Monday, January 03, 2011

Only In Amerwicca !

That's not a typo, just my attempt to link the blog heading with the blog subject.

Some weeks ago when I thought it would be a good idea to create occasional posts about life here in these United States, I should've given the first post a #1. That way the next such post could've been #2.

You get the idea ?

But oh no. Couldn't take the easy way out could I ? I didn't do that and so all subsequent posts require me to come up with some brilliant and witty heading and it's just too early in January for me to be arsed. I mean bothered. Dammit there goes another NY resolution !

Anyway for this one, I've resorted to cartoon comedy in the guise of one, Elmer Fudd, with his amusing speech impediment. Hopefully no one will notice that he's a Loony Tunes character and therefore got nothing to do with the Disney Corporation, which this post is all about.

Ok I'm losing you, I know. Back to the plot.........

Over here in the colonies, silly law suits are alive and well and just like unnecessary surgeries, are thriving in this economy. The rich get richer and those that want to be rich, sue those that are. It's all good democracy in action.

One of the nuttier law suits being mentioned on both sides of the pond (pond being a very apt word here) concerns a groping Donald Duck. Yes, you read that right. Donald Duck...groping.

The facts in the case are that a 27 yr old woman, who I won't name in case she sues me too as she is obviously on a mission, was groped by a Disney staff member (stop giggling there Fanshaw) at the Epcot Theme Park here in sunny Florida. The staff member (last warning, Fanshaw.......) was dressed as Donald Duck at the time and the alleged incident involved him/it grabbing the woman's breast and then joking about it.

If this actually took place, and I have to assume there were witnesses or else the case would've been thrown out already, I've no idea why this DD felt the need to grab a breast. The heat here can turn anyone, or anything, a bit wacky occasionally and wearing a heavy DD suit must be difficult at the best of times. To have to wander around for hours on end while little kids kick seven bells out of those sensitive parts of your anatomy that you don't actually share with a duck, would cause me to go a bit off track at times too. I wouldn't grab a woman's breast though and unless Disney has quietly entered the porn market, neither should Mr. DD.

So let's believe this incident is true and therefore this woman was basically assaulted. It's no laughing matter and she's quite entitled to get an apology and I suppose some degree of compensation. A free season ticket or something so she can be groped by other Disney characters ?

Noooo. My bad.

Now if I was a judge and this case came before me (Fanshaw.....OUT), I'd listen with sensitivity if Miss (or Mrs) Breast-Groped said she had been offended and even a bit traumatised by this unwanted personal attack. If proven to be true, I'd tell the Disney Corporation to sack the employee if it hadn't done so already and in order to send out a strong message that such invasions of privacy will not be tolerated, tell Disney to pay the woman $50,000 or something similar. A reasonable amount for a breast groping I have to think....but then I'm a man and not best qualified to judge.

But, in my opinion, the woman isn't helping her case by laying it on with a trowel, as the saying goes. She claims she was more than offended. More than traumatised.

According to her law suit, the incident, the alleged incident, which took place almost 3 years ago, has left her with nightmares, digestive problems, post traumatic stress and other permanent injuries. Digestive problems !?!

Now call me an old cynic and I know my only medical qualification is my online Southern California Amateur Medicine diploma, but I suspect she's much more likely to be suffering from a severe case of Cash Register Syndrome, or CRS as we semi professionals call it. CRS can strike at any time but is much more prevalent when in close contact with large corporations. Then it can flare up, get out of control and lead to symptoms like wild accusations, sweaty palms, quickening of the pulse, widening of the grin and a constant habit of browsing cruise ship websites.

I'll be following this case with some interest and as well as providing the judge with reliable witnesses or even HD camcorder footage, I hope this woman realises that, given all the medical issues she's claiming to have, she has a good doctor in her camp.

And not some quack !


Daphne said...

Hilarious post! Brilliant! Made me laugh a lot - - and also made me realise that I have missed a whole opportunity to sue for a small fortune - - an incident which I'm about to blog about now (Advert!)

Ruth said...

Having been groped in the past and also having been to Disneyland and seen Donald Duck cartoons, I am traumatised by this post. I might have to sue

Ha ha ha ha ha
Excellent post

Jennyta said...

I'm still trying to think of something in this post to be traumatised by. I'll let you know!:)

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