I Can Take The Pressure

I'm one of those people who tends to put up with things as long as they work at all or as long as I can use superglue, blu-tac or duct tape to make them work.

Take my shower. It's never been very good. Oh it looks great as I got it new when I had my bathroom completely redone a few years ago. But the plumbing in this house was done during the war (The Crimean War) and the pipework in the loft makes the map of the London Underground look simple. The water pressure is so bad that I have to run around under the shower head just to get wet.

But I've put up with it as I'm rarely in a rush when I shower and it gives me the chance to not just sing along to a few singles from an album on my shower cd player but to get in the whole album !

But in April, when I got home from wintering in Florida and turned the water supply back on, it went from being a pathetic dribble to a trickle. I put my extensive plumbing skills to good use by going up into the loft, looking at all the pipes and giving them a good glare and the occasional shake and deciding it was all too much for me to deal with right then. That was almost 3 months ago and last week even I had had enough.

I asked a kind friend, Ken, for help and between us we came up with a plan, not a cunning plan, just a plan. My shower needed a pump installed to give the water pressure a much needed boost. An electric shower wouldn't have been any good as that just heats the water and doesn't increase the pressure so a pump was ordered. Not just any old pump mind you. Oh no. When I do eventually get things done, I get them done.

So yesterday the big day arrived, as did my friend and the pump. We had a coffee, talked about stuff and then the work began. By that I mean he installed the pump and I kept the coffee coming !! But what a nightmare it was up there and at times I didn't so much think he was installing a pump as playing a sort of individual version of Twister. One leg would be over a pipe, the other one under a pipe and the rest of his body forming a human pretzel around the wooden loft beams. Getting into these positions was bad enough, but once there, he then had to cut pipes and install electrical wiring and, as his brilliant idea for stopping water coming out of the cold water tank was to use a big blob of blu-tac to bung up the outlet hole, we were constantly waiting for a flood of water to burst from the cut pipework at any time.

Oh the pressure, the pressure. For once I didn't want any pressure !

After 3 hours it was done. The blu-tac was removed, valves opened and we heard the water getting to the pump and with no leaks. Stage 1 complete. Then the pump was started and........silence. I was moving back and forth from the shower to the top of the ladder to try and be useful while Ken puzzled over this development. We knew it needed a flow of water around the pump to activate it as it's designed never to run 'empty' but it WAS getting a flow so why wasn't it running ? I did all I could do which was to twist the various shower controls one way and then the other as that's my thing. My only thing.

Then like a dam bursting, water came forth - and fifth and even sixth - and the pump started up. Hurrah !!!

The flow wasn't great but it was a start. I moved the water temperature dial and the flow increased. See, twiddling things can work ! I still wasn't impressed and then the pump started making noises like a 40 a day smoker and the water was coming in matching spurts. Time for drastic action and with nothing to lose I opened the hot water tap on the bathrom sink.

The pump stopped coughing, the water stopped spurting and to my amazement, the flow increased 10 fold and enamel was peeling off the back of the bath ! I had pressure !!!!!

In our semi professional plumbing way, we decided it was all down to a combination of the pump needing a while to 'bed in' and some air being in the pipework. Whatever, I finally had a shower that would drench me in 0.2 seconds, remove dirt and some body hair in 2.4 seconds and reduce me to a skeleton in about 5.6 seconds. I couldn't wait to try it out. Thank you, Ken.

Last night I barely slept. I also slept barely but that's another story. I was like a kid on Christmas morning and at 9am (Very early for me) I'd had enough and jumped out of bed and straight into the shower.

My bed is very close to the bathroom !

In the past I'd been able to get into the bath tub, turn on the shower and when it was at operating temperature, move in under it to try and get wet. Today I had to remain outside the bath, reach across to turn on the shower and within a few seconds, step in and across the flow which almost pushed me to the back of the bath.

OMG I felt like I was back on the deck of The Maid Of The Mist and all that was missing was my yellow poncho. The sponge was blown out of my hands and when I bent over to pick it up, I felt violated ! I wasn't so much showered as sand blasted. My internal organs have never been so clean. My blood is more pink than red. Homer Simpson has more hair than I do.

You get the picture. I have a shower, people ! A shower to be proud of. A shower that takes your skin, sends it off to be steam cleaned and puts it back with the top 2 layers missing. If you look upwards, this shower will give you a better face lift than a Hollywood plastic surgeon.

When I turned it off I stood there dripping with an insane smile on my face. Actually it wasn't a smile so much as the state my face was left in after the shower had acted like a wind tunnel. You know those shots you see when someone is in a rocket sledge or a parachutist has just jumped out of an aeroplane and is freefalling for the first 5 minutes. That was me and I loved it.

Gathering up the folds of loose skin I exited the bath and dabbed myself dry as I felt that using the towel the normal way really would remove the rest of my skin.

I'm sure the novelty will wear off but for now it's great and my plan is to get down and dirty and have another shower this evening. Having a power shower is all well and good but I can see I'm going to have to guard against going OCD.

Anyway for now I'm off to eBay to look for a yellow poncho. Wooohoooooo !!!

Money Worries ? Sleep On It.

The news report today about the Tel Aviv woman who decided to replace her mothers mattress as a surprise, not knowing her mother had stuffed $1m in life savings inside it, brings up several questions.

1) Are banks so out of favour that there is a need to hoard that much money in a mattress ?

2) Why was the daughter not in on this cunning plan ?

3) How did she accumulate $1m in cash anyway ?

4) How much is a plane ticket to Isreal ?

I'm amazed that the names of potential dumps were given in the article as I'm sure a few people might decide to go there and hunt for the old mattress themselves. Does the woman still have ownership rights ? I mean she threw it out so does that mean it's up for grabs ?

Normally I'd have to think twice about wanting a used mattress from a dump site. Lets face it, it wouldn't be in prime condition and no amount of febreze would help. But one stuffed full of money might just get me down there, or over there in this case.

The daughter was philosophical about it all - easy for her !

