Saturday, October 10, 2009

I Need A Fag

Many decades ago, older boys at many UK boarding schools used younger boys almost as their personal servants, called fags.

One of the many tasks these fags were required to do was to warm up the toilet seat on cold winter days so that the older boys wouldn't have to 'suffer' even the temporary discomfort of sitting down on a cold seat. How civilized !

I'm was never quite sure why the fag had to drop his pants to perform this warming procedure when I'd have thought that just sitting on the seat would suffice. But then we're talking about boarding schools and you know how that goes !

Anyway I've been trying to not use my central heating before I leave for America in 3 weeks time and as a result, my bathroom has been cold enough to store eggs ! I paid a 'visit' last night and decided there and then that I had to either admit defeat and turn on the central heating or else get a fag for 3 weeks.

Earlier today I asked in my local store and the owner said he wasn't allowed to sell fags in singles (damn our government regulations) and as I only wanted one, I realised I'd have to do a Google search to find him.

Have you ever tried putting 'fag' into a search engine ?

Well I discovered lots of very interesting and image heavy websites I can tell you but none of the nice people there would agree to warm my loo seat for me ! I did like their tattoos though. I had to laugh when in a web chat, one of them said I needed to come out of the water closet. I like humour like that.

So anyway I'm sitting here now in my toasty warm house, near to my toasty warm radiators and all set to visit my toasty warm bathroom when the need arises.

Our short sighted government may tell us that fags can damage your health but I can tell you that my energy bill would be a lot less.

The thing is, I suspect my sweetie bill would be through the roof and I'd risk being on a list somewhere !!

6 comments:

rhymeswithplague said...

Well, I knew that "fag" can mean "homosexual" as well as "cigarette" but I didn't know it could also mean "a younger boy who warms toilet seats for his elders at an English boarding school."

Reading blogs is so educational.

Daphne said...

This is one of those "truth is stranger than fiction" things - we know it's true, but it does sound unbelievable. If you do manage to find a fag, could you send him round to do my hoovering once he's warmed up your toilet seat?

Jennyta said...

Well, I could have lent you Paddy if I had known. When he lies on the bed (which he's not supposed to do, of course) his body heat goes right through to the mattress.

Yorkshire Pudding said...

I detect echoes of Roald Dahl in the toilet seat reference...
"Better to be a fag than fagged out" - George W. Bush

Debby said...

No fags needed here. Just hurry up.

I got your room all vacuumed and your sheets washed. The a/c unit is in and your window all washed. That doesn't make me a fagette does it?

Silverback said...

Remember that's only one of many tasks the lad would have to perform, Bob !!

Daphne, as they are genetically programmed to only do tasks for older boys, I'll send mine over to Olli once my seat is warmed.

Not sure how I'd explain hairs on my toilet seat, Jenny, but it's worth thinking about.

And once again we see Bush talking out of his toilet seat, YP.

Yes, Deb. A cold seat in Sebring is really only a possibility on a few occasions so as my fagette, I'm glad you've been learning new tasks.

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