Shamed By My Colleagues

I'm considering suing 2 of my fellow members of the esteemed paparazzi club for bringing shame and embarrassment to our noble profession.

According to this BBC report, my 'friends' were simply trying to do their decent and law abiding jobs by taking unwanted and unnecessary photographs of 2 'C' list actresses on location on a movie shoot in some Canadian resort last year when they were physically and verbally assaulted by said 'actresses'.

I'm not naming names just in case I get slapped with a law suit for further ridicule.

Now for some reason we have no photos of these paparazzi chappies but I'd have to think that, like myself, they are strapping young men with ripped abs, quite adept at throwing their considerable weight around in scrums outside nightclubs and able to ascend walls and trees in a single bound - if there is a financially worthwhile photo opportunity on the other side.

So what was the verbal abuse which reduced them to quivering heaps of inhumanity and brought down embarrassment, shame and ridicule upon them ?

One of the actresses called them 'paparazzi scum' !!! Oh my goodness. The shame, the shame of it.

Well fog my intrusive zoom lens but isn't one of those words redundant anyway ???

And the physical abuse ? Well the report doesn't say if any wrist slapping, or handbag waving or, given the buxom attributes of both actresses, if boob swinging in an enclosed space was involved, but at some point laptops were thrown off a balcony.

What a one sided and mighty battle of the sexes it must've been. I'm shocked there were ANY survivors.

I know these guys like to get their reports and photos off to their quality papers and magazines as fast as possible, but I didn't realise they carried their laptops around with them while trying to get their sneaky images. I'm surprised they don't employ clapped out sherpas to haul all their gear around when on these obviously dangerous and emotionally draining assignments.

And where has this law suit been lodged ? Yes, you've guessed it. In Los Angeles Superior Court. God forbid that any serious legal work should go on there.

I tell you, the world has gone mad, mad I tells ya.

I sure hope they still managed to get photos of the actresses despite the obvious dangers to their well-being, as my celeb scrapbook has a full page screaming out for more images. It's in the 'Who Needs An Oscar When I've Got Huge Boobs And Teeth" section and although it's pretty full, there is always room for 2 more.

God bless you young men. I hope you get every cent that you deserve.