The mother ? Not so much. The last line of the article is a classic and I don't think she'll be sleeping well for some time to come, despite her nice new mattress !

BOGOFF Post

"Y'buy one, y'get one free"

"I said, y'buy one, y'get one free."

Ah don't we all just love that advert for Safestyle UK double glazing ?!  No, I know we don't BUT we remember it !  At least I've just proved that I do.

Anyway this is a 2 for 1 post today as I've just been out for some fresh air and the walk has stimulated my endorphins. That'll teach me to go commando !

So I walked the 20 mins to my doctor's surgery/office and met a few people along the way.  Did any wish me a good morning ?  No.  Did any smile and return my smile to them ?  No.  Did any even raise their heads and make eye contact ?  No.  

Well actually one did all three. She was a young mum pushing her kiddie in a pram and she looked right at me, smiled broadly and gave me a cheery good morning.  It was almost a shock and for a split second I wondered if she was part of a sting operation designed to throw me off guard while an accomplice darted out of the bushes and mugged me.

I know we're living through harsh times but not SO harsh that we can't greet fellow pedestrians. It was like being on the London Underground today. I miss Buttonwood Bay as about 95% of people I meet on my daily walks there (YES daily, damn you) not only smile and say hello but also wave if they're on the other side of the street. Those that don't, tend to be blind and/or deaf so fair enough.  I know deep down they'd wave too if only they could see and hear me !

Everyone here is plugged into their ipods or furiously texting their mates, telling them that they're on such and such a street and should be crossing onto such and such a street in 5 minutes.  However did we manage before texting ?

And speaking of all things electronic (a dubious link if ever there was one), I bought a new laptray for my laptop the other day and I'd highly recommend it. Previously I'd always used one of those tv trays with a bag containing thousands of little polystyrene beads to provide padding for my old thighs and knees.  Over time those beads provide less and less padding and I was ending up with just the wooden tray on my legs - which hurt.

So on a trip to Costco recently I spotted this wonderful item.


The padded bag is full of something resembling that memory foam they put in high end mattresses and pillows and man is it good.  I'm hoping it'll outlast my laptop and probably my legs too and the signs are good. And look, its blue, my fav colour and it has a cute little carry handle.

By the way, I've just uploaded the above photo to show the tray.  So don't ask me about the laptop as I don't know anything about it.  Same goes for the girl - I've no idea what she thinking about (although I can't imagine that typing position doing her back any good at all).  The laptop and the woman are NOT the reason why I posted the photo, capiche !

Food for Thought

I said I'd get a few posts out of the photos I took in Bridlington on Tuesday and here is another one.

It's also on a food theme as the 3 photos are all menus and I thought they might be of interest to readers from other countries.  Or even from the UK when you look at the first one.

It was bad enough that every meal for kids came with chips (fries) but I think someone hadbeen tinkering with the gene pool as nothing in nature would ever get a turkey and a dinosaur to 'get it on.'  Wonder was it fresh ?!


I just HAD to photograph the next one because on one of the Ulster Word Of The Day (UWOTD) posts, I mentioned 'mineral' as being a collective word for all sorts of pop/soda when I was growing up in N. Ireland. And now here it was being used in Yorkshire !


Finally this is part of the menu from the cafe where we had a light snack before leaving Bridlington. We arrived not long before they were closing and when we were told the kitchen was closed for hot food and they only had tea/coffee and things like scones, we were ok as that was exactly what we'd gone in for.

I only show it here in case anyone from foreign shores wouldn't know what to expect from a bed & breakfast establishment here......as most of these meals would be typical of a full English breakfast and I can tell you that any of these choices would set you up for a day of walking around being a tourist.


I suspect the larger ones might force you to have a mid morning nap first !!

Bigger, Faster, Better ?

My new combination microwave finally arrived this afternoon. The delivery company had rung me yesterday to tell me it would be on the morning truck and sure enough, in the time honoured tradition of British delivery companies, it arrived this afternoon !

Never mind, being retired I'd nothing better to do than wait in.

The muscular driver brought it up the drive like the box was empty. I opened the door, he brought it in, placed it on the kitchen floor and after putting my John Hancock on his document, he was gone.  I was all set to move the box out of the kitchen when I noticed the weight on the side of it...29kgs !!  That's 64lbs in real money. Or weight.


So the box stayed where it was and I managed to get the oven out without any serious medical complications but it was a close call. Who knew microwaves weighed so much.

At first I was delighted with the colour as I love all things blue, well except for movies. Then I realised it was only a blue protective cover and the unit was a boring silver. Ah well.



I can't show any other photos as the front acted like a mirror and it was impossible to get a shot without me appearing as well.  It hardly matters as they're all much the same.

Then I found the instruction manual and knew where most of the 64lbs came from !  With a control panel worthy of the Space Shuttle flightdeck, it needed to have a manual to match - and it did. It'll give me bedtime reading for the rest of the month. My old oven had 2 dials and a start/stop button. One dial to set the power level and the other for the time. Once both were set and the start button pressed, 6 large tealight candles would be slowly lowered from the oven top and the cooking process would begin.

Well it was 25 years old.

So the new oven was plugged in and following the instructions, I cooked some fresh air for 40 minutes. Worked a treat and never has air been so well cooked in my experience. I used the grill setting for 20 minutes and then the convection oven setting for the other 20 minutes. This got rid of that new smell and probably cremated any bugs that may have sneaked in on it's trip from Thailand.

By now it was time for supper and its first real chance to impress. On the menu tonight was a pork chop with garlic mashed potatoes and mixed veg. Deciding I didn't want to clean up the mess on day 1, I grilled the chop on the griddle which left the new microwave to.....ah....heat up the mixed veg !

I know, not much of a test but it's early days.  I'm going to settle down and watch a movie later on and that means microwave popcorn.

Heating up mixed veg and nuking popcorn. I'm sure I can hear sniggering coming from the old oven !

Oh I Do Like To Be.......

.......beside the seaside.

I was due to be putting my tired old legs up today while waiting for an Amazon delivery but they rang before noon to say the delivery would be tomorrow.  I mean Amazon rang, not my legs !  

