A Developing Story

I was chatting online with my Eastern European gardener this morning (hard to get true blue staff these days) and when she mentioned that she would email me some photos of her progress, it got me to thinking about all things digital.....in relation to photography.

For some years now, newcomers to photography have never known what it was like to take photos, finish 'the roll', take it to be developed and then, often several days later, pick up the resulting prints.

Ahhhhh such levels of excitement and expectation ! It was like a mini Christmas morning for me every time. What would I get ? Would I like what I'd get ? Would I even get what I'd taken or what some stranger had taken and if so, how exciting would THOSE photos be ??!!

Then there were those times when I'd find a roll down the sides of the sofa and have no idea what might be on it. If there was a little bit sticking out of the canister, then it was unexposed and what joy. Photos still to be taken. No bit sticking out meant the roll had already been exposed and unknown photos were awaiting. Even more joy.

Yes all things were possible. After picking up my prints and checking they WERE actually my prints, then I'd flip quickly through them to count how many of the 24 or 36 had 'come out.' This flip through would also reveal if I'd received the dreaded yellow sticker saying a photo was over or under exposed and so hardly worth printing but in order to give the processing staff a good old laugh and teach me a lesson, they'd printed it anyway. Ohhhh the shame !

Sometimes anger replaced shame as I felt the staff should've known that leaving the lens cap on was a genuine photographic technique which had to be regularly practised to get it just right !

In my little home town of Ballymoney in Norn Iron, I took my filim (sic) to the local chemist for processing. No Supasnaps or Truprint in those sepia days. Usually it took over a week to get the results back and despite knowing this, I'd be in every day to check for them to be ready. What the hell did they do ? One print a day ? Where did they send them ? Mongolia ?

Knowing that every photo cost money and that the wait to see the results took so long certainly focused the mind as well as the camera lens. Many potential shots were lined up in the viewfinder but few were chosen. Many were lined up upside down as well but that's going back even further and was a characteristic of the Box Brownie I started with. The original black box recorder. When I see kids turning their compact cameras and smart phones around to take self portraits and complaining how hard it is, I feel like saying.....try doing THAT with a Box Brownie !

I remember the Brownie shutter being activated via a little metal lever on the side of the box that one moved down and the mechanism made a satisfying click when the lever sprung back up and the photo was taken. Then you knew you'd just spent 5p or whatever it cost per photo and for another 10p each you would see the result sometime the following week.

By the time I went to boarding school, the photographic bug had me gripped. I was over the moon when I discovered the school had a Photographic Society with its own darkroom and phase 2 of my hobby could start.......processing my own filims. Such fun.

The first print I ever developed was sadly consigned to the waste bin many decades ago but, unlike most things, I do remember it. It was a photo of the front of the school church as, with the mountain in the background and the recently completed church brickwork still gleaming in the late summer sunshine, it was a 'must take' Kodak shot. With the filim developed, I lined up the negative in the enlarger and composed the print I wanted. I turned off the enlarger light and in the red glow from the safety light, I removed a sheet of photographic paper from its protective black envelope and placed it carefully on the frame under the enlarger lens.

I flicked the enlarger switch and light flowed from it, through the lens and down onto the paper below.

"One elephant, two elephant, three elephant, four elephant, five elephant............"

(Doesn't everyone count seconds using elephants ??)

Finally after a few more elephants, I flicked off the enlarger light and took a long deep breath. Bathed in a red glow, I picked up the seemingly blank sheet of photographic paper (A4 Matt Bromide or something) and carefully placed it into the shallow bath of developing liquid.....which we in the trade called developer.

I tilted the tray from side to side to slosh the precious liquid over the print and bent closer to watch the miracle unfolding before my very eyes. Small details started to appear as if by magic. Little by little the school church and its surroundings developed until (and herein lies the skill of the DIY developer) I picked the moment when it had developed enough and using a pair of tongs, I quickly whipped it out and into the stop bath which for us, was just a tray of water. This would clear the developer off the print and stop further processing. After a few seconds of swishing the print in the water tray, it would be moved along into a tray of fixing liquid (yes you've guessed it....known as fixer to us professionals) to seal the image so that it could be looked at in proper light without turning black.

Woe betide any print which missed the fixing stage as you'd turn on the main darkroom light and watch as your masterpiece would swiftly morph from a lovely vivid outdoor scene to what looked like a photo of the black hole of Calcutta taken with the lens cap on.....at night. I did this many times.

Of course this description is a memory conceived after many earlier failed attempts to process the perfect print and a few steps have also been left out - I mean this isn't supposed to be a blog post about comprehensive DIY darkroom techniques or anything. But my first successfully developed print was such a thrill that I do remember it well.

Now I was free from having to wait for others to process my filim and develop my prints and even better, I had creative control over which photos TO print and also the ability to enlarge those areas I really wanted.

I'm sure there are still photographers who do all this today. They probably refer working with b&w images too. Me ? Oh I've embraced the digital age in a big way but I've never forgotten my roots. Despite the ability to snap anything and everything and it not costing a penny to see the results, I rarely do so. Unless someone is jumping from a building and just can't wait for me to get to a good vantage point with the sun behind me etc, I still take time over my photos and compose them as if someone else is going to process them. The days of the dreaded yellow sticker may be long gone but I still hate to see a blurred or badly composed shot on my computer. I'm probably overly self critical but I never stop learning and still take great satisfaction from what I regard as a good photo.

These days with so much post processing being possible, my creative juices can still flow despite me sitting comfortably in my armchair and using software products like Photoshop.

But nothing can come close to the thrill of standing in a usually cold damp basement room (easier to make 100% lightproof) watching your photo appearing before you in a tank of developer. The yute of today can scoff at such memories and maybe I'm a photographic snob but when I look at hundreds of photos on Facebook albums showing blurred up close shots of people in bars and at parties where you can just make out a nose hair or a zit on the chin of a friend or see a lamp post or flag pole 'growing' out of someone's head at a tourist site, I have a little sigh and think to myself that if I was printing that image old school, I'd be only too happy to have it bypass the fixer stage !!

Anyway, gotta go.....got a steak on the grill.

95 elephant, 96 elephant, 97 elephant..............

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives

This is the title of a show on The Food Network where a fast talking, punk haired guy goes around America visiting these iconic eating places and takes us behind the scenes to see how their signature menu items are prepared. And then he tastes them all !

Considering the composition and size of these speciality items and despite only (seeming) to take a few bites of each one, I'm amazed he's not obese but maybe he spits the food out when the cameras stop rolling or goes into the restroom to.....well you know.

Anyway after last night, I'm in NO position to cast the first stone.....or maraschino cherry.

After a gruelling Sunday afternoon game of golf played out in the mid 80's heat, I was pretty much wrecked yesterday evening. With the temp still above 80F in the house, we didn't fancy cranking up the stove for a meal and so Deb and I went out for supper. I'd actually had something earlier (by now it was 8:30pm) so only wanted a nice dessert but Deb wanted a proper meal as she's not had any supper at all.

The first place along US-27N that we approached was The Sebring Diner which we'd been to twice before and hadn't been impressed. If you checkout the photo on the link, you'll see it certainly LOOKS the part and at night, can almost be seen from space !

As we really wanted fast food in the less usual interpretation of the word, we pulled in. The place is open 24/7 and during the day, you usually have to stand in line for a seat. At almost 9pm last night, there was no such wait and only a few tables were occupied. A good start.

The dessert section of the menu (again see that link above) wasn't exactly comprehensive and after asking what was included in a chocolate float and deciding it wasn't for me, I was persuaded to try the banana split, especially after our server said it would be 'huge.'

Now I usually take size comments with a certain amount of scepticism but when an American server says a food portion will be huge, I'm prepared to be impressed if not totally overwhelmed.

Our orders were taken and while the chef worked on preparing Deb's cheeseburger deluxe ($4.99) with onion rings ($1.79), I watched as our server went behind the long diner counter and got out the ingredients for my split. She worked like one of those assembly line robots that can put together the tricky parts of a car in 20 seconds as her arms were just a blur adding scrumptious sweet item after sweet item to create my dessert.

