Saturday, February 12, 2011

The (New) Man In The Mirror.

It's been another historic day here in sunny Buttonwood Bay as after several decades of being a beardy, I am now a smooth criminal.....opps I mean a smooth faced daily shaver again.

Yes gentle readers, the beard and 'tache have GONE !

I can't remember when I first had a 'full set' but I'm sure it was not long after I was physically able to do so. That would mean when I was in my late 30's !!

Slow developer, me.

I can remember lads at boarding school growing some sort of facial hair long before I was even growing it in other places. By the time we all left school at 18, they had full Brian Blesseds and I had just played Yum-Yum again in our Christmas rendition of The Mikado ! Nuff said.

Last weekend I put on a bet with myself that if The Packers lost the Superb Owl, I would shave off my beard. I wasn't fully committed to either result and so I told no one about my bet. I think that's called a safe bet in gambling circles although maybe it's just in coward circles. Whatever.

So with The Packers winning, my beard was saved from destruction but already a seed had been sown. A clean faced Silverback ? Would the world be ready for such a sight ? Hell, would I be ready for such a sight ?

I thought it over during the week and decided...yes...off with the beard. I mean if I scare young children and animals (more than usual), I can always grow it back in about 5 months !

And so today was THE day. I lined up the unfamiliar items next to the wash basin; shaving foam, razor, lots of tissues, bandages, hot towels, smelling salts, medical insurance policy. First up though, I trimmed my hair, what there was to trim. I used a No.2 guide which to the uninitiated, meant I ended up more Bruce Willis than Fabio. Sorted.

Then with razor in shaking hand, I looked at my bearded face in the mirror for the last time and started shaving.....

Now one of the reasons for me growing a beard in the first place was that I had always been a pimply yute and shaving usually left me looking like a Freddie Krueger body double. So, as I started revealing the skin beneath the beard, I wasn't really sure what I, and the razor blade, would find.

I was more than pleasantly surprised to find.....clear skin. Soft clear pimple free skin. Skin like the butt cheeks of a baby with such very smooth butt cheeks that it just came first in a world's smoothest butt cheeks competition. Hurrah !!

Mind you, I still managed to nick myself once......or twice.....ok a few times but not many. It's not easy this shaving lark. I'm not sure I fancy bothering with it on a daily basis but we'll see. Maybe I'll cultivate a Nick Tilsley stubble look (sorry non Corrie watchers but did you like the nick/Nick link there ?) which in my case, would mean only having to shave once a month !

With hair trimmed and beard gone, the sink looked like Bigfoot had just been given a wax job. It was time for a shower and what a strange experience THAT was. As I soaped my head and face, it felt like I was cleaning a bowling bowl. Yes, yes so I have very flared nostrils.....leave me alone.

After drying off, I was finally able to use my after shave for something other than just making my body smell half decent. But as Macaulay Culkin could've told me, this was a big mistake as my newly exposed skin was as sensitive as that of a 10 yr old - although I've never been too sure why he screamed like a little girl when all he'd done was have a shower !

I mean I'd shaved and everything and I only screamed a little bit. He was a wimp !

Speaking of mistakes, I'm still not sure if I've made a dreadful one by shaving and no, there will be ZERO photographic evidence of this until I have come to terms with my new look myself. There may be some PTSD (Post Traumatic Shaving Disorder) to deal with and I may need the support of friends and even a bit of therapy.

Right now I can't stop rubbing my chin like some thoughtful politician who has been asked to explain broken manifesto promises. I have no beard to twiddle with. No moustache to curl at the edges. If I start to get teenage acne again, I'm defenceless.

I'M NAKED. Well facially anyway.

I'll let you know if it lasts.

5 comments:

Daphne said...

Never mind all that about no photographic evidence till you're used to it. Just show me the PHOTO!

Jay said...

I wanna seeeeeee! Show us the photos!!

McC C screamed because it was in the script. Someone thought it might be funny, I guess ... and in a way, it was. Kid copying adult to the nth degree and all that.

So come on. PHOTOS!!!

*Taps fingers*

I'm waiting.

Jennyta said...

No photo? That's just plain mean. I could do with a laugh. ;)

Ruth said...

I hope I get to see the clean shaven you.
Your newly bared face will be more sensitive to sun exposure. Sun burn is probably more lastingly painful than a splash of aftershave. But suntanned face will be gorgeous.

rhymeswithplague said...

I have a disorder that make me grow beards in the warm weather and shave them off in the cold weather. Really stupid, but that's the way it is.

I hope you used a small scissors to cut most of the beard off first and that you didn't use the razor from the get-go. That would have been tres frustrating, to say the least.

Hope to see the new you before long. Any similarites to a baby's butt will be entirely coincidental, I'm sure [*guffawing into sleeve*]

Most Recent Awards

Most Recent Awards