So I was free for the day and being the last day of the current warm spell, known here as the end of Summer, I wanted to go out somewhere.  Rounding up Daphne, we headed first to The Wellington for an excellent carvery lunch and then after a bit of deliberation, it was off to the seaside.  

Bridlington to be precise; a typical British resort town on the East Coast which is normally a place I'd avoid like the plague.  Sorry Bob.

But Bridlington does have one thing going for it - a huge beach of Daytona proportions, although the only form of transport allowed on this beach are donkeys.

As it turned out, it was also a photographers dream location and I should get at leasat 3 posts from our visit there.  To get the ball rolling, this post will just focus on edibles.  And as you will see, I use the term VERY loosely.

First, crabs.  You always get crabs at the seaside.  Sorry, couldn't resist.


These little nippers were straight off the boat and most were still moving. One made it off the tray but landed upside down on the concrete dock. I pointed this out to the crabby man (!) and he placed it gently back in the tray, patting it's head and checking that it was comfy.

Well no, not really but as this blog may be read by kids, I'll say no more.

Some time later, after a walk on South Beach (which was just so similar to THE South Beach that it was spooky), we went back along the prom to North Beach. This involved passing a plethera of gift shops, fish and chip outlets, amusement arcades and, for the want of a better term, sweet stores.

One of the staples of sweet stores at the seaside is rock. Edible rock. And as I'd not had a stick of rock for decades, I wanted some today.


The stick I eventually bought was much bigger than any of these as I wanted a classic with the town name running all the way through it. But while in some of these stores, what concerned me was that they'd taken 'amusing confectionary' to a new low level.

If you are easily offended, then look away now.

If you are easily offended, what the hell are you reading my blog for in the first place ?




Mind you, with my long hard stick of rock grasped firmly in my hot sweaty hand, I guess I was in no position to complain !!

One of the stores made me think my GPS had taken us to Cock-a-knee land as it sold items not normally seen north of the Watford Gap. Maybe I just don't go to the seaside enough.



Gives a whole new meaning to the expression "a price on your head.

"
And finally, for this initial post, I've leave you with a photo which evoked memories long forgotten. I'd never seen such a variety of sweets in glass jars like this since I was a wee bairn growing up in N. Ireland. I mean I know many corner shops still have them but surely not in such quantities anymore. It was a joy to see and this was only a small part of the display.


Crabs, rock, whelks, phallic inspired sweeties and not a 'Kiss Me Quick" hat in sight.

This is Yorkshire and we know what people want !

A Walk On The Wild Side

After walking for 2 hrs around the park yesterday, the last thing I felt like doing today was going for another walk.  More than doing it for the exercise, today it was mainly due to hearing about the missing plane (see previous post) and thinking that the life we take for granted could be taken away in a heartbeat that got me up off my backside and out into the fresh air again.

So I decided to go to Eccup Reservoir which involved going along my country path that I've blogged about before.  First I walked through a few streets in my estate and I have to say even that was a pretty start to the walk.



Then it was country path time and after my litter strewn walk yesterday, it was refreshing to go along this path with no litter in sight. Maybe the lack of people was the reason but whatever, I loved it. I also loved the canopy created by the overhanging trees which as well as giving me some brief shade from the sun, created an almost tunnel like effect for my walk.



At the end of the path, it meets up with the very busy A61, Harrogate Road, and while waiting for a break in the traffic, I set the camera up on a bollard and took a photo of me with the path behind me.


That's my mp3 headphones lead you see and not a hearing aid.  I'm not quite at that stage yet. I then took the following photo while crossing the road and considering I was trying to avoid death by bus, it came out pretty well !


Then it was down the hill to the reservoir and it was looking stunning in the late afternoon sunshine. There were joggers, cyclists and walkers like myself and still, no litter. See, we CAN get it right sometimes.




At this point I turned around and walked back home. I'd been out for 2.5 hrs and was jiggered. After almost 5 hours out and about over the last 2 days, I plan on putting my tired old legs up tomorrow. I have to stay in anyway as I'm expecting a new combination microwave from Amazon so that'll be my excuse.

I just hope it doesn't arrive at 9am !!

Crashing Can Seriously Damage Your Health

Having crossed the Atlantic almost 50 times and, health permitting, plan on making many more crossings in the future, I was more than shocked this morning to learn that an Air France Airbus 330-200 was missing on it's journey from Rio, Brazil to Paris, France.

I've added the countries for.....well YOU know !

I'm not a great air traveller and there are times during a 9hr flight when my thoughts always turn to what the hell is keeping us all up in the air in the first place, never mind at 35,000ft.  Yes I know it's a couple of big engine thingys but you know what I mean.  What keeps THEM up ?!  As anyone who has jumped off a cliff will tell you, albeit through a complex of tubes and drips from their ER bed, gravity has a tendancy to bring you down to earth. Fast.

When I've become bored with watching the inflight movies on a 6in screen, the main meal has come and gone (down the toilet in most cases) and the flight attendants have given up trying to sell us duty free items (no cash please), I try to relax by wondering what it would be like to drop from this height.  Actually to be honest I do this just before setting off and I've decided that falling from a modern large plane would leave a bit of a mark even when it's still on the tarmac !

Once airborne, I look down at the vastness of the empty Atlantic and I have all sorts of thoughts; what if I survived a crash landing but had to fight off sharks or after a few days, hungry passengers ?  Would my cell phone get a signal 2,000 miles from Britain ?  Hardly likely when it doesn't in the highlands of Scotland.

We all remember Vesna Vulovic, the stewardess who, in 1972, survived the descent when the plane she was in blew up (thanks to there being a bomb on board) at 33,000 feet.  Well if she did it, so could I, I tell myself during my onboard musings.  I know, not really likely.

Like most people I'd like to know what thoughts go through your head while making a plunge earthwards from such a height as you must have plenty of time to think about things.  Did I turn off the cooker ?  What a waste buying that duty free booze ?  Is this going to hurt ?  Oh look, I can see my house from here.