Slice...went the bananas to form the base.

Gloop...went the generous dollops of vanilla, chocolate and strawberry ice cream.

Plop...went the pineapple and strawberry extras.

Squirt...went the whipped cream on top of each ice cream dollop.

Ooouse...went the chocolate sauce over the whipped cream.

Sprinkle...went the nuts.

Boingg...went the 3 maraschino cherries to top off the delight.

The server came along with this structure and placed it in front of me and immediately I felt like asking for a few more spoons and inviting the other customers to tuck in ! OMG it was huge and all for $4.29.


Thankfully this photo was taken before I started to tuck in as after a few seconds, it looked completely different !

For one thing, I made the mistake of running the spoon ACROSS the dessert to scoop up a little bit of every ingredient and although this worked well in a taste sense, it was a disaster in a construction sense. After a few "runnings", I'd seriously eroded the foundations and the edifice started to slowly collapse towards me. With an undignified splat, my glorious dessert ended up in a muddled heap that although still tasting awesome, lost all of its impressiveness.

At least after that it was much easier to get a spoonful of every ingredient as it was actually harder NOT to.

Deb had a few small spoonfuls but I hold up my hands on this one......I basically ate the lot all by myself. I told myself that it contained one or two of my "5-a-day" intake and I'm still pretty much convinced that in some parallel universe, 3 huge dollops of assorted ice cream with whipped cream, nuts, chocolate sauce and cherries on top HAS to be healthy !

Anyway as far as reviewing this diner is concerned, my dessert was top notch and for the price, was amazing value. From my cardiologist's point of view, maybe not so good

Debs burger wasn't anything to write home about so the jury is still out on this place....although to be fair, it's a diner offering diner food at diner prices !

Receiving that much ice cream and other goodies so late at night, my stomach protested a bit before bedtime.

And as it's now noon the next day and I've had no breakfast AND I'm still not in the least bit hungry, I guess it's been really value for money.

The dessert that just keeps on giving.

Probably a coronary.

Moonshine In The American Deep South

Ok so the title may be a bit misleading as all I want to do is post a photo of the moon as seen just now in normally-sunny-but-now-quite-dark-Buttonwood Bay.

And here it is...............


If you want info about the OTHER moonshine, I'm not yer man.

That is all. Goodnight.

The Long Hot Days Of New Summer

We all know that Florida is a two season state and given the weather recently, we are now in the process of moving from "warm if occasionally cool" summer to "hot and humid and OMG my thong just melted" summer.

We are fast approaching the days when even factor 96 sunblock is as much use as extra virgin olive oil and you step outside your house at your peril. Eggs are self cooking, geckos pass out, birds cry 'oh for fuck sake' and drop from the skies and I, being the racial stereotype that I am, naturally like to go out in the midday sun.

Today, however, I went on my bike.

Ever since that infamous day in Austria (circa 1972) when I rented a bike for the day and came back looking like a member of the lesser known but equally untalented Red Man Group, I've known that bike riding and hot sunny type sun do not mix.

The problem, you see, is that when on a bike and peddling around glorious countryside like Lance Armstrong on steroids (IF such a thing should ever have happened....he adds quickly), one has one's normal good sense about the harmful power of a strong sun diluted by the cool, refreshing air that is fooling one's body and mind into thinking it's really not that hot at all.

Then one stops for a rest and.....SWEET JESUS AND MARY MOTHER OF GOD THE PAIN....THE BURNING......THE FOLDS OF SKIN ON THE TARMAC.......

But I did learn, dear reader, yes I did. Now when it's hot and I want a bike ride, I only stay out for a maximum of 6 hours and I always wear long socks. Shirt and tie ? Nope, not for this rebel !

Anyway today my bike ride was just a few hundred yards to the Cafe on the Lake and I'm sure I'll suffer more in the long term from the large hot dog (with onions) that I purchased than from any effects during my relatively short time in the burning midday sun.

Glancing at the temp display beside me, it's hit 85.8F (29.8888889c) outside......wait.......85F......wait......86.3F.

It's one of those days. One of those lovely days that takes me back to another lovely day when I felt this hot. Cue wavy computer screen and swirly type music as the image changes to.....

My first memory of being hot and out in the sun was at school, boarding school. Being pseudo posh, we had tennis courts and during free time between A Level exams, I loved to get out my club and whack a few shuttlecocks. I still wonder why I was rarely picked for the doubles !

I do remember one occasion when I was on court for some time and finally came off to encounter longer and stranger stares than usual from my fellow students who, during exams, tended to sit out on the grass doing their revising. (It has to be said that grass would play a role in the next few years of their education but I'm not one to judge people).

I got to my room, glanced in the mirror and my balls dropped. Again. I should've used a bag but I only had 3 and felt comfortable holding them in my hands. Think I'm digging a hole here........

My face was as red as a politician who just kissed the wrong end of a baby and was then informed it was 32 yr old midget. That was my first experience of sunburn and if what they say is true, it may still come back to haunt me in the future. If not, the Austrian bike ride certainly removed any lingering doubts. I'm doomed, I tells ya....doomed.

So call me foolish or just think of it as accepting the inevitable but I plan on going out into the sun again after publishing this post. Come on...you only live once and who needs skin anyway ? I think it's over rated. It'll be all old and wrinkly soon enough and right now, while it still has some semblance of elasticity in it, I want it tanned. Not burned. Tanned. I'd just like to be the later without experiencing the former.

But I have the same problem as in previous years and it's all down to being a teeny tiny bit overweight. Oi...sod off whoever said obese there ! Cheek. It's my glands. They've very active.

S'not my fault. And I'm on medication. Everyone knows pills are fattening.

As a result of this glandular problem (shut up), I rarely (never) shed my top even at the swimming pool. By the time I return to Blighty, my face, neck and extremities will be nicely tanned but the rest of my body will be as white as a polar bear wearing very white pyjamas. Thankfully I don't plan on revealing THOSE parts of my body when in the UK either so I'll still be expecting jealous looks and greetings like "wow where have you spent the last 6 months then, nicely tanned man ? Dates and invites to parties will inevitably follow.

So in summary, what have we all learned today ?

Well biking and the sun should be mutually exclusive.

Austria can be very hot. Very beautiful, but very hot.

Temps in F are much bigger than temps in C.

Using a shuttlecock will not win you any games in tennis...or partners.

Grass and education go hand in hand.

And finally.....

....if you don't want them to drop, always carry your balls in a bag.

You know it makes sense.

What's In A Name

Every time we head along US-27 to pastures North from Sebring, we come across a sign for the wonderfully optimistic town name of Frostproof. Frostproof has had a few frosty mornings over the decades but it was originally named to show that such events were/are far and few between for business, tourism and ranching purposes.

Maybe Frostresiliant would be more accurate but not as memorable.

Not much further away is the town of Christmas and by now we're beginning to realise that Florida town namers were a witty bunch with too much time on their hands. Except for whoever named the area south of Tampa as Rattlesnake ! Not a place I'd wish to visit for sure.

But I come from a land down under....no wait that's a song lyric ! I come from a land, nay an empire, of bizarrely named towns and villages so Frostproof and Christmas are merely slightly amusing to me.

How about Bachelors Bump to set the ball rolling and I bet Bareleg Hill raised a few eyebrows in Edwardian times. Wash Dyke is not a command but a town in Norfolk and I'd like to know what inhabitants of Ugley call themselves ?! How about a meeting of the Ugley Town Council ? The jokes are numerous and I'm sure the locals have heard them all.

But just sticking with rude names for this post, there is a small group of "T" towns that really should be twinned with each other. The Bush, The Furry, The Knob and Thong seem to have been made for each other and I for one would love to see (and photograph) the "twinned with" signs at their entry points.

Slackbottom may want to get its twinning application sent off to Thong as that would be another match made in Heaven......except Heaven (and Hell) is a place in Michigan.

You wouldn't catch me swimming in Piddle River in Dorset (although it could be twinned with North Piddle in Worcestershire) but then again, despite the name, it may not even have a river. Same goes for Penistone !

