Monday, February 15, 2010

Red Alert !!

Never ever buy cinnamint toothpaste !

I love cinnamon and I love mint and so I thought that a combination of both would be a nice change to my toothpaste flavour after years of boring spearmint.

Well I tried it this morning and although the taste wasn't bad, when I spat the excess 'goop' out of my mouth and into the sink, I thought I was at best an extra in a cheap horror movie or at worst, I'd developed leprosy overnight.

When I rinsed, great blobs of red gel and red coloured liquid lined the bottom of the otherwise sparkling white sink and it was all I could do to resist checking that my gems were still in place and not crumbling to bits.

Yes I know the toothpaste was red BEFORE it went into my mouth but after 2 minutes of battery powered brushing, I guess I forgot. I remember a stripey toothpaste called Signal I think where it also left red glop in the sink but I'd not used that brand for decades. I'd also let the word 'mint' lull me into thinking if any colour came out of my mouth, it would be green.

Not that seeing a green tinted sink would've been a lot better this morning but somehow we associate red with blood (ok and tomatoes, and I guess Ferrari's, and of course fire engines, oh and cherries, stop signs, fire extinguishers, brake lights - sod it lots of things then) and when over a sink brushing your teeth, you really don't want to see great globs of 'bloody' stuff plopping into it.

And as for trying to rinse it away ! Ha ! The damn stuff has all the adhesive powers of super glue. You try and help it along towards the plughole and it smears like butter on toast and becomes three times as hard to shift. What the hell is IN this stuff and do my teeth now look like the sink, with flecks of red gel all over them ?

It was with some relief that I looked in the mirror, smiled and saw my normal chipped and uneven British teeth gleaming back in all their off white brilliance without a shred of red gel anywhere to be seen.

I don't need such stress first thing in the morning. Getting out of bed is enough for me these days. I usually say thanks to God for getting me through the night and giving me what I hope to be another day of life - so to suddenly see what looks like bits of me hitting the sink tends to make me think I didn't survive the night unscathed after all.

Oh I'll keep the toothpaste as I'm too tight to throw it away. I'll just pin a post-it to the bathroom mirror that says.............

"When rinsing, nothing that you see in the sink is a body part. Necessarily."


jay said...

Hahahaha! Well, as you know, I can't stand cinnamon, so I wouldn't be likely to buy the stuff anyway, but on the off-chance that OH does, I'll bear your warning in mind.

I'll be ready with a restorative cup of tea as he exits the bathroom, pale and shaking, after rinsing what he imagines to be half his innards down the sink.

Ho ho.

Daphne said...

I love cinnamon, so might have been tempted to try this toothpaste, should it ever make it to Britain where we're still using a mixture of salt and soot when brushing our teeth. But I think my early-morning routine is too established to take such red-sink trauma. On the plus side, your post made me laugh a LOT.

Jennyta said...

Ah, well, you see you are in that there America where they have all these new fangled things. I'm with Daphne - mixture of salt and soot - can't beat it!

rhymeswithplague said...

Eewwwwwwwww!!! (American equivalent of nasty, ghastly, totally unacceptable)

Yorkshire Pudding said...

Had you been out boozing or perhaps abusing recreational drugs the night before? This would explain your panicky reaction to the toothpaste deposits. Remember "You'll wonder where the red blobs went when you brush your teeth with Pepsodent!"

Jan said...

At least you don't have to put your teeth in a jar of steradent at night. :-)

Personally, I detest cinnamon, but thanks for the giggle anyway.

rhymeswithplague said...

Ian, have you been rinsing for an entire week???

オテモヤン said...


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