Sadly the only person who could enlighten us, namely Vesna, has no memory of her incident so we'll never know.

But the one thing that has always lowered my stress and worry levels when 'my' plane has reached it's cruising height is that we rarely hear about planes having problems, accidental or man made, at this height.  Terrorism apart, the vast majority of incidents happen during take off and landing for obvious reasons.  I think that's why the report this morning affected me more than usual.  

My 'happy zone' period, the period during a flight when we're all up there and flying along serenely at 35,000ft, has been violated now.  I'm sure that on my next flight I'll be worried the whole time. 

Of course the missing plane might be found intact, floating on the ocean with all 228 passengers and crew safe inside and eating the meals and watching movies but I very much doubt it. Maybe they'll be on some unknown island which has 'special powers' over them. No, chances are they and the plane will never be found as there is a lot of water in the Atlantic.

As always, our thoughts go out to those left behind, those who were waiting at the other end for friends and family to arrive safely.  While we never want to be in that position ourselves, we don't ever want to be the ones in the plane even more.

A Load Of Tossers.

I'm fortunate enough to live a short distance from Roundhay Park, at 700 acres, one of the largest city parks in Europe.  I've posted a few photos and items about it on this blog before but it's such a wonderful city amenity that I make no apologies for posting about it again.

Sadly this post will be another bit of a rant and I promise I'll get down off my soapbox soon.

We had another gloriously warm, sunny day to bring the curtain down on May and so I decided to get some much needed exercise and combine it with seeing the park again.  I usually like to go there during the week when it's not so busy but needs must and all that, so I hoped that even a busy Sunday visit would still give me a good walk with lots of lovely scenery thrown in.

Yes I got a good walk (over 2 hrs worth) and the scenery WAS lovely but it was all spoilt by the tons of rubbish I saw everywhere within the park.

We really are a rubbish throwing nation and I don't know why but I wish it would stop.  We have rules about it but maybe we all know those rules aren't worth the discarded paper they're written on.  I'm sick and tired of being behind people, seeing them unwrapping everything from candy bars to cigarette packs and being 99% certain that the paper will be tossed away. 

Of course we are also a nation with precious few bins in our public spaces and one official in Roundhay Park once told me that was to stop terrorists from placing bombs in them !  So at least we now have a person to blame for all the litter in Leeds - Osama 'Bin' Laden.

Middle name a coincidence ? I don't think so !   

What bins I saw today were overflowing with garbage so I guess they don't get emptied at weekends.  Great, the busiest days of the week and no one empties the bins.  I'd still hope people would pick up their rubbish and take it home with them but it seems that few do.  The lovely lakeside paths and grassy slopes were littered with......litter.  Fast food packaging, crisp bags, plastic beer containers, cigarette packs, newspapers and worst of all, glass beer bottles were all over the place and as well as looking awful and spoiling the ambiance of the park, a lot of it was downright dangerous, given the many hundreds of children playing there.

I just don't get it.  Why ?  Why do people litter ?  

I tend to get a bit snobbish as I have to say the vast majority of the people I see throwing stuff away like this are low lifes.  Common even, if such a word means anything these days.  And of course if asked politely to pick up their rubbish, their comeback is verbal abuse at best and physical abuse at worst.  So we don't say anything and the littering continues as their children follow suit.  They just don't see it as an issue as they probably return to homes that don't look that much different - a rubbish tip with 3 bedrooms.

It was all summed up for me when I was looking over the lake from a raised area and noticed a family (mum, dad and 2 small kids) throwing bread into the water. For once there wasn't any wildlife at all in the lake but they'd obviously decided that as they'd brought a full bag of stale bread all that way, they were jolly well going to throw it all into the water.

Entire slices flew through the air and plopped in the lake.  The area around these people looked like an explosion in a bread factory. And the bag the bread came in ?  Oh it was last seen blowing away along the path as the family finished up and left the park. Yes I felt like picking it up and giving it back to them but the dad didn't look the sort to appreciate such a lesson in civic pride and so I just sighed and left the park myself.

Maybe overnight the magical litter fairies will wave their wands and all the litter will be gone by morning.  Anything has to be better than expecting Leeds Council to rush to do it !

Anyway I took some new photos and will add them below - because despite all the crap left by us humans, nature still puts on a good show in the park.








I also took a couple of panorama photos to try and show these particular views better. The last one was taken from a similar location to where I took the photo at the bottom of this blog. I prefer the autumnal view better of course but it's nice to be able to compare them.



So overall the park came out the winner again today but it was close. If the litter louts continue to spoil a good thing, then I fear for the park, for Leeds and most important for me, my blood pressure.

Not A PC Post

I may be using a PC to create this blog post but a few of the sentiments contained within it may not be classed as very PC !  I'm not out to offend anyone (much) but I need to vent, so here cometh the vent.

On the way into Leeds yesterday, the car was low on petrol and so as I was passing a station that is always on a list of ones having the lowest prices, I pulled in.  I was pleased to see they had the facilities for paying at the pumps - especially as there was a line of customers inside waiting to pay in person which is still the norm in this country.

So I read the simple instructions, put my card into the slot, entered my pin number, removed my card and filled 'er up.  I replaced the hose, pressed the button for a paper receipt and waited. And waited.  Nothing appeared and finally the display moved on to welcome the next customer.

Now I didn't actually need a receipt for any reason but as I was 'promised' one, I wanted it.  I also didn't want the next customer getting mine as has happened in the past so I went into the shop to see what could be done and if nothing else, get them to print me my receipt.

I joined the long line.

After a while I was one away from the counter. The overly suntanned guy in front of me was busy talking to the turban wearing attendant at a speed and pitch reserved for dogs and IPL wicket keepers so I knew I was in trouble.  Then it was my turn.

"Could I have a receipt for pump No.5 please ?"

The attendant, recently rejected for a Mumbai call centre position, looked blankly at me.  I guess he wasn't used to anyone speaking to him at all unless it was to ask for the price of a Mars bar and 2 packets of smokey bacon and pickled onion chips/crisps. I offered up a bit more information to try and help him understand.

