sure don't make it easy to find out what is going on elsewhere. It's an attitude, just not a very healthy one in my opinion.

Worlds Apart

I've had a bit of an international 'run' with blog readers in the last few hours and the sequence has been as follows.....India, USA, USA, Malaysia, UK, USA, Spain, Italy, USA, Ireland, Denmark, Canada, UK, USA, Greece, Spain and Lesotho.

Lesotho ? Yes Lesotho became my 112th 'unique' country and welcome to you over there in Maseru, the capital city. Now if like me, you've heard of Lesotho and know it's in Africa but don't know exactly where it is, well look it up ! I did.

I try and learn something from those who find my blog - well not the individuals of course unless they leave a comment and friendships blossom - and like to check where they come from. I mean why else would I checkout Lesotho this morning ??

For one thing, I love that its name means "the land of the people who speak Sesotho" Brilliant. Much better than "the states that are united" or "the kingdom that is united" or even "we are the Mongolia that isn't inner."

Reading about its history, words like Dutch settlers, British rule, independence, military junta, civil war and poverty all appear with some predictability and with AIDS affecting a third of its population and 40% living below the poverty line ($1.25/day), it's no tourist location.

I now feel a strange connection with my reader in Lesotho even though it was probably a one off visit. What does he or she do there ? Any family ? What is day-to-day life like in such a place ? I know more about the surface of Mars than I do about Lesotho !

It reminds me that, via the internet, I have the world at my fingertips and yet, like in the real world, I rarely travel beyond my comfort zones of the USA and UK. I once tried to befriend people from other nationalities as I wanted to learn about their lives but those attempts didn't last long. I should try again. Maybe everyone should try. Think what it would do for international harmony if we had daily chats with people from countries we know little about and therefore fear or distrust. Chat with the citizens and not simply hear and believe what their often unelected leaders have to say. How about a contact in China or N. Korea, Afghanistan or Iraq ?

Sadly I found that, after a while, the fact that we had so little in common led to the demise of the daily chats as opposed to encouraging them. When you analyse chats, how much of them revolve around shared experiences ? TV or sport, recreation or hobbies ? When they are not shared or understood, then what's left ? The weather ?

We then use the language barrier to make our escape and justify not wanting to chat anymore. It's much easier to just pick up again with Charles or Hank and talk about The Gunners or those Bears, Coronation Street or American Idol. They speak our language (Hank, not so much) and so when deciding if we should have another try with Hiro Yashimoto in Tokyo or even Ntsu Mokhehle in Maseru, we take the easy way out and give up. It's a shame.

America is known as being insular and although as a nation it generously gives aid and support to many countries around the world, I think it's fair to say that its citizens know very little about those countries or even where they are. I never cease to be amazed that when people here find out I'm from England, no one ever asks me anything about life there. I usually get something about when THEY were once there during the war and that's it. We British are known for not bothering to learn a foreign language and assume everyone should speak English anyway. Is it any wonder WE are disliked and distrusted ?

I donno what the answer is. I'm in no position to preach as like I said, I can't even be bothered to type a few words regularly with anyone for whom English isn't their native tongue. (Sorry, Cletus in Louisiana but you DO try, mate).

Even with all the modern means of free and easy communication at our disposal, talking with Johnny Foreigner is always going to be an effort most of us aren't willing to make.

So although my visitor from Lesotho may never see this, thank you for at least making me think about these things today. I'll probably not rush off to find someone to talk with before lunch but maybe later....maybe later.

...Say The Bells Of St. Clement's

Taking a break from thoughts and posts about Italy, I decided to fix myself a glass of orange juice an hour or so ago. Went to the fridge......no juice.

"Merde, sacre bleu et quelle domage" I said to myself.

I tend to go all European when upset but don't know enough French to be much good at it. I should really try German as swearing sounds so much better in German.

"What to do ?" I thought, reverting to my native tongue.

A trip to the supermarket ? Not an option.

Home delivery ? Definitely not an option.

I went outside to have a think and the answer came to me. Actually the answer was hanging before my very eyes in the form of our orange tree.

And so it was, dear readers, that I went orange picking and what fun !

As you can see, even the oranges on the highest branches were not safe from my picking prowess.

I did prefer plucking the ones nearer the ground but they tended to be too small to be of much use.

After about 45 minutes, Stage 1 was complete and I had 2 large pails full of juicy succulent Honeybell oranges.

Never heard of Honeybell oranges ? Here is a description.......

"Honeybell oranges are exceptionally sweet and juicy citrus fruits which only reach peak ripeness during the month of January. Also known as Minneola tangelos, Honeybell oranges are not actually oranges at all. They are a hybrid or cross between the Darcy variety of tangerine and either the Duncan or Bowen variety of grapefruit"

I'm not sure I like the idea of them being anything to do with grapefruit as I'm not allowed to eat those. Ah well, I'll let you know !

Stage 2 involved a bit more work. I brought the oranges to the kitchen counter and, with an electric juicer doing most of the hard work, started the squeezing process. Sweet juice flowed like tap water and in no time at all, a delicious orange liquid was filling the container.



Soon there was enough to pour into an empty and well cleaned out gallon milk jug and I was finally ready to have my glass of orange juice !



Stage 3 and it was simply the best OJ I've ever had. No question. Sweet and juicy, like they said it would be.

Tonight I'm fixing salmon for supper and I'll probably want to squeeze some lemon juice over it when it leaves the griddle and hits my plate.

What to do ? Hmmmmmmmm.


Yes we have a lemon tree too.....just next to the grapefruit tree and on the other side of the 2 orange trees.

Have I told you how much I love wintering in Florida ?