Body parts and bodily functions abound in English town and village names and it does make you wonder. Of course given our long history, these words and terms probably meant something quite different back in the day.

There are loads of "bottoms" for a start. From general ones like Bedlam Bottom, Boggy Bottom, and Bottoms Fold, to more descriptive ones like Broadbottom and Hole Bottom to emotive ones like Happy Bottom and Jolly's Bottom all the way along to ones we can all identify with like Scratchy Bottom and ending with the fanciful and entirely hard to believe, Six Mile Bottom.

Ogle Close may or may not have been a haven for naturists or anyone else who liked to throw off their clothing and dance around a maypole. And no, maypole dancing is NOT what you think it is either. It's all very dignified and wholesome...although there are loads of places to stuff notes of the realm if spectators feel that way inclined.

Without going into rude details (family site and all that), every part of a man and woman's anatomy is mentioned somewhere in a town name in England. I'd love to make a sentence out of a lot of them but I really would lose visitors ! If you wanna play a game and try and devise your own town name, you can be pretty sure it already exists in merrie olde England. It sure makes for some interesting travel tales. When you talk about coming out of XXXXXX and going into YYYYYY, you'll get the idea if you insert (stop it !) many of the town names I've mentioned already.

Jeffries Passage was probably perfectly reasonable a century ago but must now get sniggers. How about Friars Entry ? Golden Balls seems like a place made for a certain footballer and so they go on.......

Of course there are hundreds of beautifully quirky town names as well and I may write a post about them sometime but before I leave the rude ones, do I have a favourite ?

Well I'm going for one that is just so "out there" that I have NO idea what the town namer was thinking. Maybe he or she, most likely he, must've been on the happy weed of the day as this is what the town was named......

......Shingaycum Wendy !

Me, I'd be out of there.

Chili In Florida

Moving away from my last post and its bit of controversy and also letting its comments speak for themselves, yesterday was a time for more light hearted thoughts here in sunny Buttonwood Bay.

All last week we had Springfest events in the park and I have to sadly report that no seniors were arrested for drunken brawling or crude and lascivious behaviour around the swimming pools. There were a few reports of wind breaking but I think these were accidental and pretty much par for the course here really.

Anyway the events week came to an end yesterday with a chili cookout held in the (not slim) shady grove area which, as those of you who are familiar with the park layout will know, lies on the edge of beautiful Lake Josephine...which just happened to be especially beautiful on the day.

Unknown hundreds of park residents made the short trip to the grove on bikes, golf carts, motorised scooters, and even some on shanks' mare (or pony in the UK).

Google it if you lost me there.

Although the area contained many picnic tables, most people brought their own chairs as comfort was the order of the day and we were to be there for several hours. As well as the promise of free chili from the competition entrants and the usual park cooks, we were treated to music which led to dancing....which due to the heat and age of the residents, then led to some nodding off until the various raffle prize tickets were drawn !

The dancing was performed on the grove's generous concrete pad created for just such events.


I probably need to explain here that the shady grove is a nightmare for me as the shade part of the name means that photographs inevitably turn out 'shady' and especially so yesterday as I'd decided to only take my phone camera with me. It does have certain limitations and not dealing well with shade is one of them.

With that in mind then, here are a couple more shady shots to set the tone of the event.



So there we were, slowly roasting and/or slumbering in the warm sunshine, listening to the sombre wailings of Patsy Cline and other C&W artistes, when the mood suddenly changed. The free chili was up for grabs !!

I've rarely seen a line forming so quickly and in no time it looked like a scene from outside an Apple store when the latest iPad goes on sale. Holy crap but these people CAN move fast when they want to and at that time yesterday, they WANTED to.

This photo shows the tables groaning with chili. Nearest to me are the efforts of the official cookoff contestants who prepared their offerings in different categories from mild, through medium all the way to 'oh dear lord my ass is on fire.' The other tables contained more general offerings and you may just be able to make out the lines of residents who have split ranks at this end point and are going along whichever table looks to be giving out the best portions !


Not being a great chili lover (yes yes I know, I know....why limit that statement to just chili) I didn't care which table I went to but considering the state of my stomach since then, I suspect I picked the ass kicking one. Sales of Rolaids will be going off the charts by the time I get this under control !

Here is a photo of the contest entries followed by one taken as I moved along the table to get my bowl of chili.....with 2 cookies and 2 packs of crackers. Verily it was a feast.



Back at my chair, I wanted a photo of the chili so I balanced the bowl on my knee. My stomach is now telling me I should've left it there !


With the chili gone and everyone finished dancing, sleeping or discussing who really won WWII, it was time for the various prize draws. Our event tickets had all been torn in half when we went for the chili offerings and the other halves entered into a draw for numerous low key but perfectly acceptable prizes - $15 vouchers for local restaurants, Springfest baseball caps and t-shirts, a free oil change (??), a box set of Conway Twitty albums....that sort of thing.

Due to the number of prizes on offer and, we suspect, winners pretending they weren't winners if the prize was pretty naff, this particular draw went on and on. Some people HAD left the grove of course but I still think the 'I don't even want to admit I've won THAT prize' was the biggest factor to it dragging on too long.

Once over, we had various other draws. A quilt draw was soon over as there was just the one prize...the quilt. Then we had the draw I was really up for as I'd bought into it. I wanted 5 free golf lessons with the local pro but as with most things in my sad, loser existence (violins please), I didn't win. Finally we had another draw with many prizes and then it was all over.

With a speed worthy of a nomadic tribe of bedouins, everyone packed up their gear and medicare equipment, climbed onto or into their various modes of transport and within minutes, the grove had returned to its usual state of peace and tranquillity, standing as an impressive natural guard over the calm waters of Lake Josephine and its inhabitants.

And that was Springfest over for another year. Cakes and cookies had been baked and sold. Arts and crafts had been displayed. Even archery had been demonstrated with hardly an incident, although the poor old soul walking around with an arrowhead lodged above her left ear might disagree. Thank God her hearing aid took the brunt of the impact and caused her to only remark "there's no need to push me, dear" at the time.

I jest.

Today everything is back to normal - well except for my stomach but, as you know, I'm not one to make a fuss. I'm just going to eat lots of ice cream and drink gallons of milk.

Chili may not agree with me but yesterday was a grand day out at the end of a grand week of events and a big thank you goes out to everyone who worked so hard to make it possible.

Thank you.

(Oscar winners please note. Yes saying thanks CAN be that simple).

Dark Days Indeed

I've often wanted to write about certain serious topics that come to mind from time to time but I've always given in to social pressure and despite this being MY blog and so I should be able to say what I like on it, I'm a bit of a coward in this respect. I don't exactly have hundreds of readers but would still hate to alienate anyone and as we all know, it's easy to give the wrong impression on the internet !

As well as being Fat Tuesday/Pancake Tuesday, it seems it's also International Women's Day. I only know this due to Twitter's trending feature as I glanced at it this morning and noticed IWD was up there, trending worldwide. Just below it was Jim Davidson, a UK comedian who was a regular on our tv screens in an age when joking about women and 'blacks' got a lot more laughs than it does today. He didn't help his sinking career by being a dickhead as well and he was perfect tabloid fodder a decade or so ago as his private life (ha !) was as 'colourful' as his stage act.

So why was he trending ? Well it seems he was being interviewed on BBC Radio 5Live and considering what (we think) we know about his personal life, attitudes and stage act, many tweeters couldn't believe the irony of him being featured with IWD. So many spoke their minds and were then retweeted that old "Nick Nick" found himself trending for the first time in his life.

And that brings me to my subject - racism. I admit I'm all over the place with this word as it seems to have more interpretations and implications than just about any other word we use today and for some reason, all are assumed to be wrong. Lets give it a spin........

Frenchmen smell of garlic.

Racist ? Well sure, as the statement pertains to a race, or at least a nation, for goodness sake.

Offensive ? Who decides ? As they do generally eat a lot of garlic, I'm sure a lot of French women find THEM offensive !

Black people can't swim very well.

Racist ? Again yes as I've specifically mentioned an entire race of people.

Offensive ? Hardly. It's a statement of fact.