"I paid at the pump by credit card but the machine didn't print my receipt so either it's faulty or more likely, its printer has run out of paper.  Can you print the receipt for me ?"

He looked at his screen, tried to swing it round towards me and with a combination of poor English and sign language, he either told me the machine at the pump prints the receipts or my chicken vindaloo was ready for collection.  I'm not sure which.

"No, that's my point.  The machine did NOT print my receipt as it's probably out of paper. Can you print it here ?"  I was rapidly losing it.

I mean it's not rocket science is it.  I'm not asking him the $million question here am I ?

He kept telling me, I think, that I should get the receipt from the machine although why that was being reinforced by his trying to show me his little screen was beyond me. Maybe it showed "receipt printed" or something.

I tried again and, as is usual in these situations, I spoke louder and more slowly !  Yeah, like that worked !

In the end he got the message but said he couldn't print the receipt on his machine and would have to give me a manual hand written one.  He didn't use those words of course as he hadn't got to that chapter in his "Basic English For Dummies" book.

So he left his assistant (ha !) in charge and went into the back.  Returning a while later with a pad of receipts, he asked how many litres did I get ?  Eh ?  How did I know !!  I told him the cost and he got out a calculator to work out the number of litres.  Now all this time I wished I'd not bothered as I knew I'd be scrunching up and tossing the receipt anyway but by now I was locked into getting it.

Reminding him again to get some paper in the machine, I left the shop berating myelf for even going in.

That was numpty No.1.

Numpty No.2 was at a Currys store in town.  Now as in America, electronic type stores (like Circuit City) are having a hard time these days with so many people buying their goods via the internet.  Many stores now look like they're going out of business and the staff display no enthusiasm about working there. 

Still, that's not my problem and I was prepared to make someones day by actually making a purchase.

"Can I help you, sir ?" said the middle aged and yet still spotty faced employee with as much feeling and sincerity as he could muster.

"Yes I'd like to buy something that copies a vhs tape to a dvd via a computer."

"Ohhh tapes are old technology now sir.  Nobody wants them anymore."

"No shit, Sherlock, that's why I want to copy mine to dvd, you silly little man." 

I thought that but didn't actually say it.  What I did say was.......

"Yes I know that but what do you have that will let me copy tapes to a computer?"

"Oh there is nothing to do that, sir.  Old technology you know."

"Look you puss faced blethering idiot, there are at least 4 products on the market for copying tapes to dvd so you need to go away and be retrained so you know what you're talking about or better still, just go away."

Again those were only my thoughts.   

I walked away and searched the shelves and found Dazzle - a product for copying vhs tapes to dvd via your computer.  I took it to Mr. Numpty and amazed him by showing him something which in his world, didn't exist.

"Didn't know we had that.  Not my dept, you see."

"Not your career either, matey."

I decided to call it a day and came home before meeting punker No.3.  I just knew he would be out there somewhere so he'll have to wait for another day.

I hate 'real world' shopping as it is and these people only make me want to use the internet more. I ordered a new rechargeable toothbrush, a dvd and a combination microwave oven via Amazon and now waiting for the delivery is a bit like being a kid at Christmas.

No numptys, no language problems and something to unwrap. Oh and free shipping.

When they start selling petrol over the internet, my life will be complete !

A Sign Of The Times

Being the world traveller that I am (cough, cough), I'm sure many countries have variations on pedestrian crossing signs.  Well except in India where it seems to me anything goes when it comes to traffic and crossing the road and you just close your eyes and make a dash for it.  I think it's their sole method of population control !  

But when I'm dragged kicking and screaming from my car and have to perform as a pedestrian for a while, I'm used to road crossing signs with a symbol of a hand or a little standing still man or a walking man or something similar in either red or green to indicate I can or cannot cross the road. I can even understand the WALK/DON'T WALK signs in US cities, although when they flash as well, I don't take that as a command as such but maybe that's the dull Brit in me coming to the fore. I compromise and cross the road with a somewhat jaunty gait. 

So when I was in London recently and wanted to cross the road at the corner of Green Park leading down to Buckingham Palace, I was puzzled to see this variation.


I wasn't sure if I needed to move on to another crossing point in case this one was reserved for Charles and Phil The Greek when they go to the pub on an evening and don't want to use the Bentley. In the end I went with the flow, literally, and crossed with several other bemused tourists, some of whom were eagerly flipping through the pages of their guide books looking for an explanation for this sign.  Good luck with that, I thought.

Many things about sightseeing in London must befuddle tourists from different countries, cultures and customs but crossing the road shouldn't have to be one of them.

But if some redneck horse wants to cross the road to get to Buckingham Palace to visit a distant relative that has bettered itself in the UK, then in the immortal words of Bill Engvall......"here's your sign" !!!

This Doorbell Has To Go !!!

Following on from my recent post about my possessed doorbell, I now have to inform you about my enchanted toothbrush !

I've got one of those Braun rechargeable toothbrushes that stutters a bit after 2 minutes to let you know that you've been brushing for 2 minutes and if you don't stop, you'll be through the enamel and about to clean the raw nerves.  Never a good thing although a clean nerve is probably a good nerve.

A week or so ago that feature stopped working and being so used to it, I suddenly realised it was lunchtime and I was still cleaning my teeth. Then a few days ago when I removed the toothbrush from the charging unit, it wouldn't work at all.  No amount of threats or cajolling worked and it remained resolutely dead.  An ex toothbrush.  Kicked the bucket.  Bereft of life.  Joined the bleedin' choir invisible !

I knew that rechargeable gadgets have a life and on the Braun site it said that my toothbrush would only last for 3-5 years and then be as useful as an ex parrot.  And mine was.  

Like I said, that was a few days ago and every so often since then, I'd give it another good talking to and numerous violent, if not very techologically reasonable, shakes.  Like the careers of Cannon & Ball, it remained dead. 

So this afternoon I decided to buy another toothbrush and looked for the best deal online. As they gave a good price with free shipping, I duly gave my credit card details to Amazon and probably several hackers in Kenya.  

