Saturday, February 12, 2011

The (New) Man In The Mirror.

It's been another historic day here in sunny Buttonwood Bay as after several decades of being a beardy, I am now a smooth criminal.....opps I mean a smooth faced daily shaver again.

Yes gentle readers, the beard and 'tache have GONE !

I can't remember when I first had a 'full set' but I'm sure it was not long after I was physically able to do so. That would mean when I was in my late 30's !!

Slow developer, me.

I can remember lads at boarding school growing some sort of facial hair long before I was even growing it in other places. By the time we all left school at 18, they had full Brian Blesseds and I had just played Yum-Yum again in our Christmas rendition of The Mikado ! Nuff said.

Last weekend I put on a bet with myself that if The Packers lost the Superb Owl, I would shave off my beard. I wasn't fully committed to either result and so I told no one about my bet. I think that's called a safe bet in gambling circles although maybe it's just in coward circles. Whatever.

So with The Packers winning, my beard was saved from destruction but already a seed had been sown. A clean faced Silverback ? Would the world be ready for such a sight ? Hell, would I be ready for such a sight ?

I thought it over during the week and with the beard. I mean if I scare young children and animals (more than usual), I can always grow it back in about 5 months !

And so today was THE day. I lined up the unfamiliar items next to the wash basin; shaving foam, razor, lots of tissues, bandages, hot towels, smelling salts, medical insurance policy. First up though, I trimmed my hair, what there was to trim. I used a No.2 guide which to the uninitiated, meant I ended up more Bruce Willis than Fabio. Sorted.

Then with razor in shaking hand, I looked at my bearded face in the mirror for the last time and started shaving.....

Now one of the reasons for me growing a beard in the first place was that I had always been a pimply yute and shaving usually left me looking like a Freddie Krueger body double. So, as I started revealing the skin beneath the beard, I wasn't really sure what I, and the razor blade, would find.

I was more than pleasantly surprised to find.....clear skin. Soft clear pimple free skin. Skin like the butt cheeks of a baby with such very smooth butt cheeks that it just came first in a world's smoothest butt cheeks competition. Hurrah !!

Mind you, I still managed to nick myself once......or twice.....ok a few times but not many. It's not easy this shaving lark. I'm not sure I fancy bothering with it on a daily basis but we'll see. Maybe I'll cultivate a Nick Tilsley stubble look (sorry non Corrie watchers but did you like the nick/Nick link there ?) which in my case, would mean only having to shave once a month !

With hair trimmed and beard gone, the sink looked like Bigfoot had just been given a wax job. It was time for a shower and what a strange experience THAT was. As I soaped my head and face, it felt like I was cleaning a bowling bowl. Yes, yes so I have very flared nostrils.....leave me alone.

After drying off, I was finally able to use my after shave for something other than just making my body smell half decent. But as Macaulay Culkin could've told me, this was a big mistake as my newly exposed skin was as sensitive as that of a 10 yr old - although I've never been too sure why he screamed like a little girl when all he'd done was have a shower !

I mean I'd shaved and everything and I only screamed a little bit. He was a wimp !

Speaking of mistakes, I'm still not sure if I've made a dreadful one by shaving and no, there will be ZERO photographic evidence of this until I have come to terms with my new look myself. There may be some PTSD (Post Traumatic Shaving Disorder) to deal with and I may need the support of friends and even a bit of therapy.

Right now I can't stop rubbing my chin like some thoughtful politician who has been asked to explain broken manifesto promises. I have no beard to twiddle with. No moustache to curl at the edges. If I start to get teenage acne again, I'm defenceless.

I'M NAKED. Well facially anyway.

I'll let you know if it lasts.


Daphne said...

Never mind all that about no photographic evidence till you're used to it. Just show me the PHOTO!

Jay said...

I wanna seeeeeee! Show us the photos!!

McC C screamed because it was in the script. Someone thought it might be funny, I guess ... and in a way, it was. Kid copying adult to the nth degree and all that.

So come on. PHOTOS!!!

*Taps fingers*

I'm waiting.

Jennyta said...

No photo? That's just plain mean. I could do with a laugh. ;)

Ruth said...

I hope I get to see the clean shaven you.
Your newly bared face will be more sensitive to sun exposure. Sun burn is probably more lastingly painful than a splash of aftershave. But suntanned face will be gorgeous.

rhymeswithplague said...

I have a disorder that make me grow beards in the warm weather and shave them off in the cold weather. Really stupid, but that's the way it is.

I hope you used a small scissors to cut most of the beard off first and that you didn't use the razor from the get-go. That would have been tres frustrating, to say the least.

Hope to see the new you before long. Any similarites to a baby's butt will be entirely coincidental, I'm sure [*guffawing into sleeve*]

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