You see racism isn't always wrong and I hate seeing articles where it is stated that it is. Maybe I'm just not interpreting the word correctly and I really mean to be saying that 'race' isn't wrong.....as in the above examples. Maybe the definition of racism has been changed to ONLY mean offence against races. And as it's hard to decide what offends, make it ALL offensive.

I donno anymore. It's a bit of a mine field and as with mine fields, I try and stay clear.

Jokes can be complex; I like play on words jokes, clever use of my language jokes and even ones I need to think about for a few seconds in order to 'get' the joke. Generally speaking, if it takes me more than a few seconds to understand, then it's never going to be funny to me ! And if you have to explain it to me, forget it. My embarrassment at having had to have it explained to me totally offsets any comedic effects. My rule.

From the days of 'an Englishman, an Irishman and a Jew walk into a pub' type jokes, we've been laughing at racist jokes for centuries. Of course how long something has been around for doesn't make it right or acceptable - take Chicken McNuggets for example !

My (unusual for me) problem is that I can't ever express my thoughts on racism succinctly and when I try and write about it, the mess in my head comes out as a mess in my writing. I laugh guiltily behind the settee at Catholic jokes. While back there I admit to laughing at jokes about race too, especially national stereotype ones. Even my own nationality. I mean if we can't laugh at ourselves, then we're in for a very stressful existence.

Some may say that's wrong. Garlic smelling, onion covered, beret wearing French readers may be peddling away now in droves. Bon voyage I say, although being British, I say it very badly and with one arm being twisted behind my back as it's using a foreign language.

The whole Politically Correct business is a joke in itself and I'm pretty sure that when people in power get on their high horses about something not being PC, they are just scared to say......"look it was all said/done tongue-in-cheek people, so have a non guilty laugh and move on". They'd probably say it better but that's what they'd mean. It seems these days the 'offender' has to grovel publicly and even sack himself or herself in order to stop the overcrowded bandwagon of double standards from flattening them completely.

The Richard Keys/Andy Gray fiasco being a case in point. Shakespeare had a very appropriate play title to sum up that particular non event.

I'm not really sure why I've written this post. Maybe I wanted to dip my toes into the murky waters of racial controversy - or maybe I just wanted to have an excuse to attach a YouTube video !

Being a Norn Iron child of the 50's and 60's, I grew up never having seen a "person of darker colouring" until I was 18, when I moved to Leicester to start at University. Having said that, we did have a black and white tv for longer than most so really, I shouldn't have been all that surprised when I did see one in real life !

An entertainment treat for us back in those simpler days was "The Black & White Minstrel Show" which is partly why my head is such a mess today when it comes to political correctness and racism. All I can say is that AT THE TIME, I loved the routines and how the songs went seamlessly from one to another without a pause. I may have known they were Negro songs from the American deep south but as a child and even a teenager, that was all I knew. They were white British singers trying to recreate American Negro singers and I never lost any sleep over them not just using Negro singers in the first place. For all I knew, they didn't exist.

Why did they paint their faces ? Come on, it was all part of the illusion they were trying to create. Racist ? Politically incorrect ? It seems so today for many people. But surely this could be seen as a positive case of racism (what now ???) as the great singing of these timeless songs, no matter if they were borne out of slavery and oppression, brought them, and the history behind them, to a much wider audience.

There are just so many double standards at work with racism and political correctness.

"Are You Being Served", "All In The Family", "Love Thy Neighbour" and even "On The Buses" would be on any list of non PC shows that we all enjoyed at one time. Or maybe not. I never did care for Reg Varney and his attitude to women did make me cringe even back then. And I never EVER understood how his sidekick bus driver could 'pull a bird' when he looked like a classic old letch who was well past his letch-by date anyway. Sorry Bob, but you did.

See, it's a mine field I tells ya.

Ok before this mess turns into a quagmire (oh God not Quagmire from Family Guy !!!), I'll stop the flow and show the vid.

Entertaining ? Offensive ? Entertainingly offensive ? Feel free to comment. All I know is that when we finally got a colour tv, the show lost something and that in itself is a mine field to explore.

But not right now. I'm off to therapy !

Heartfelt Thanks

18 years ago today I had my bypass surgery and so to celebrate still being around, I've just been for a 90 minute bike ride around the park, stopping at the Cafe On The Lake for a cheeseburger deluxe and a Sprite Zero......gotta keep it healthy y'know ! With the meat patty and slice of cheese counting as part of MY 5-a-day, I reckon with the tomato and lettuce forming the deluxe bit, I'm ahead of things for the day already.

Speaking of that surgery, I'm not sure what guarantee came with my internal plumbing upgrade back then but I'm sure given the age of most other 'customers', I'm well ahead of the average. Some wit at the hospital (probably the surgeon) told me it came with a lifetime guarantee and although you can't disagree with that wording, I did have a slight glitch a few years ago when things got blocked up again resulting in another heart attack but dammed if I could find that warranty. Isn't that always the way ?

Of course after 18 years, most pipework gets a bit corroded again and with my well dodgy diet and lack of any exercise other than an overuse of my tv remote, I know I'm not helping my cause. You'd think after two such warnings, I'd be on my best behaviour but I just can't bring myself to spend hours in the gym and live on lentils and spinach.

So I walk and cycle when the mood takes me and try to only have red meat three a day. It's a compromise and means I'll probably only live to be 105 instead of 110 but that's less years to be soiling myself and dribbling at both ends so I don't see it as a big deal. Anyway, by the I'll be even more senile than now so I'll not even know what planet I'm on.

Don't get me wrong - I do worry about the future. I mean Leeds finishing outside the top 6 does keep me awake at nights but what's a fan to do ! Just worry.

And so every year on this date, I again thank the skilful hands and online degree of Dr. Nair and his team at the BUPA Hospital, Leeds for basically saving my life back in 1993. (Just joking about the online degree before anyone sues me). I also raise my glass of Guinness in a toast to them and use it to wash down my triple bacon sannie and fries.

God bless you all and as they say at the end of the Annual Ozark Mountain People Festival, no more clogging !

Cheers !!

Buttonwood Bay - Life After Discovery

I had to watch the shuttle launch on telle yesterday as the skies to the north east of us here in normally sunny Buttonwood Bay had clouded over at just the wrong time. Actually I watched it on a HD feed on my laptop as not only was the quality better, it was about 4 seconds ahead of tv coverage.

A few moments after Discovery cleared the tower, I went outside for a look but the cloud cover was still in place and so I came back in to watch the rest of the coverage online. After all, tv had returned full screen to Judge Judy by then anyway !

Priorities eh ?

Earlier yesterday Stanley Steemer came and cleaned our carpets and a jolly good job they made of it. We'd piled all the relevant furniture into other rooms and for the rest of the day, we 'lived' in the lanai......our sunny Florida room.

And we're still in it ! Despite being told we could walk on the carpets as soon as the cleaning had finished, we don't want to risk damaging the wooden based items by moving them back into place until everywhere is bone dry. That might be much later tonight or tomorrow morning but with it being another mid 80's day here, I'm thinking....tonight.

Right now Dennis is watering the new concrete patio which has to be done a few times a day in the first week. I think he's trying to grow an airstrip !

All these things are new to me as I've never experienced a professional carpet cleaning service or seen concrete watering before. These sorts of things just seem to be done so much easier (and faster) here as I'm sure if I wanted a new patio to be laid back in Leeds, I'd have to wait several weeks and then have some pessimistic contractor suggesting that adding a patio onto a 16th floor apartment might challenge his abilities a bit !

No seriously, my house IS a house and when I left it, it was firmly on the ground.

Elsewhere the pace is unrelenting in sunny BB and apart from personal things going on in and around the house, the park and its residents are gearing up for the annual week long Springfest events which, this year, has been given the not totally unexpected title of ..... Springfest 2011. The logo bearing t-shirts, baseball caps and mugs have been printed (I think a Springfest 2011 pool towel would be a neat and practical addition to the range) and ticket sales for the various events are selling like hot cakes....or Key Lime pies to use the local vernacular.