At this point Daphne came in for a cup of tea and a chat after tending to my garden and as I still had the toothbrush in my hand, I told her the sad story. Wanting to show her just what a dead rechargeable toothbrush was like so that she could add it to her list of life experiences,  I pressed the on button for the 200th time in the last few days.  Nothing happened.

Well what did you expect, dear reader ?   Nope, it didn't burst into life. Nothing so obvious.

As I was talking and therefore, being a man, unable to do two things at once, I didn't turn it off. A few seconds later, the damn thing did burst into life and there I stood, open mouthed, with this vibrating thing in my hand.  Oh behave !!

Yes it spluttered at first.  In fact it ran slowly for about 3 seconds and stopped, started up again and stopped and basically took about 30 seconds of this starting and stopping before it finally came up to full speed and stayed going. 

"You bastard", I shouted, somewhat unreasonably.  "Why couldn't you have done this 5 minutes ago before I bought a new one ?????"

I think it's been in cahoots with my possessed doorbell as remember it was coming out with "testing, testing 1-2-3".  There is some sort of demonic bluetoothing going on here, I suspect. The machines are rising up, I tells ya.

I haven't cancelled the Amazon order as I still think the toothbrush, even rising from its deathbed as it has, is on its way out.   

What's worrying me is what device the doorbell is going to mess with next.  The tv ?  The vacuum cleaner ?   My mp3 player ?

I'm just glad my car's brakes aren't electronic !

Happy Anniversary

I'm not in the habit of wishing a happy wedding anniversary to family and friends, never mind total strangers but I'll make an exception today.

For the last few years, on May 26, British tv news programs and newspapers have been telling us about Frank and Anita Milford and what wedding anniversary they are celebrating now.  I remember first seeing these reports and articles when they had been married for 78 years and finding out that there is no specific 'gift' or gem stone or choice of flowers or anything past 75.

I thought that was very sad although Frank & Anita didn't seem to care much by then !

So down in Devon today they're still kissing and cuddling (only before bedtime don't you know) and celebrating their 81st wedding anniversary, a fact that blows my mind !  It must be to do with the clotted cream and the old phrase about even murderers getting less of a sentence comes to mind.

Next month they'll both be 101 so it's not as if they rushed into marriage at a young age !   They hold the current record for the oldest married couple as well as the longest married couple and who knows what records they'll hold as the years go by. They'll have to hang around for another 4 years to equal the world record for being married which stands at 85 and although 4 years isn't normally a long time to wait for something, it damn well is when you're 101 already !  Bless.

So if I was a drinking man, I'd raise my glass today to Frank and Anita.  Maybe I'll do it later with a can of Pepsi Max. I think convention goes out the window with these numbers. If they do look like making it to 85, I think something much more than a BBC report or a few newspaper articles should be planned for them.

Something relevant.  Something appropriate.  Something they both might need.

Like an all expenses paid trip to Reno !

If You're Gonna Jump, Jump.

This news item caught my attention today.  

As a few of our expenses fiddling MPs are supposed to be considering 'jumping' from their jobs in light of the scandal, I'd lke to volunteer as the UK's version of Mr. Lai and give them a helping push.

I'd save time by not even bothering with the handshake greeting first !

Is Anyone Out There ???

Once upon a time, well a few years ago actually, I bought a wireless doorbell. The push button bit went on my doorframe and the 'bell' unit was like a big plug and slotted into a spare power point in the kitchen. It was a nice doorbell and for a while, it worked just fine.  I was a happy wireless doorbell owner.

Then bizarre things started to happen.  The doorbell would ring when there was no one at the door. Kids playing old fashioned games ?  In this day and age ?  Hardly.  When it went off while I was in the kitchen and so I could 100% see that there was no one at the door, I knew something had to be done.

My brilliant idea was that someone locally had a similar doorbell and so I went for a walk around the streets checking for the tell tale unit on a doorframe.

I didn't find one.

And so the mystery continued.  Thankfully the doorbell only went off like this a couple of times a month at most and never overnight so it wasn't too much of a nuisance.

Then I was outside one day when a neighbour 2 houses down from me came home from work, pulled onto his drive and used his remote car key to lock his car.  And my doorbell rang !!

Mystery solved.  My bell was obviously on the same frequency as his key fob. I didn't know why it only went off infrequently but never mind.  I was ok with that.  I switched the frequency setting and thought that was the end of it.  Then 2 years ago I bought my first ever car with remote door locking.

I think you're probably ahead of me by now.  Yep, MY fob set off my doorbell.  Not always, but enough times to be a pain as often I'd lock my car from inside the house.

Then it was October and when I went to America for the winter I disconnected all electrical items including the doorbell unit.  I just placed it on top of the microwave and that was it.  When I came home the tiny battery in the doorframe unit had died and I never got round to replacing it.  Things went back to the old days and people just knocked on the door.  That was fine by me.

So now it's earlier this week and I'm fixing breakfast in the kitchen.  

I live alone. The tv isn't on yet and since my DIY surgery with the electric drill, I'm not prone to hearing those little voices in my head anymore. 

"Testing 1-2-3.  Testing 1-2-3".

WTF ???   I have a small kitchen and as I was standing close to the microwave I knew exactly where the voice was coming from.  The doorbell unit !!

Now here's the thing; it wasn't plugged in and as far as I was aware, it could only emit a ding dong type noise - certainly not a voice as clear as......well as a bell I guess.  But there it was.  My doorbell had morphed into a walkie talkie or maybe a baby monitor and one that powered itself.

So now I keep it on the table here next to me and every so often I pick it up and whisper into it.......

"I'm here.  When you're ready, get in touch.  And please, whatever you are, come in peace."

I think I need to cancel my subscription to the Sci-fi channel.

Some Sheep Shopping.

There are hundreds of cute shops in small picturesque towns and villages in The Lake District. It's just that sort of place.  Yes they can be touristy at times but come on, everyone has to make a living and tourism benefits us all.

(I hope my check from the English Tourist Board is in the post).