As the week progresses, we'll be having a performance by the Golden Chords (in a retirement community park that should be an easy one to understand), a strawberry social, a home and hobby expo, bingo, card game lessons, car and golf cart show, a 'fat Tuesday' (Pancake Tuesday to Brits and maybe others) parade and picnic, a talent show, karaoke, archery demo (I'm staying well inside for THAT one !), ladies fashion show (seems a tad sexist), casino night, a computer 101 session (power it up....ok you're on your own now.....), the Grand Ol' Buttonwood Opry Show, a fishing tournament, craft and bake sale, boat show, a Saturday night dance and finally, a chili cook-off closely followed by a chili fest where it all gets eaten.

There will be spot prizes, door prizes, raffle prizes and basically lots of opportunities to win something or other. Even people who have never won anything in their (long) lives would be very unlucky not to win something during Springfest week. Hell even I won something last year......a round of golf at a local course...with cart. The ticket expires today and it's still in my bedroom ! Oops.

This year I've splurged $3 for 3 chances to win 5 golf lessons or a foursome at my favourite course, Panther. I donno how much 5 lessons would normally be but I know a foursome costs $100 which is a LOT cheaper than a threesome I once had in 1975 but that's a story for another time and anyway, I'm still not allowed to return to Thailand. What IS a toyboy anyway ?

So golf lessons would be a prize worth winning and for me, the best of the 6 on offer. I don't need another GPS, digital camera or cd player and I definitely don't need a pet gator with or without its leash. I can't remember the 6th prize. Maybe a week on a desert island with the Golden Chords !

So think positive thoughts for me as I really REALLY could do with those 5 golf lessons. Yes, yes I know, more like 25 golf lessons but I'll take what I can get. I do need to know the best way to swing my racket and I think my ball toss up is all wrong too.

Right I've rambled enough and it's also lunch time. Caddyshack leftovers are a-callin' me and who am I to argue when that means St. Louis ribs and a baked potato.

Gopher was off.

Sweeping Discovery Under The Carpet.

It's upheaval time chez nous as anytime now, Stanley Steemer should be coming to clean our carpets.

Despite the name, this isn't an old British music hall comedian but a nationwide US company and although I've seen their vans outside many houses in the park over the years, this will be my first 'up close' experience of them and their work.

Anyway their scheduled arrival this afternoon meant we had to clear as much furniture as possible out of the living room, dining room and hallway this morning and I'm happy to report that this has been achieved. Both bedrooms and kitchen now resemble furniture stockrooms and we have retired (again.....hehe) to live in the lanai until said carpets have dried off. Tomorrow morning most likely.

I must say it's no hardship to be spending time in the lanai as it IS a sun room after all and we have plenty of that. With all its windows open and the ceiling fan spinning faster than a ConDem spokesman (ohhhh get me !), it's very pleasant indeed out here.

Pixie, our long haired dachshund, is not so keen on change, and cannot understand the word, temporary. Actually her vocabulary is quite limited and she really only responds to 'byebyes,' 'out' and 'bed' and even then, only when she is in the mood. One of her daily pleasures is to lie in the sunbeams which flood the living room during the morning and so she was not well pleased with all the upheaval that went on today. She went around sniffing at the newly exposed carpet areas but couldn't settle until we had finally cleared the room.

Sadly for her, by then the mid-morning angle of the sun meant there wasn't much sunlight coming through the windows and only a small triangle of light was left next the front door. Not one to miss out on her daily routine, she waddled moodily (it's a technique she picked up from a PBS documentary on British Royalty and she uses it to let us know she is not amused) over towards the door and plunked herself down on the carpet despite only half her body covering the small, and rapidly diminishing, area of light.

It was hilarious and cute. I went to the far side of the living room to better show her 'isolation' and the spot of light had almost gone even in that short time.

Seconds after this photo was taken, both the light and Pixie had left the room. Not the building.....just the room. As I type this, she is in her lanai bed (Pampered ? Not a bit of it) as out here she'll get a bit of afternoon sunshine while watching Oprah.

Speaking of tv, in just over 3 hrs time, at 4:50pm EST, space shuttle Discovery will lift-off on its final mission to the ISS. I'll be making the short walk to the park entrance to see her rise spectacularly into the clear blue Florida sky (which right now is a bit cloudy so I may not see anything at all !) but as if to reflect the worldwide apathy about such events, the local FOX tv station last night announced it would be covering the launch.......via a split screen with the Judge Judy Show !! I think I'd prefer it if they just didn't bother at all. Sometimes apathy is better than insulting.

I know there are important events going on elsewhere right now, from natural disasters to even more natural revolutions but as they're never covered at 4:50pm on tv here anyway, why not give full screen coverage to this launch ? I'm sure if she was asked, Judge Judy wouldn't mind.

Maybe there will be a bit more interest when the last ever shuttle launch takes place in late June.

It's due to be at 3:48pm EST and Judge Judy isn't on.

But Judge Joe Brown is.

Just A (HD) Walk In The Park

I started blogging almost 5 years ago and today I'm going to send you to sleep by attaching my most boring video ever to this, my 690th post.

I know, I've posted some pretty dull ones before but seriously, this one is Dullsville with a capital D.

So why post it ? Well it's all I've got right now and I need some test footage !

When packing for this trip early last November, weight was as big an issue as contents because Virgin Atlantic had gone the way of most airlines by only allowing me one free case as checked luggage. YOU try getting 6 months of 'stuff' into one 50lb case !

So a few standard items had to be left out and my video camera and all its accessories (power pack, cables, tripod etc) became a casualty. I decided that I take very little video these days and both my little compact still camera and my smartphone take decent enough video for most occasions.

But I forgot about the annual Buttonwood Bay plays and how I video the ones my friends are in and provide dvd copies for those who want them.

Play week is almost here and again I was asked if I would 'do my thing' so what could I do ? The smartphone has no tripod fitting so although it records in both widescreen and HD, I'd have to stand for 20 minutes trying to hold it steady. My compact still camera records video in low definition and not in widescreen and so watching the copied footage on tv would be a huge disappointment.

Then I remembered that Debby had won a Kodak Zi6 at last year's Chilli Fest in the park and despite its audio limitations, I want to use it to record the play on Sunday evening.

So yesterday I went out and about 'playing' with the camera so I'd be familiar with its controls come the big day.

On/off switch. Yep.

Record button. Yep.

Stop button. Yep.

And that was me pretty much familiarised with its controls ! It really is just a point and shoot camera but therein lies its main strength. If someone falls out of a nearby tree, I'll get it. If a gator grabs a passing resident, I'll get it too. No fiddling with knobs and levers and lens caps......I'll be the Spielberg of the point and shoot generation.

My friends here, Clair & MK, had given me a tripod as a pressie when I arrived last year and so with the Zi6 attached, I went out filming. And here is my first attempt. You have been warned !

I know. It looks like a dull advert for a Retirement Community ! Well think of it more as a dull advert for Centre Parcs then. No help ? Well it WAS just a test and the quality seems pretty decent.

Walking around with the lightweight camera on the end of the tripod, I had a sudden moment of inspiration and one I could've made use of many times during my solo travelling days when I would've loved to have got myself in my home movies but it wasn't always possible.

With a slight tilt of the Zi6 on the fully extended tripod, I was able to walk along and film myself as though I had a cameraman in front of me ! Oddly enough the camera doesn't have a particularly wide field of view so this 'trick' is a bit hit and miss and the footage doesn't always reflect the view I thought I was getting ! More experimentation is needed I think and despite looking like an idiot (I'm sure I'll be known around the park as the guy who goes around talking to a walking stick), I'm up for the job.

So there it is....my 690th blog post containing one very dull video and one very disturbing video.

In case you believe things can only get better, remember I am now armed with a lightweight HD camcorder and I know how to use it !

A Bird On The Roof Is Worth....No Lie In !!

I've been accused of bare faced cheek for that last blog post (thank you Daphne....very droll) and I hold my hands up. I should now have 24 hrs of stubble to show the world but like I said, I'm a bit slow in the hair growing stakes and as a result, my cheeks are still pretty much baby butt-like.

A very strange baby but nonetheless..........