I like The Lake District.  I like cute shops. I also like sheep.  Ergo, I like sheep IN cute shops IN the Lake District. 

And here are some I found last week. 


They were spread out over the store but I herded them together for this group shot.

Given the sweet goodies behind them, I suspect those are guilty smiles on their faces.  When questioned, they said they were the store security sheep but I think they were pulling the wool over my eyes.

They're sheep.  That's their job.

A Fuzzy Bridge Over Murky Waters

On our recent trip to London, I noticed a few changes, as you'd expect when visiting a capital city for the first time in several years.

One of the best was the new Millennium Bridge across The Thames which as well as looking quite nice compared to all the older bridges, gives a fantastic view and walk over to St. Paul's Cathedral and lends itself to unusual photographs......when it's not too crowded.

Here it is in all it's glory on a sunny May Day.  Click on it for the full effect.

Surf's Up, Dude

Last night I was on the internet as usual and wanted something 'pretty' to look at on the tv as background.  When in my armchair with the laptop on my.....well my lap.........I just have to raise my eyes a few centimeters above the screen and can see the tv.

I looked on my online tv guide and saw a program on a BBC channel called "South Pacific" about the islands and peoples of that region and I thought that would provide some of the 'pretty' viewing I wanted.

Did it ever.  After watching it for a few minutes, I forgot the internet and sat entranced for the next 10 minutes until I decided to look for the show on the BBC iPlayer in case it was up there in HD......and it was.  My tv set isn't HD but my laptop screen is and so I watched the rest of the program on the laptop.

There was a particularly stunning clip of a surfer inside a wave and although I've seen those before, I've never seen one in super slo-mo in HD before - I think this was a first actually.

Even if you don't have HD it's still well worth a watch and although the BBC iPlayer can't be seen outside the UK for copyright reasons, they've put the clip up on YouTube and here it is.  If you want to see how it was done, there is a 10 minute version up there too.

It may be best to click on the title with the 5 stars at the top and be taken to the clip in YouTube itself as then you'll see it as it was intended.......in HD and in widescreen.

Enjoy.

Hello Mr. Chips

As I said in a previous post, when we were up in The Lake District last week, we went to Coniston Water and popped out onto the lake for a spin in a steam yacht.

All that lack of exercise gave us raging appetites and so once back on dry land, we headed for a local hostelry for a bite to eat.  I was anticipating several bites but then I'm just a glutton.

A bit of local knowledge took us to the Black Bull Inn & Hotel and what a gem it was.  At over 400 years old, it had all the atmosphere of a really very old place indeed and for some bizarre reason, we had it just about all to ourselves. Normally it's packed to the oak beams so we struck lucky I guess.

Anyway after a lot of thinking, I picked the Cumberland sausage with chips (fries to my US readers) and as Daphne ordered something with chips as well, our portions came together in one basket.  I'm telling you this in case you think I ate the lot you see in this photo all by myself. Actually if memory serves me right, Daphne ate like a pig and I only had one or two chips. 

I have a VERY selective memory.

I don't often post photos of the food I eat (whadyamean I do ??) but in this case I know some of my ex-pat readers will drool over both the sausage AND the chips.  Yep they were just as yummy as they look - probably the bestest chips I've ever eaten and I've eaten plenty in my time. Go on, enlarge the photo and have a good look at those golden chips, chips that actually contain potato.

I've no idea how that unhealthy salad stuff got on there as there is no way I ordered it.  Damned cheek.

To say I'd recommend this place would be putting it mildly.  If you're ever in Europe or even close, like say in Asia, you must visit this pub. It's also historically interesting as it seems this is where Donald Campbell had a chip buttie before he went off to try and break the world water speed record on Coniston Water in 1967.

Being a man's man, I bet they didn't sneak any bloody salad onto HIS plate !

Food, Glorious Food

There might well be a few short food posts coming over the next few days as on our Barrow trip we did eat lots of jolly good food.  Local stuff you know, not particularly healthy, but fresh, filling and to use words never heard on posh tv cooking shows, bloody yummy.

We got off to a great start on the drive up to Barrow and had only been going for about 75 minutes when we stopped at our usual half way eatery, the Country Harvest.  It's hard to describe this place and in many ways it's like a Cracker Barrel in the US as you pass through a store before getting to the eating area. The difference would be that the store contains food items not to be found in any Cracker Barrel and indeed items not to be found in any other store in the UK !!

Anyway rather than try to describe it in words, here is a little 5 minute video I took of the place which gives a much better idea of its layout and I think its charm comes through as well.

If you are ever travelling along the A65 and are approaching Ingleton, do drop in. You won't be disappointed and even if you leave with an empty wallet, you'll have a full stomach. 

(There is a bit of wind noise (not from me !!) at the start of the video but it only lasts a few seconds so I left it in).

Country Harvest Restaurant from Silverback on Vimeo.

Spooky Times In The Lake District.

We got back from Barrow yesterday just in time for me to watch Leeds blowing their chances of getting promoted and so 'we' have to face another long season playing exciting games against teams like Southend and Brentford.  Sighhhhh.

Anyway I've picked out a few pics from the hundreds I took while up in the lower Lake District area and first up is the Gondola, a steam powered yacht that takes tourists for trips along Coniston Water, the lake where the late Donald Campbell failed in his attempt to break his own water speed record in 1967. He was on the return leg of his attempt and had reached approx 320mph when his jet powered boat, Bluebird K7, lifted off the water, flipped over and disintegrated. His body was finally recovered from the lake in 2001 and was buried in Coniston cemetery.


Our speed on Tuesday was a bit slower, by about 320 mph in fact, but as it was pretty windy, it was fast enough for me !!  The lake is 5 miles long, half a mile wide and has a max depth of 184 ft. It was looking it's best in the spring sunshine and sitting outside on The Gondola was a lovely way to spend an hour cruising it's length.


I love driving along the narrow roads around the Lake District as the views are so spectacular. They may not be wide enough to take US style RV's but in my little Clio, it was fun to take the corners at speed and still have time to take in the scenery. However, the area can be a driver's nightmare in high summer as thousands of cars vie with caravans for road space and going from A to B can be a miserable journey, despite the views out the windows.