Late last evening I decided to take a phone photo and it was only when I looked at the first result that I noticed a fair amount of blood on my polo shirt collar. When I'd jokingly mentioned on yesterday's blog that I'd cut myself a few times, I really thought I HAD been joking. I mean I'd had a shower afterwards and dried myself off with a white towel and there was, and still is, no blood on it. So just where this blood came from is a bit of a mystery. Maybe I have a self sealing carotid artery !

Ok so I know WHO it came from of course as I'm not in the habit of loaning my polo shirts out to passing haemophiliacs. I also know WHERE it came from as my polo shirt collars tend to exist close to my neck when being worn. What I'm not sure about is HOW it got there. There are no 'nicks' on my neck and all my little growths are still there.

And what's that all about anyway ? As I get older, I get more and more little skin bits trying to escape from my body. I need all my skin so I don't appreciate these deserting bits. Maybe I chopped one of them off yesterday, I bled, the shower washed it all away and voila, no evidence.

No that won't work. The polo shirt went on after the shower. Still a mystery.

Speaking of mysteries, one WAS solved yesterday. On the rare occasions when I've been awake around 7:30am, I've heard a woodpecker doing his thing nearby. As the extent of my woodpecker knowledge is based on Woody, the cartoon character, I wasn't entirely sure what one sounded like when it was head banging in real life but I was pretty sure it didn't sound like what I was hearing.

Being up and about at 7:30am yesterday for a UK footy match, I suddenly heard the woodpecker and slowly opened the front door. He wasn't hard to spot as the noise was quite loud and was coming from the roof of the house next door.

Yes the roof !

Woody was hammering away like a demented Black Sabbath fan on the metal roof and with his wings providing balance, was giving it plenty. After a few minutes of this (and this WAS the noise I'd been hearing when in bed), he flew a few feet to a nearby palm tree trunk and finding the right spot, began hammering again with his little red mohican a blur of motion.

Wanting to know why a woodpecker would peck on metal, I went to the source of all knowledge. The internet !

It seems that woodpeckers mate in early spring and so my pecker (behave !!) has been simply trying to attract a female. Given the noise he was creating in the still morning air, it was a very effective mating policy and much better than a singles night. This was more like speed dating ! Standing outside, I even heard a similar noise coming from a distant part of the park. Result ?

Selfishly I hope he finds a mate soon as I'm not keen on being woken at 7:30am but at least that mystery was solved.

Now back to the other one.........

The (New) Man In The Mirror.

It's been another historic day here in sunny Buttonwood Bay as after several decades of being a beardy, I am now a smooth criminal.....opps I mean a smooth faced daily shaver again.

Yes gentle readers, the beard and 'tache have GONE !

I can't remember when I first had a 'full set' but I'm sure it was not long after I was physically able to do so. That would mean when I was in my late 30's !!

Slow developer, me.

I can remember lads at boarding school growing some sort of facial hair long before I was even growing it in other places. By the time we all left school at 18, they had full Brian Blesseds and I had just played Yum-Yum again in our Christmas rendition of The Mikado ! Nuff said.

Last weekend I put on a bet with myself that if The Packers lost the Superb Owl, I would shave off my beard. I wasn't fully committed to either result and so I told no one about my bet. I think that's called a safe bet in gambling circles although maybe it's just in coward circles. Whatever.

So with The Packers winning, my beard was saved from destruction but already a seed had been sown. A clean faced Silverback ? Would the world be ready for such a sight ? Hell, would I be ready for such a sight ?

I thought it over during the week and decided...yes...off with the beard. I mean if I scare young children and animals (more than usual), I can always grow it back in about 5 months !

And so today was THE day. I lined up the unfamiliar items next to the wash basin; shaving foam, razor, lots of tissues, bandages, hot towels, smelling salts, medical insurance policy. First up though, I trimmed my hair, what there was to trim. I used a No.2 guide which to the uninitiated, meant I ended up more Bruce Willis than Fabio. Sorted.

Then with razor in shaking hand, I looked at my bearded face in the mirror for the last time and started shaving.....

Now one of the reasons for me growing a beard in the first place was that I had always been a pimply yute and shaving usually left me looking like a Freddie Krueger body double. So, as I started revealing the skin beneath the beard, I wasn't really sure what I, and the razor blade, would find.

I was more than pleasantly surprised to find.....clear skin. Soft clear pimple free skin. Skin like the butt cheeks of a baby with such very smooth butt cheeks that it just came first in a world's smoothest butt cheeks competition. Hurrah !!

Mind you, I still managed to nick myself once......or twice.....ok a few times but not many. It's not easy this shaving lark. I'm not sure I fancy bothering with it on a daily basis but we'll see. Maybe I'll cultivate a Nick Tilsley stubble look (sorry non Corrie watchers but did you like the nick/Nick link there ?) which in my case, would mean only having to shave once a month !

With hair trimmed and beard gone, the sink looked like Bigfoot had just been given a wax job. It was time for a shower and what a strange experience THAT was. As I soaped my head and face, it felt like I was cleaning a bowling bowl. Yes, yes so I have very flared nostrils.....leave me alone.

After drying off, I was finally able to use my after shave for something other than just making my body smell half decent. But as Macaulay Culkin could've told me, this was a big mistake as my newly exposed skin was as sensitive as that of a 10 yr old - although I've never been too sure why he screamed like a little girl when all he'd done was have a shower !

I mean I'd shaved and everything and I only screamed a little bit. He was a wimp !

Speaking of mistakes, I'm still not sure if I've made a dreadful one by shaving and no, there will be ZERO photographic evidence of this until I have come to terms with my new look myself. There may be some PTSD (Post Traumatic Shaving Disorder) to deal with and I may need the support of friends and even a bit of therapy.

Right now I can't stop rubbing my chin like some thoughtful politician who has been asked to explain broken manifesto promises. I have no beard to twiddle with. No moustache to curl at the edges. If I start to get teenage acne again, I'm defenceless.

I'M NAKED. Well facially anyway.

I'll let you know if it lasts.

Gimme A Break !

Well that's it....another Superbowl or Super Bowl or even Superb Owl is over and what fun I had watching it last evening.

Yes there were downsides; Christina Aguilera for one and the Black Eyed Peas for another four.

Question : why can't the National Anthem singers be TOLD to sing it 'properly' and not treat the occasion as a Pop Idol audition and end up singing it like a BoyzIIMen/Mariah Carey mix ? Apart from anything else, singing it like she did yesterday drags the anthem out so that it rivals the Greek anthem...and it has 158 verses !

I hope there is no truth in the rumour that Eminem will be rapping a version of the anthem in 2012 !

I also hope CA didn't think the huge cheer in the middle was for her ! That was when the live tv footage switched to some troops watching in Afghanistan or somewhere and the stadium crowd saw them on the jumbotron screens. Sorry to burst your bubble, Christina.

I'm also not a BEP's fan but then the half time show is almost more of a visual spectacle than a musical event and without Janet agreeing to flash her bit again (well it rhymes), I found the one female BEP singer easy on the eye at least. Still, I did appreciate the time and effort that went into their set and leave it at that.

Oh yes, the game. Well I'd been invited round to watch it at the home of 2 lifelong Packers fans and so I had a wonderful time. Not quite as loud and boisterous as if I'd been watching Leeds United winning the FA Cup but then soccer is a much different game and its fans are a very different breed ! Nuff said.


I do like NFL games and know most of the rules but as with explaining cricket fielding positions to an American, I struggle to understand a few NFL ones. I'm sorry, but when a load of hefty men basically bend over and face each other from inches apart and the commentator mentions "tight ends", then I'm not sure if the channel was somehow switched while I was off getting more tasty snacks !

And what is it with all those people at pitch side ? There would be enough with all the players and coaching staff and officials but do they need to have so many media people, injured team members, friends of friends of injured team members, kids holding water bottles and oxygen masks for players coming off after 5 seconds of action and so on ? Yet again a cameraman was sent flying by a ball carrying player who was pushed off the pitch by an opposition player. Everyone concentrated on the condition of the player who, with his personal armour and crash helmet was perfectly ok. We never found out what happened to the t-shirt and shorts wearing cameraman who is presumably waking up in a Dallas hospital today wondering what the hell hit him.