Here is a typical view along the road and even without a lake to look at, clearly shows what I'm talking about.


On Wednesday we drove a few miles north from Barrow to take a 7 mile trip on the Ravenglass & Eskdale Steam Railway line, have a meal and a walk at the Dalegarth end and then climb aboard a different train for the return trip through the Eskdale valley.

The 4 locomotives which run on the 15" gauge line are like mini trains pulling mini carriages. These carriages are a mix of fully enclosed, open but with a roof and fully open. On the outward leg, all the fully open seats were taken and so we plumped for the 'open with a roof' option as it was cloudy but dry at the time and this still allowed for some cover in the event of a drop of rain and gave unobstructed views to the left and right. We were on the River Esk for this leg, a locomotive built in 1923, and hopefully you'll get a good idea of it's size from it's driver crouching next to it doing vital greasing before the trip. Of the engine that is.



As you can see from the clothing of the people in the fully open seats, it was pretty cold and there was rain in the air....for the return trip !

At each end of the track, the locomotives would be detatched from the lead carriage and moved along to a circular turning area and simply pushed around to go the other way - much like San Francisco trolley cars.


The locomotive being turned in the above photo, the River Irt, was the one we had for the return leg to Ravenglass and is the oldest 15" gauge locomotive in the world, having been built in 1892. It was a fun ride for sure and even a few spits of rain didn't dampen our enjoyment.

While at Eskdale and after our meal at the train station, we walked a short distance to see St. Catherine's Parish Church, beside the River Esk. There has been a place of worship at this location since the 7th century but the present church was built in 1125 and restored in 1881. The oldest grave headstone I found was dated 1768 and given the number of names on it, graves back then were dug to hold multiple family members. Obviously a very close community !!

Americans may recognise the name of The Rev. who officiates at the weekly services !


Speaking of headstones, we found one for the Benson family who lived locally in the 19th century but must've suffered from some type of 19th century Swine Flu epidemic. Jonathan and his wife, Hannah, had one son and five daughters who all died between 1859 and 1864. 1862 was a particularly sad year for poor old Jonathan, as he lost Hannah and their 14 year old daughter in October and another daughter and their only son in December. Jonathan survived them all and lived till 1877 when he jumped into the last spot in the grave at the ripe old age, for the times, of 71.

That was one deep grave - hopefully.

All this talk of death brings me to my final photo and very appropriate it is too. We were inside the church and strange goings ons were going on. It was a small church (a congregation of 10-20 at the weekly service) and being fully stone built, was probably cold enough at the best of times. On Wednesday it seemed particularly cold to me and I found myself shivering quite a lot, especially when we were walking up and down the aisle. I went up onto the pulpit to get a nice photo looking down to the back of the church and this is what I got and I'll leave you to draw your own conclusions.


I'll post the occasional photo from our Barrow trip from time to time as a few do deserve a post on their own. Oh yes they do !

Thank you to everyone who made it so special; Amy, Frank, Leslie and of course, my long suffering travelling companion, Daphne.

From Your Barrow Correspondent.......

It's all gone a bit dark here in Barrow which isn't surprising considering its almost midnight. I came up to this far flung corner of The Empire on Monday, with Daffy, and we leave again tomorrow so that I can be home to watch Leeds progress to the final of the League One footy payoffs.

I think I can speak for us both, and often do, when I say we've had a wonderful time, helped, in no small measure by unseasonably fabby weather. It's been like mid May in fact.

"It IS mid May, you berk !"

Oh so it is.

To be more accurate, we've been staying with an old friend who lives on the outskirts of Barrow and on this trip, so far, we've never actually gone into the town. Not much to see really and as this trip was to be about scenic countryside, Barrow fails somewhat on that criteria anyway.

And scenic countryside we've jolly well had......in bucketfuls. We've had 3 days of it by going a few miles each day into parts of the lower Lake District never before seen by yours truly. We've been on a steam driven boat, a steam driven train and toured around in my steam driven car. Ok petrol driven maybe but I didn't want to spoil the moment.

We've also eaten like royalty, if royalty ever bothered to eat good, freshly prepared food in a pub. Can't see Phil The Greek doing that somehow. We've had lovely company from time to time (thank you Amy, Frank & Leslie) and we've slept like 10 year olds who have worn themselves out by playing outside till they were called in for supper and then bed. Walking miles will do that to you.

Daphne brought along her dongle (oh stop sniggering and Google it) but sadly it not only wouldn't work on my laptop but messed it up so much I had to do a system restore. Never one to put all her technological eggs in one basket, she also brought her Eee with her and so I'm now using it, with the previously mentioned dongle, to access the net and create this post. Daffy, on the other hand, has been using her Blackberry to keep in touch with the world beyond Barrow and it has been very useful as soon after we got here, her son-in-law had to have emergency surgery as his appendix blew up and filled up his stomach with 2 quarts of......well you might be eating so I'll spare you more details. Using the Blackberry to keep in touch with all things medical has been
a Godsend.

So with all this technology at our disposal where are the photos, I hear you ask ? Where are the videos of this stunning countryside I also hear you ask ?

Patience, mon petite readers de blog. I'm having so much fun that such things will have to wait till I get home. The photos and videos are all safely stored on my laptop and I COULD use my flashdrive to copy them across to this Eee but this thing runs Linux and I'm such a Windows man that I thought Linux was a character from Peanuts ! So although I could get the photos on here, I wouldn't have a clue where they'd gone or how to get at them to upload to this blog. Basically without Windows Explorer, I'm like Stevie Wonder wearing sunglasses in a dark room....at midnight.

Yes I know I could upload them from the flashdrive but that would involve work and like I said, I'm here for fun and so you'll have to wait a day or so longer.

So that's the update. I'm in my bed with the Eee on my lap and thanks to this amazing dongle thingy, I can surf the world. What an age we live in. I feel like Jack Bauer.

Except he wouldn't be caught dead in Barrow.