I, and a few million others, can tell you buddy. It was a huge tight end ! And try explaining that to your friends at the bar !

The game itself was great, as was the result. To save our nerves, it didn't quite come down to the wire as we knew the result with a full 47 seconds or so to go. That's always a good feeling and so the celebrations began before the game clock hit zero. Lots of cheering, some smooching and a bit of hugging. Often all at the same time !

But the reason for this post and the reason behind the title are the famous Superbowl commercials. A couple of years ago when the US motor industry was on its knees, there were few tv adverts for trucks and cars. Now that the companies are overflowing with tax payers money and their own staggering profits, they were back in force with commercials during the game. Given the cost of almost $3m for a 30 second slot, a lot of companies still stayed away. With many more avenues available now for getting their products 'out there', they saw little potential return on such a financial outlay.

So we were left with a few heavyweights like Coca Cola, Bridgestone, Budweiser.....and Doritos ? There were also a LOT of commercials for upcoming blockbuster movies.

Oh and lots of car commercials. It may be another sign of the times but I saw no ads for trucks - no dramatic deep manly talk over voices telling us about the torque and pulling capacity of Ford or Chevy or GMC trucks. No, instead we got ads about cars, European type ads about cars. Clever, seductive, sometimes amusing with few facts about them. Just letting the images sink in with us.

My favourite ? Well few stood out for me really. I liked the one with the Darth Vader kid but lasting a full minute, it went on a bit too long for me and at $100,000 a SECOND, a fortune could've been saved with tighter editing. I find it kinda ironic that the kid in the costume has admitted he's never seen a Star Wars movie ! Well at 6 yrs old, why would he ?

Then there was the one with Justin Bieber and Ozzy Osbourne and that was memorable for getting Ozzy to turn up and remember his lines for a start. It was decent.

I hated every Etrade baby commercial as they're flogging a dead horse with the idea now. Hmmmm actually flogging a dead horse might be a better idea. Nooooo. Anyway, if anything, the special effects are getting worse and the baby's eyes were as fixed and dilated as mine were watching him. Very poor.

I liked the Bridgestone Beaver although again, enough already with humanising animals.

But I guess if pushed, I'd have to say that the advert that has stayed with me the most since I saw it (and isn't that the purpose of an advert after all) featured.....wait for it and I can't believe I'm typing this......Eminem. And for a change, I can even remember the product.

It was Detroit. Come visit Detroit. Leave your gun at home and visit Detroit. It's dirty and grimy and industrialised and dangerous but, it's Detroit. Come visit and stay awhile.

And during your visit, buy a Chrysler. Cause it's made in Detroit. And Detroit is in America.

Yes and before you tell me I missed the point, I know it WAS an ad for Chrysler !!

What got me hooked on the advert wasn't seeing Eminem driving a Chrysler through the streets of Detroit. It was the music. Donno if he had anything to do with the music but it was great. I loved it. Slow building. Dramatic. But not in a Christine Aguilera National Anthem way.

It was.....good.

In case you didn't see any or all of the adverts, here is a good place to look at them. There are many there that weren't shown in 'my' tv region so I've not seen those yet.

UPDATE : Initially I put numbers here for the ads I've mentioned in this blog but every time I return to that YouTube link, they have moved the order. Maybe it reflects their popularity but sorry, this means you'll have to find them yourselves !!

Enjoy.

UPDATE 2 : That link might only work within the US which is very unusual for YouTube. Leave a comment if it doesn't work in your country please. (Not that I'll do anything about it, you understand. I'd just like to know !)

Phone Test

This will be the shortest post on record from me as I'm just testing blogger as a phone app. Might as well take and upload a photo while I'm testing as that is how I'd expect to use the app when ' on the road '

Half A Trip, Half A Trip, Half A Trip Onward.........

Today is 3rd February. A date of minor importance to me as it marks the half way point in my time here this 'season' in sunny Buttonwood Bay.

As usual the first half has flown by but as my 6 month slot creeps a bit later each year (as I have to be resident in the UK for longer than my time spent in the US to keep both immigration depts happy), it's quite nice to be in February with half the trip still to go.

Still, I may have to pull things back a bit and the only way to do that will be to book a slightly shorter trip next time or I'll end up still being in UK in December and that's wayyyyyyy too late for this snowbird.

Time to review. Well this has been my first experience in the new house here and if only the old one would sell, I'd be a much happier bunny. The 5th wheel and truck have both been sold and a less-than-week-old Chevy Equinox sits sparkling on the driveway. With gas being 30 cents a gallon cheaper than diesel, the fuel savings alone will be significant. Btw, although prices have rocketed here, gas is 50p a litre and to fill the Equinox will cost about £35 and in the UK, nearly £90 ! How I wish I had my little 50mpg Clio over here.

Weatherwise, the temperatures are moving inexorably from warm to hot and despite a few periods of below average temps in January, we've been much 'better' off than most of the rest of the US and, of course, the UK. Right now it's passed 70F here and the next warmest place in the US is Southern California where it's 50F. On a colour coded temperature map, Florida really does stick out like an inflamed appendix.

In the park the circle of life, and death, continues. A few posts ago I mentioned seeing an ambulance outside one of the houses and hoping that the gurney having its end in the upright position was a good sign. We went past it yesterday and there was a U-haul trailer outside which suggests the resident ain't coming back ! Houses get bought and sold almost daily in the park (just not ours !) and new old faces replace old old faces. Some residents move back up to their northern homes to be with family as their health deteriorates; some go into assisted living either in Florida or again, back up north; sadly some simply go up.

C'est la vie

Anyway it's midday on my mid day, if you follow, so time for a spot of lunch as all that looking back has given me an appetite.

Part II starts from here........

Taking Things For Granted

While a lot of the US is under snow these days, my life here in sunny Sebring continues on its merry way and I need to constantly remind myself not to take it for granted.

Yesterday Clair, Jerry, Carl and myself went golfing on my very favourite local course, the Panther at the Spring Lake Golf Resort just a few miles east of here. It's a bit of a monster course but despite its length (which includes a par 6, 800yd 6th hole), it's not too difficult to get around as like with the rest of Florida, there are no hills. Barely an incline. Flat as a proverbial pancake in fact.

It certainly helped having a cart thrown in (a necessity and not a luxury) as speaking personally, my old bones much prefer being driven to my ball, especially when I've hit it just a wee bit offline !

In fact it was on one of those rare occasions when I was on foot that I came to realise that I was taking certain aspects of life here for granted. Clair had driven his ball to the edge of one of the many water hazards on the course and we both got off the cart and went scouting along the water's edge in case the ball was visible. With eyes fixed on the area only a few feet from where I was walking, I totally forgot one of the vital "rules" for golfers here in Florida - when close to water, always look far ahead for wildlife.

There was sudden movement on the ground about 15 feet from us as a 4ft gator who had been happily basking in the warm afternoon sunshine felt threatened by our presence and made a dramatic and very scary dash for the water. It was a bit of a shock to the system, my system that is, and as a result, we decided that Clair's ball could remain wherever it was and he'd drop another.

I lost a couple myself but that had nothing to do with golf !

The Panther course is beautiful. Wildlife abounds, mostly of the flying type thankfully, and while carting from one shot to another, it's great to be able to look at cranes feeding in the light rough, anhingas drying their wings by the water's edge and all sorts of birds soaring effortlessly above us on the thermals. You DO have to look out for snakes and gators though and the knowledge that they are more scared of you than you are of them is a fact I've never fully taken on board. Some of that could be due to living in Leeds where gators are not common and despite a bad experience with Irish hedge trimmers, snakes are pretty much only seen in zoos.

The weather reports coming out of England and even the rest of the US these last couple of months have also made me realise that I'm fortunate to be here in Florida and shouldn't take that for granted either. But when friends tell me I'm lucky, it gets to me a bit. My life here is a result of career and financial planning, some of which was admittedly fortunate but most was down to....well, planning. I've missed out on what a lot of people would say are vital ingredients for happy life (marriage, kids, close family ties etc) but as I've not had them, I can't really say if I've missed out.

Therefore what I need to remember, is not to take what I do have for granted. I'm not going to itemise them of course but the ability to spend winters here and be with good friends are certainly on the list.

Seems appropriate then that it took yesterday's basking gator to remind me about that. It stopped me in my tracks and made me think......

And that's gotta be worth a lost ball....or two !

Groceries & Glocks - I'll Need A Bigger Cart

Ok so lets make up our shopping list for Walmart.

Cereal, check.

Eggs, check.

Bread, check.

Checked tablecloth, check.

Deli Meat, check.

Apples, check.

Armalite, check.

Onions, check.

Milk, chec........whoa !!! Back up a bit, buddy.

Armalite ? Surely Marmite or even Vegemite ? No ?

When we go to Walmart, which is usually once a week, I nearly always take my camera because as regulars will know, I just love taking photos of 'the people of Walmart' and in my local Sebring store, they rarely fail to turn up to entertain and amaze me.

I also rarely venture far from the grocery section or the electrical centre as little else really holds my interest - I like the electrical centre as it has 'things with plugs on the end of them' and I like the grocery section as this is where 'the people' lurk. I'm not sure how much of this is down to them never straying far from the food aisles or the fact that with them on board, the electric carts they use don't have the battery range to get them any further into the store !

But the other day I had more time to spare and so I ventured beyond the enticing boundaries of the electrical centre and found myself in bizarreworld. Well bizarre for a non American that is. Not that many aisles along from the toys section was a counter selling firearms of all shapes and sizes. Now as a seasoned American visitor (legal I might add), this store area was not unknown to me but it still made my camera finger twitch and when I spotted the firearms version of an Argos Catalogue, the finger couldn't stand it any longer.

I'm not sure what impressed me more...the catalogue title or the fact that it was in its 102nd incarnation. I was expecting a foreword by Wyatt Earp or Annie Oakley (better not be sexist here, eh love ?) or even Charlton 'NRA' Heston but of course his guns had finally been taken from him when the rest of his body went the way of his cold, dead hands.

Anyway the Revolutionary musket wouldn't fit into the coffin.

As this non St. James version of The Bible was sitting on a stand (I know what I mean !), I opened it up at random and sneaked another photo while the Walmart employee was attending to a nice teenage couple who were browsing for a sawn off shotgun. Both looked sort of nervous but this was probably due to the close proximity of the slightly bulbous girl's father who was doing most of the talking and given the colour of his face and the definition of the veins in his neck, either drank a lot or had a slight issue with his blood pressure, or both.

I think Sainsburys should sell guns. I can see the LS17 moms in their top of the range SUVs packing heat on the school run. And think of the Nectar Points !!

It all brought back happy memories of my very first visit to these shores in 1989 when I went into my very first gun store in South West Florida. The owner was kind enough to let me handle many of the guns and even produced a case containing his personal .44 Magnum which I can tell you was neither a tasty chocolate coated ice cream or a large bottle of bubbly. Oh no this was a Clint Eastwood special and handling the owner's impressive weapon was something I'll never forget.

Judging by his demeanour, I don't believe he felt the same way. He's never written !

But enough John Inman smut and back to Walmart. I looked through the catalogue but found nothing I wanted - which wasn't surprising considering it's not my idea of fun to shoot at anything that has a heartbeat. Mind you, I can think of a few people I'd exclude from that general category and it would be quite easy to get them all at once as they are the ones who have been piling onto the 'sexist' Sky Sports bandwagon over the last week.

Oh don't get me started..........

Right, before my blood pressure joins that of the father of the bride, I'll get off.

Happy trails.

Terminator 4 - The Rise Of The Geeks

Not sure where that title came from but inside my head is a strange place at times and usually it's best not to ask ! I've also only had one cup of coffee so far this morning so as the intro on some 60's tv show used to say.......anything can happen in the next half hour.

Anyway, as friends will tell you, I am a bit of a geek, although the word has many definitions these days. My whole career involved working with computers and despite being retired for almost 10 years (wow !!), I'm still rarely away from one. I love technology and can still just about keep up with current advances even though they are coming thick and fast.

In a post last year I mentioned how, in the early hours of the morning, I'd been able to lie in bed here in Florida and watch live tv images on my phone being sent from a web camera which had been lowered down a mine shaft in Chile showing the trapped men finally being rescued.

In bed. Television. From Chile. From inside a mine. ON MY PHONE !!

Sorry....didn't mean to shout but it was very impressive.

I mean if this technology had been around in 1969, I could've watched the moon landing from my bed.

Anyway the reason for this bloggette is that last night Deb/Den had just gone to bed early (by my night owl standards) when I read a tweet from Stephen Fry which included a link to a cute photo. Knowing Deb would like to see the photo, I sent it on to her via email, thinking she would "pick it up" this morning. About a minute later I got her "awwwwww" reply as she had picked up the email on her phone and sent me an email back.

As she was only 50ft from me in her bedroom, this was not exactly as impressive a demonstration of the power of modern technology as the one I mentioned earlier but as she has no intention of ever (voluntarily) going down a mineshaft, Chilean or otherwise, it'll have to do for now.

We are a growing bunch, us geeks. Just a few minutes ago my friend, Daphne, sent me a phone photo of a dessert her hubby was having at that very moment in a pub in Leeds. As I sit here relaxing in my recliner, I can get news articles and video clips from anywhere on my laptop or phone. People all over the globe are sending each other emails and texts, photos and live video clips. Geeks rule.

A nice sunset in Singapore ? We can watch it.

A holiday photo from the banks of the Nile ? We can see it.

Jackass wannabees going over a cliff on a shopping cart ? We can look on in disgust.

What a small world we now live in !

I wonder if they said that when those seafaring explorers came back from discovering countries they never actually set out to find ?

"So, Capt Cook, just back again. Where from this time, eh ?"

"Donno really, mate. Some place with bouncing animals and bent sticks that you can't throw away."

"Travel far did you ?"

"Donno really but it took us 2 years."

"Only 2 years - what a small world we live in."

"Yeah...wanna see some photos ??"

And on that note, I think it's time for my 2nd coffee !! I really shouldn't be allowed to blog this early.

Be Werry Werry Quiet !!

A few minutes ago I came home from a short golf cart trip (if you're new to this blog that might sound bizarre so feel free to go back and catch up...might take you a while !) and approaching the driveway, saw a bunny wabbit hopping down along the side of the house. As I got off the cart, it sat still, looking at me with one huge eye.

Well it was side on to me so what did you expect ?! It reminded me of one of those chocolate bunnies.

I went and got my camera on the off chance that it wouldn't have anywhere better to go to and would therefore still be there when I returned. It wasn't.

I looked down the side of the house and there was the wabbit sitting in the back yard peering at a fallen lemon. I did my best Elmer Fudd impression and crept towards it, trying to look as if taking a photograph was the last thing on my mind. I tried not to make eye contact so it wouldn't see me !

Remember how we'd try that as kids and could never work out how mum or dad would see us when we couldn't see them ?! Grown-ups ! They had special powers !!

Anyway I got quite close and started snapping. With my backup photos taken just in case, I crept closer, one foot at a time.

There's another stupid statement. One foot at a time ! How else do we creep ? If I'd done two feet at a time I'd have been hopping !

Big ears didn't move an inch. He was happy to sit in a ray of sunshine and watch me watching him. Emboldened, I crept closer still. I took another photo. The shutter noise spooked him and he hopped a short distance away.

Don't you hate the stupid artificial shutter noises on shows like CSI, Bones, NCIS and the like ? Sounds like a gattling gun going off. I understand they're usually photographing dead bodies so don't need to be quiet but come on....that's just annoying special effects.

By now we were only a few yards apart (or metres if you're Johnny Foreigner) and after taking a few more photos of him posing in the setting sun, I got bored before he did and I came back inside.

Ok I realise this hasn't been the most exciting of posts and I could lie and say a gator suddenly appeared from nowhere and carried off the wabbit....but it didn't. So I won't.

Mind you there ARE gators here and there ARE wabbits here so...........

I've got National Geographic on speed dial !